Biracial dating

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biracial dating

2013.03.10 21:59 bigpapa78 biracial dating

A Fun place to meet exotic, biracial, interracial, multiracial, multicultural singles and build lifetime relationships.
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2020.07.31 01:50 jirejire12 onlybrown

Meeting, conversation, friendship -- maybe even dating and relationships -- for all melanin-enhanced humans... ...whether you're Desi, Middle Eastern, of African descent, Southeast Asian, biracial, or a member of an indigenous ethnicity. Find your person or connect with your people. :) Whether you're cis- or transgender, straight or LGBT, this is a safe space.
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2018.07.03 09:07 Asian Men Black Women

A subreddit to discuss race and dating and one of the growing demographic pairings that is flying under the radar.
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2020.09.18 19:32 throwawaythekeyfacts Report of the absurdity of me being an off-white, (lightskinned) black man in America.

I will start by saying I am a 32 years old cis male, Biracial black and white. 65% white and 34% black, mom is 100% white. I am also slightly albino with lighter skin and hair compared to my twin brother who is darker than me. I look like pale manila.
The main thing is that black people in general can be persecuted unwittingly. Some people are actually not racist, that is what makes racism so bad. So all of the black people have a different view of the world depending on their experience. Law enforcement is a different story, they use your race to identify you, they have mistreated me plenty of times before. People have asked if I speak english! I wish more black people knew they had a right to defend their property to reduce the amount of fear of the courts, it's not about compliance, it's about proving the cop wrong in a court of law. So everywhere is basically a court no matter who you are, if someone killed your mom, you would want the court and cops involved black or white. Racism has many realms and aspects, for me, some of those aspects are simply unbearable alone in my life right now, and I desperately need to vent what is on my mind before I explode. People need to stop tripping out about my mom, looking down on her for having a black son, thoroughly disrespecting her and jumping to conclusions about what happened to make me come alive. Everyone of any race I have met has been racist to me in America, black, white, whatever, in any situation, doctors, school, work etc. People are literally pitting me against people who look like my parents. The worst part is it has really cramped my style of being a human being. Sometimes, the person in question does not know if I am black because of how I act. I look like another race entirely seperate if you didn't know. Sometimes I get screwed over after people find out. When I bring the problem up to other people, they never say anything besides trying to deny it very aggressively. They think I fail in life because I am a loser when in reality people know hybrid genetics are better, and they don't want me to have the same money as them. I never get any matches online for dating from anybody, I never had a relationship from that. At the same time, women who actually have taken the chance to get with me from meeting in person fall for me while lesbian. Women who have been with me freak out and tell their friends I am magic. Everyone I know copies everything I do, but women never initiate with me because they think they know something. One woman who took a chance with me showed me what I was missing out on, I was the most successful I had ever been while I was with her. It was then that I knew that I do desperately need a woman in my life. There does not seem to be many women who look like me even alive in the first place. People have said I looked middle eastern, Puerto Rican, you name the brown skin they think it. Nobody ever consoled me about racism my whole life until last week. Black and white people seem to hate me, and they try to use racism to there advantage on me. Apparently people who look like me were on a higher level than slaves in America and people are now taking that out on me all the time. People then try to say I am not black, completely destroying and disregarding my beloved father. I have accepted that I am going to be lonely my whole life and I have hopes for the future to be different. It seems like people are trying to take my love for life away more and more every day. I guess the weird part is it would be a so-called dating virtue to be black sometimes but women will think I would lie or something. It hurts worse when people ignore me and say my pain is not real, I mean society is literally ripping me apart. Then if I am not careful about what I do about it, society will twistedly and heartlessly turn around and try to say I am the racist. It is super frustrating. Another thing that is for a deeper rant is the push for me to be a homosexual, looking down on that, or not being manly or something, if I was gay I would be, I don't know how else to put it. People judge me for not doing anything about racism while I am being held back all the time!
Thanks for reading.
submitted by throwawaythekeyfacts to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.09.14 17:36 throwawayaskwomen30 Having a hard time severing ties

Hi. First and foremost this subreddit has helped me feel so much less alone when it comes to my own narcissistic father. I felt for a long time that my experience was unique, meaning that there was something fundamentally broken about me. I'm using a throwaway account just because I have friends on reddit who don't know as many of these details.
I'm sorry that this will be long - there is backstory that is built up but i'll try my best to keep it as concise as possible.
My parents divorced when I was 14, because my father told me my mother had an affair and called off their marriage. It was, of course, significantly more complicated than that (my father had cheated first, multiple times including once with my mothers teenage sister. My mother, a filipina immigrant was looking for an escape)
But because my father had no boundaries and my mother wanted to keep me safe, he allowed me to believe my mom was the villain. My mom sat there and took this narrative because she didn't want to destroy another parental figure in my life. We have come a long way, my mother and I. I am endlessly thankful for her love and patience with me.
But this created a relationship of dependency on my father who I believed was the good guy, the victim. Instead of comforting me, he went straight into dating. I'd come home with my little sister (who was 4 at the time) and there'd be a random woman sitting at my dinner table. My dad never guided me through my pain and my experience. In my junior year, i attempted suicide a few times but wasn't successful. When my father saw the cuts on my wrists he chose to ignore them because it was all a bit "dramatic". I convinced myself that I just wanted attention, attention is bad, and attention is only for babies. I struggled with severe depression and still do today at 28 years old.
I now know, through years of therapy, that my father ignored them because he couldn't bare the responsibility of causing me pain. So chose to put it on me instead.
He ended up getting a woman pregnant who he only had dated for a few months. When i moved out at 17 she moved right in. They now have a family. I struggled with her a lot due to her anger issues and drinking problem but because I still had such a deep attachment to my dad and a blind need for him to step into a father role, I would stomach it.
I'm close with my younger half brother and very close with my sister (who lives with my mom full time because she struggles a lot with my father. She saw it faster than I did). My fathers love was always conditional. He's a musician and teaches a music camp and often times I'd find him tuning out talking about what I was saying so I would ask him about himself just for a semblance of engagement. I found myself watering down who i am just so I could be more palatable to my father.
As I stated before, my father has no boundaries. He told me of his own disturbing trauma when I was at a young age, instilling a deep sense of fear and anxiety in me that I live with still. My mother also experience horrible devastating trauma but never wanted to tell me because she didn't want me to hold it for her. My dad betrayed her trust and told me my mothers trauma as well. She was devastated.
As you can imagine, that dynamic seeped into my romantic relationships too. Dated men who would look elsewhere, dated men who'd emotionally manipulate me, dated men who were more "traumatized" then me so I could feel like their savior. After years of this pattern I finally sought out therapy and other forms of healing.
Recently my father and I got into an argument. He was wasted and I was sober. He went on and on about writing an " Anti Trump anthem" but then turned around and said something incredibly dated and incredibly racist. I politely, a few times tried to let him know we don't say that anymore. I don't believe in calling people out, i believe on calling people in.
He exploded. More and more racist things came tumbling out of his mouth and accused me of being "way too politically correct" and thats the "issue with you and your sister". I should mention that my father is from England and is white. My sister and I are biracial and my half brother is full white.
This angered me, and I finally gave in and lost it. I can take a lot of shit but when you mention my younger sister I feel a fierce blinding protectiveness. I have never screamed at my father in my life but anger came pouring out of me.
When I got home I sobbed until about 4am and texted him to let him know he owes me a huge apology and I'm not moving on that. He told me he needs space.
It's been months now. He's missed my birthday. He won't let me see my little brother who has messaged me and told me he misses me. I'm trying to do my best to let him know that I'll always be there for him no matter what the adults do but my father is insistent on keeping us separate. I feel the same need to protect my brother from my father, I've already caught him saying racist phrases.
One he said to me recently (when he snuck a phone call with me) was " red like an indian". I didn't correct him but instead asked him to explain what he means. He slowly realized that it was offensive on his own. He is 9 years old.
While the "evolved" version of me knows that it is his own self obsession that is preventing him from growing there is still a huge part of me that is grieving the space I have held for my father to step into. And I can't stop the younger me perpetuating the dialog that if my father can so easily walk out of my life why would anyone else love me enough to stay? I have good days where I see clearly and I have days like today where I feel so incredibly hallow and alone.

Long story long - Those with narcissistic family. What was the thing that finally helped you let go of the version of you that they created? How did you get to that space? and do you ever find yourself drifting back into old thought patterns when around them?

TLDR; struggling with detaching from a now absent narcissistic father, and need help of how to now slip back into old patterns.
submitted by throwawayaskwomen30 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]


2020.09.14 09:44 throwaway437282 I can’t tell whether my family is narcissist or not?

I have huge pressure to have an arranged marriage to a woman from my family’s tribe
I am already biracial (half clack half brown) but because I am at college studying a potentially lucrative major, I feel a heavy pull from my black side of the family to stick with them solely for the rest of my life?
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be estranged from my family, but it feels like they want to own my life and my wealth?
First by controlling who I date and marry by pressuring me to have an arranged marriage, then by telling me where to live and most likely live close to family and then finally. Live with my arranged wife and my parents. Then I will have no escape from my family or my wife if the relationship between them and me is unbearable?
The biggest reason I struggle with this, is because I feel that I have to marry a woman with the same culture as them, despite me growing up in the west and beo quite westernized.
And then, because of being black I feel that I have to marry a black woman, despite being attracted to women from other races too.
And finally, I feel this pressure because a lot of immigrants and my family want to build generational wealth and keep this wealth within the family? Which is why they want to arrange a marriage for me with someone that has ties to my tribe and family?
I feel guilty because I feel that I am “supposed to” build generational wealth for my children and then keep it within my family but this goes at odds with me being free to date whoever I want?
Already being biracial and marrying someone who is also mixed culturally would then make highly mixed children, I have no problem with this but fear that my children will not feel tied to any of their background or cultural heritage?
All of this makes me feel like I have no right to my own life, because my life will be owned and controlled by the black side of my family all because of generational wealth?
What makes this even more difficult is that my family’s tribe experienced a genocide, so I feel even more obligated to take care of them by marrying within the tribe and building wealth for the tribe?
Are my family members narcissists?
TL/DR: I don’t know whether my family members are narcissistic or whether they are right that I should marry a woman from their exact same tribe and background to build generational wealth for their family and community? This goes at odds with me living my own free life?
submitted by throwaway437282 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]


2020.09.13 21:38 Galaxy-Afro Navajo Nice Guy Won't Take a Hint

This might be long, or it might be short, if long, I'll post a TLDR at the bottom of this.
Between 2016-2018, I was in Job Corps, specifically Collbran Job Corps, the center that was considered among the BEST in the nation (we had zero tolerance, people would be booted out for bad behavior, etc.) Often, every two weeks an input group would come, basically for those that DON'T know about it, input was to refer those who were NEW to Job Corps, so they'd try out trades, get uniforms, select trades, etc.
In one of these input groups was a kid I will call the "Navajo Nice Guy". Navajo was a VERY OBESE kid, like obese to the point that he looked like he had no neck, and was going to explode at any moment. He had LONG hair, and claimed himself to be a member of the Navajo tribe. (We had a LOT of Native American students from various reservations around Utah, Colorado, Wyoming, etc.)
I myself always liked chatting with people and often learning about cultures and such, one of my best friends there (and one of my drinking buddies) being half-Irish, half-Navajo. So I took the time to get to know this kid.
Navajo would often tell us stories from the reservation he lived on, often turning into some bizarre stuff, such as claiming that Donald Trump was RUN OFF the reservation by Navajos on horseback with bows and arrows in the middle of the desert... (I shit you not, this was TRULY what he said!) or that Navajos didn't KNOW what Pokemon was.
Navajo would start following me around EVERYWHERE as we were in the same trade (both in Floor Covering). To the point that he ALSO became a recreation leader (a position you could get in Job Corps, at least at Collbran, dunno how it works for OTHER CENTERS...) alongside me.
Around that time, Navajo began to develop feelings for me... and straight up confessed to me (I'm a bisexual biracial male, and honestly, I've gotten a LOT of men everywhere developing crushes on me and such, especially dating apps). I'm a decent person, and as I've been rejected a LOT for dating, I can understand the pain, so I tried to let him down nicely... (I was in a relationship at the time, so I was NOT interested. The man I was with was already awesome in many ways at the time).
He seemed to take it like normal at first, but often kept trying to ask if the guy and I were still together ALL THE TIME.
Eventually I left Job Corps in 2018 as I was accepted and promoted to AmeriCorps NCCC. I kept in touch with my friends from there, including the guy I was seeing. Navajo wouldn't give up trying to get with me, in fact EVERY Facebook convo was literally, "Have you broken up with X yet?" Every time I would tell him NO.
Navajo was 16 at the time of ALL OF THIS and I was at least 21 by March of that year in AmeriCorps, I wasn't interested, and I'm not the type to be running around hitting on TEENAGERS, I find that very creepy. I later found out from my now-ex that Navajo ALSO confessed his feelings to him, but was rejected because he was with me.
By November, I was in a major fight with the person I was with, and I cut things off. I was upset, to the point of crying often, and depressed as hell. Navajo attempted to help me cope in his OWN way...
He sent me a picture of his VERY tiny pecker... You could literally see all of the rolls of fat around it, making it look barely there (Navajo was about 400-500 pounds, and was HUGE, almost as if he could be on My 600-Pound-Life with Dr. Now if he didn't take care of that).
Once again, Navajo was 16 years old, and I was a 21 year old man. You know that I was NOT going to literally be stuck with this 16 year old nice guy's dick pics, especially in a government program where they could possibly look into my phone at any random time.
I told Navajo OFF about it, and he then began CRYING and talking about how he disrespected his Navajo ancestors, and said that he would CUT HIS ENTIRE HAND OFF as part of a supposed ceremony for disrespecting the ancestors, I told him to STOP, and don't do it ever again.
That was my final straw, and I didn't speak to him AGAIN after that, I cut him out entirely and never saw him again. Last I heard of him, he was confessing to ALL OF MY FRIENDS about his feelings and also sending them his dick pics as well as doing the SAME SHIT. He was ousted afterwards, and nobody has spoken to him again. I later told other former Job Corps students about what he did, and stories of his fake Navajo heritage started to add up...
TLDR; Job Corps Nice Guy Navajo confesses feelings to me, gets rejected, attempts to send DICK PICS to me while underage, threatens to cut his hand off because he got yelled at, gets ousted by other Job Corps Alumni...
submitted by Galaxy-Afro to niceguystories [link] [comments]


2020.09.11 18:18 throwaway437282 Sometimes I feel that white supremacists don’t want black people to have a “strong black family”. How do I reconcile this with growing up and living in a majority white country?

First off I apologise for this very sensitive and charged question, I just want to have honest advice and dialogue
I have no problem with white people whatsoever, I have had very good childhood white friends and I personally have dated white girls too
However now when it concerns something as serious as marriage, I feel so much pressure to choose the “right” mate. And since half of my family is black and I am black passing despite being biracial (half black, half brown).
I feel a lot of pressure to marry a black woman, despite being also attracted to white women and living in a majority white country?
Even if I married a black woman, my family would prefer if I had an arranged marriage to a woman from my tribe? As they want to preserve their tribe because they experienced a genocide in their home country because of being dark skinned. Which was perpetrated by more lighter skinned and mixed people
This is why it is seen as me betraying my tribe if I marry outside of it?
It’s the genocide my tribe experienced that makes it hard for me if I end up in an interracial marriage?
Thing is, if it wasn’t for my family or other pro black people, I would have no problem marrying a white person
But sometimes I kind of wonder whether genuine outright white supremacists don’t want me to marry a black woman or preserve my tribe, because they would rather have less full black people in their majority white countries rather than more?
If I live in a majority white country, isn’t it likely that if I have mixed children, that my children will then further also intermarry with more white people and that the sense of blackness in my family would be bred out and become more white over the generations?
Again, please keep in mind, I have no problem with white people, but I have these questions sometimes
Because I know that white supremacists are against interracial marriages because they view it as genocide against white people and “tainting” the white race
But on the other hand, doesn’t interracial marriage just work in white peoples favour because of the country already being majority white and that your children might likely also marry other white people?
The issue with the black community is that the “black family” is only largely preserved by first generation immigrants, second generation immigrant black peoples don’t seem likely to hold onto a “black family” and marriage?
I hate how political marriage seems and just want to marry the person I love, whether they are black, white, Asian etc.
But this does make me wonder, do white suoremacists really hate interracial marriage or do they actually don’t want black families to thrive in marriage?
Sorry if any of this has offended or rubbed people the wrong way, it’s just something I’ve wondered sometimes and wanted to see what people’s opinions are on it.
Isn’t this what Brazil did with trying to “whiten” the population by promoting interracial marriages in order to dilute the blackness of the population over time? I understand that it was the government of colonial Brazil that promoted this, but I still have suspicions that white supremacists would want this despite protesting about interracial marriages?
TL/DR: I have sometimes wondered whether white supremacists aren’t actually afraid of interracial marriage, because even though it “destroys” ethnic and cultural purity for both white and black people. If black people live in a majority white country, their mixed children are likely to marry another white person and then make that black person’s lineage white?
So which one is it for white supremacists? Is interracial marriage the problem or do they not want black peoples to marry and have a “strong black family” in order to bring more black people in their majority white country?
I know this might sound all sorts of paranoid and conspiracy minded, but it’s just a thought and I genuinely have no problem against white people
submitted by throwaway437282 to LifeAdvice [link] [comments]


2020.09.11 18:17 throwaway437282 Sometimes I feel that white supremacists don’t want black peoples to have a “strong black family”, how do I reconcile this with living in a majority white country?

First off I apologise for this very sensitive and charged question, I just want to have honest advice and dialogue
I have no problem with white people whatsoever, I have had very good childhood white friends and I personally have dated white girls too
However now when it concerns something as serious as marriage, I feel so much pressure to choose the “right” mate. And since half of my family is black and I am black passing despite being biracial (half black, half brown).
I feel a lot of pressure to marry a black woman, despite being also attracted to white women and living in a majority white country?
Even if I married a black woman, my family would prefer if I had an arranged marriage to a woman from my tribe? As they want to preserve their tribe because they experienced a genocide in their home country because of being dark skinned. Which was perpetrated by more lighter skinned and mixed people
This is why it is seen as me betraying my tribe if I marry outside of it?
It’s the genocide my tribe experienced that makes it hard for me if I end up in an interracial marriage?
Thing is, if it wasn’t for my family or other pro black people, I would have no problem marrying a white person
But sometimes I kind of wonder whether genuine outright white supremacists don’t want me to marry a black woman or preserve my tribe, because they would rather have less full black people in their majority white countries rather than more?
If I live in a majority white country, isn’t it likely that if I have mixed children, that my children will then further also intermarry with more white people and that the sense of blackness in my family would be bred out and become more white over the generations?
Again, please keep in mind, I have no problem with white people, but I have these questions sometimes
Because I know that white supremacists are against interracial marriages because they view it as genocide against white people and “tainting” the white race
But on the other hand, doesn’t interracial marriage just work in white peoples favour because of the country already being majority white and that your children might likely also marry other white people?
The issue with the black community is that the “black family” is only largely preserved by first generation immigrants, second generation immigrant black peoples don’t seem likely to hold onto a “black family” and marriage?
I hate how political marriage seems and just want to marry the person I love, whether they are black, white, Asian etc.
But this does make me wonder, do white suoremacists really hate interracial marriage or do they actually don’t want black families to thrive in marriage?
Sorry if any of this has offended or rubbed people the wrong way, it’s just something I’ve wondered sometimes and wanted to see what people’s opinions are on it.
Isn’t this what Brazil did with trying to “whiten” the population by promoting interracial marriages in order to dilute the blackness of the population over time? I understand that it was the government of colonial Brazil that promoted this, but I still have suspicions that white supremacists would want this despite protesting about interracial marriages?
TL/DR: I have sometimes wondered whether white supremacists aren’t actually afraid of interracial marriage, because even though it “destroys” ethnic and cultural purity for both white and black people. If black people live in a majority white country, their mixed children are likely to marry another white person and then make that black person’s lineage white?
So which one is it for white supremacists? Is interracial marriage the problem or do they not want black peoples to marry and have a “strong black family” in order to bring more black people in their majority white country?
I know this might sound all sorts of paranoid and conspiracy minded, but it’s just a thought and I genuinely have no problem against white people
submitted by throwaway437282 to helpme [link] [comments]


2020.09.10 10:55 bigflame123 Is it selfish to have an interracial marriage, if my children will lose ties to culture, struggle to fit in with my family and will have identity issues?

So
I am already technically biracial, half black, half brown. My parents are first generation immigrants and I know exactly where they are from and what their cultures are like (well not super exactly about culture but largely)
So I’ve grown up in the west, I’ve had friends from all backgrounds, white, black, Asian, Middle Eastern etc. Race was never a problem for me.
But here’s the problem
I’m the opposite of my parents, I’m very westernized and individualistic and just want to live my own life, while my parents are very traditional and hold on to their original cultures
So living daily life in the west, I already by default, don’t come across a lot of people from my parent’s country of origin, so I have had to interact with people from other ethnicities and cultures
So when it comes to dating, I never had a problem just dating who I want. But now that I’m getting older and it is close to the time of marriage. I feel SOOOOOOOOO MUCH pressure to marry a woman from either of my parent’s culture?
The fear is that if I don’t:
-my children won’t be able to fit in with my extended family
-If in in an interracial relationship, my children will not only struggle with identity issues, but my black side of the family resents lighter skinned people due to coming from a tribe that suffered from war and genocide based on being dark skinned. So my wife and children might suffer because of my dark skinned family
-The more heavily mixed my children, the harder it is for my children to feel an affinity for either of my parent’s countries and cultures of origin?
So the more mixed my children, the harder it becomes for my descendants to trace their ancestors exact place of origin?
For me it’s easy, I know exactly where my parents come from in their country of origin. So technically I could easily travel to either locations to experience life and culture there
But if my descendants are heavily mixed, this would be very hard. So to the very heavily mixed people on this sub, how has being heavily mixed positively and negatively impacted your affinity and ties to your ethnic heritage?
And would you say that being closer to one culture is better to being multi racial and cultural?
As my black side of the family wants me to marry from their side in order to preserve ethnic and cultural “purity”?
However I will highly likely be in an interracial marriage because of growing up in the west?
I especially struggle so much with this issue because I want the best for my kids but then I feel that it marriage is solely for kids and not for me. Then am I not selfish in dating interracially and making it harder for my children to fit into my family and society?
On one hand I have no problem marrying a white woman, but the fear is that my children would not take to my parent’s culture at all? Even fearing that my children will be “whitewashed” as offensive as that sounds? As I want to raise my children with both cultures but fear that my children and descendants will lose my parent’s culture despite me trying my hardest to include them in the culture?
TL/DR: If marriage is all for children, am I not being selfish in marrying interracially if my children will not only struggle with identity issues. But also a sense of losing ties and affinity to their parent’s original culture?
And if my children or descendants will be heavily mixed, wouldn’t this then cut ties with my parent’s culture and country of origin eventually?
I find this hard to reconcile, as I’m attracted to women of other races and ethnicities, but fear my children having a multitude of issues when it comes to culture, race and fitting in with family and other people from the same culture or other black people?
submitted by bigflame123 to mixedrace [link] [comments]


2020.09.10 10:53 throwaway437282 Is if selfish to have an interracial marriage if my children will suffer from identity issues, loss of ties to culture and struggle to fit in with my family?

So
I am already technically biracial, half black, half brown. My parents are first generation immigrants and I know exactly where they are from and what their cultures are like (well not super exactly about culture but largely)
So I’ve grown up in the west, I’ve had friends from all backgrounds, white, black, Asian, Middle Eastern etc. Race was never a problem for me.
But here’s the problem
I’m the opposite of my parents, I’m very westernized and individualistic and just want to live my own life, while my parents are very traditional and hold on to their original cultures
So living daily life in the west, I already by default, don’t come across a lot of people from my parent’s country of origin, so I have had to interact with people from other ethnicities and cultures
So when it comes to dating, I never had a problem just dating who I want. But now that I’m getting older and it is close to the time of marriage. I feel SOOOOOOOOO MUCH pressure to marry a woman from either of my parent’s culture?
The fear is that if I don’t:
-my children won’t be able to fit in with my extended family
-If in in an interracial relationship, my children will not only struggle with identity issues, but my black side of the family resents lighter skinned people due to coming from a tribe that suffered from war and genocide based on being dark skinned. So my wife and children might suffer because of my dark skinned family
-The more heavily mixed my children, the harder it is for my children to feel an affinity for either of my parent’s countries and cultures of origin?
So the more mixed my children, the harder it becomes for my descendants to trace their ancestors exact place of origin?
For me it’s easy, I know exactly where my parents come from in their country of origin. So technically I could easily travel to either locations to experience life and culture there
But if my descendants are heavily mixed, this would be very hard. So to the very heavily mixed people on this sub, how has being heavily mixed positively and negatively impacted your affinity and ties to your ethnic heritage?
And would you say that being closer to one culture is better to being multi racial and cultural?
As my black side of the family wants me to marry from their side in order to preserve ethnic and cultural “purity”?
However I will highly likely be in an interracial marriage because of growing up in the west?
I especially struggle so much with this issue because I want the best for my kids but then I feel that it marriage is solely for kids and not for me. Then am I not selfish in dating interracially and making it harder for my children to fit into my family and society?
On one hand I have no problem marrying a white woman, but the fear is that my children would not take to my parent’s culture at all? Even fearing that my children will be “whitewashed” as offensive as that sounds? As I want to raise my children with both cultures but fear that my children and descendants will lose my parent’s culture despite me trying my hardest to include them in the culture?
TL/DR: If marriage is all for children, am I not being selfish in marrying interracially if my children will not only struggle with identity issues. But also a sense of losing ties and affinity to their parent’s original culture?
And if my children or descendants will be heavily mixed, wouldn’t this then cut ties with my parent’s culture and country of origin eventually?
I find this hard to reconcile, as I’m attracted to women of other races and ethnicities, but fear my children having a multitude of issues when it comes to culture, race and fitting in with family and other people from the same culture or other black people?
submitted by throwaway437282 to helpme [link] [comments]


2020.09.10 10:52 throwaway437282 Is if selfish fo have an interracial marriage if my children will suffer from identity issues, struggle to fit in with my family and lose ties to my parent’s culture?

So
I am already technically biracial, half black, half brown. My parents are first generation immigrants and I know exactly where they are from and what their cultures are like (well not super exactly about culture but largely)
So I’ve grown up in the west, I’ve had friends from all backgrounds, white, black, Asian, Middle Eastern etc. Race was never a problem for me.
But here’s the problem
I’m the opposite of my parents, I’m very westernized and individualistic and just want to live my own life, while my parents are very traditional and hold on to their original cultures
So living daily life in the west, I already by default, don’t come across a lot of people from my parent’s country of origin, so I have had to interact with people from other ethnicities and cultures
So when it comes to dating, I never had a problem just dating who I want. But now that I’m getting older and it is close to the time of marriage. I feel SOOOOOOOOO MUCH pressure to marry a woman from either of my parent’s culture?
The fear is that if I don’t:
-my children won’t be able to fit in with my extended family
-If in in an interracial relationship, my children will not only struggle with identity issues, but my black side of the family resents lighter skinned people due to coming from a tribe that suffered from war and genocide based on being dark skinned. So my wife and children might suffer because of my dark skinned family
-The more heavily mixed my children, the harder it is for my children to feel an affinity for either of my parent’s countries and cultures of origin?
So the more mixed my children, the harder it becomes for my descendants to trace their ancestors exact place of origin?
For me it’s easy, I know exactly where my parents come from in their country of origin. So technically I could easily travel to either locations to experience life and culture there
But if my descendants are heavily mixed, this would be very hard. So to the very heavily mixed people on this sub, how has being heavily mixed positively and negatively impacted your affinity and ties to your ethnic heritage?
And would you say that being closer to one culture is better to being multi racial and cultural?
As my black side of the family wants me to marry from their side in order to preserve ethnic and cultural “purity”?
However I will highly likely be in an interracial marriage because of growing up in the west?
I especially struggle so much with this issue because I want the best for my kids but then I feel that it marriage is solely for kids and not for me. Then am I not selfish in dating interracially and making it harder for my children to fit into my family and society?
On one hand I have no problem marrying a white woman, but the fear is that my children would not take to my parent’s culture at all? Even fearing that my children will be “whitewashed” as offensive as that sounds? As I want to raise my children with both cultures but fear that my children and descendants will lose my parent’s culture despite me trying my hardest to include them in the culture?
TL/DR: If marriage is all for children, am I not being selfish in marrying interracially if my children will not only struggle with identity issues. But also a sense of losing ties and affinity to their parent’s original culture?
And if my children or descendants will be heavily mixed, wouldn’t this then cut ties with my parent’s culture and country of origin eventually?
I find this hard to reconcile, as I’m attracted to women of other races and ethnicities, but fear my children having a multitude of issues when it comes to culture, race and fitting in with family and other people from the same culture or other black people?
submitted by throwaway437282 to LifeAdvice [link] [comments]


2020.09.10 10:50 throwaway437282 Is it selfish if I (M24) have an interracial marriage if my children would suffer from identity issues, loss of my parent’s culture and struggle to fit in with my family?

So
I am already technically biracial, half black, half brown. My parents are first generation immigrants and I know exactly where they are from and what their cultures are like (well not super exactly about culture but largely)
So I’ve grown up in the west, I’ve had friends from all backgrounds, white, black, Asian, Middle Eastern etc. Race was never a problem for me.
But here’s the problem
I’m the opposite of my parents, I’m very westernized and individualistic and just want to live my own life, while my parents are very traditional and hold on to their original cultures
So living daily life in the west, I already by default, don’t come across a lot of people from my parent’s country of origin, so I have had to interact with people from other ethnicities and cultures
So when it comes to dating, I never had a problem just dating who I want. But now that I’m getting older and it is close to the time of marriage. I feel SOOOOOOOOO MUCH pressure to marry a woman from either of my parent’s culture?
The fear is that if I don’t:
-my children won’t be able to fit in with my extended family
-If in in an interracial relationship, my children will not only struggle with identity issues, but my black side of the family resents lighter skinned people due to coming from a tribe that suffered from war and genocide based on being dark skinned. So my wife and children might suffer because of my dark skinned family
-The more heavily mixed my children, the harder it is for my children to feel an affinity for either of my parent’s countries and cultures of origin?
So the more mixed my children, the harder it becomes for my descendants to trace their ancestors exact place of origin?
For me it’s easy, I know exactly where my parents come from in their country of origin. So technically I could easily travel to either locations to experience life and culture there
But if my descendants are heavily mixed, this would be very hard. So to the very heavily mixed people on this sub, how has being heavily mixed positively and negatively impacted your affinity and ties to your ethnic heritage?
And would you say that being closer to one culture is better to being multi racial and cultural?
As my black side of the family wants me to marry from their side in order to preserve ethnic and cultural “purity”?
However I will highly likely be in an interracial marriage because of growing up in the west?
I especially struggle so much with this issue because I want the best for my kids but then I feel that it marriage is solely for kids and not for me. Then am I not selfish in dating interracially and making it harder for my children to fit into my family and society?
On one hand I have no problem marrying a white woman, but the fear is that my children would not take to my parent’s culture at all? Even fearing that my children will be “whitewashed” as offensive as that sounds? As I want to raise my children with both cultures but fear that my children and descendants will lose my parent’s culture despite me trying my hardest to include them in the culture?
TL/DR: If marriage is all for children, am I not being selfish in marrying interracially if my children will not only struggle with identity issues. But also a sense of losing ties and affinity to their parent’s original culture?
And if my children or descendants will be heavily mixed, wouldn’t this then cut ties with my parent’s culture and country of origin eventually?
I find this hard to reconcile, as I’m attracted to women of other races and ethnicities, but fear my children having a multitude of issues when it comes to culture, race and fitting in with family and other people from the same culture or other black people?
submitted by throwaway437282 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.10 10:48 throwaway437282 Is interracial dating selfish if my children would have identity problems, lose ties to my parent’s culture and find it difficult to fit in with my black family?

So
I am already technically biracial, half black, half brown. My parents are first generation immigrants and I know exactly where they are from and what their cultures are like (well not super exactly about culture but largely)
So I’ve grown up in the west, I’ve had friends from all backgrounds, white, black, Asian, Middle Eastern etc. Race was never a problem for me.
But here’s the problem
I’m the opposite of my parents, I’m very westernized and individualistic and just want to live my own life, while my parents are very traditional and hold on to their original cultures
So living daily life in the west, I already by default, don’t come across a lot of people from my parent’s country of origin, so I have had to interact with people from other ethnicities and cultures
So when it comes to dating, I never had a problem just dating who I want. But now that I’m getting older and it is close to the time of marriage. I feel SOOOOOOOOO MUCH pressure to marry a woman from either of my parent’s culture?
The fear is that if I don’t:
-my children won’t be able to fit in with my extended family
-If in in an interracial relationship, my children will not only struggle with identity issues, but my black side of the family resents lighter skinned people due to coming from a tribe that suffered from war and genocide based on being dark skinned. So my wife and children might suffer because of my dark skinned family
-The more heavily mixed my children, the harder it is for my children to feel an affinity for either of my parent’s countries and cultures of origin?
So the more mixed my children, the harder it becomes for my descendants to trace their ancestors exact place of origin?
For me it’s easy, I know exactly where my parents come from in their country of origin. So technically I could easily travel to either locations to experience life and culture there
But if my descendants are heavily mixed, this would be very hard. So to the very heavily mixed people on this sub, how has being heavily mixed positively and negatively impacted your affinity and ties to your ethnic heritage?
And would you say that being closer to one culture is better to being multi racial and cultural?
As my black side of the family wants me to marry from their side in order to preserve ethnic and cultural “purity”?
However I will highly likely be in an interracial marriage because of growing up in the west?
I especially struggle so much with this issue because I want the best for my kids but then I feel that it marriage is solely for kids and not for me. Then am I not selfish in dating interracially and making it harder for my children to fit into my family and society?
On one hand I have no problem marrying a white woman, but the fear is that my children would not take to my parent’s culture at all? Even fearing that my children will be “whitewashed” as offensive as that sounds? As I want to raise my children with both cultures but fear that my children and descendants will lose my parent’s culture despite me trying my hardest to include them in the culture?
TL/DR: If marriage is all for children, am I not being selfish in marrying interracially if my children will not only struggle with identity issues. But also a sense of losing ties and affinity to their parent’s original culture?
And if my children or descendants will be heavily mixed, wouldn’t this then cut ties with my parent’s culture and country of origin eventually?
I find this hard to reconcile, as I’m attracted to women of other races and ethnicities, but fear my children having a multitude of issues when it comes to culture, race and fitting in with family and other people from the same culture or other black people?
submitted by throwaway437282 to Marriage [link] [comments]


2020.09.10 06:51 Loveawake_com Modern Biracial Dating In America Loveawake.com blog

Modern Biracial Dating In America Loveawake.com blog submitted by Loveawake_com to u/Loveawake_com [link] [comments]


2020.09.09 09:57 KiraDanto Employment Law - Large dept store employee laid off due to COVID-19, told to come back as a seasonal employee. Position given to another seasonal employee while I’m still employed.

Summary: ‪ 1. They took 5 months back pay of medical insurance payments totaling in around $400 out of my check without my knowledge. They made it seem insurance was covered during the furloughed mall closures.
  1. Never changed my pay or title in the system, was verbally told would my pay would be decreased, but no contracts were signed. Can they reclaim funds?
  2. Gave my position to another employee while I am still currently employed with same title in their system. Not sure how to proceed.
Full story :
I am a cosmetics counter manager at a large dept store. They informed me they would lay me off because of their decision to reduce their workforce by 40% due to Covid-19 ...they called be back a couple days later and offered me a position as a “seasonal employee” in fulfillment for a store event (I am the only counter manager hired back as seasonal that was put in another department) and I am still there currently. I couldn’t refuse because of the effects it would have on my unemployment benefits as it would be considered a refusal. We also were told that we may get an opportunity to return if positions became available after the event. They hired other seasonal employees back in the cosmetics dept as well. This is my issue, they offered another seasonal representative currently in the cosmetics dept my previous permanent counter manager position, even though she was before our covid 19 furlough only a part time employee which was then promoted to a full time rep. then to manager to fill my position. I am still employed there as a temporary seasonal with the same title in the system. We are both female and she is Hispanic and older than I am with a 15 year tenure. I have been there 4 years and am biracial, 1/2 Hispanic 1/2 Caucasian. I was verbally told they were going to cut my pay from $22 per hour to $16 when I moved to fulfillment but they never did, and I still have the counter manager title on my paystubs with the same pay of $22. I never signed any agreements or contracts stating they would cut my pay. I’m not sure if they can reclaim any funds after my layoff becomes official . I have screen shots of conversations with my department manager, along with proof of the position replacement. Some other sales reps were placed in fulfillment were moved back into cosmetics as positions opened, I respectfully expressed my interest in returning to cosmetics to my department manager to see if it was possible and she said she was waiting to see what positions would become available. I was in good standing... I was also always praised for my performance. They even promoted regular reps to be counter managers in other counters to take available management positions as well as kept newer employees still within their probationary periods. I also witnessed our department manager hiring new employees for different positions available. They haven’t discussed anything at all with me. At this time I am unsure if I have a legal case, I’m not sure If I was discriminated or retaliated against somehow. Furthermore, I don’t know if I should even express these concerns with HR before the layoff becomes official in one weeks time. I’ve been scared of filing a complaint to then have them terminate me for any reason since I am an at will employee in California and that in turn would effect my unemployment benefits. I also never really had any issues with management before covid -19. I was not offered any severance. My furlough started in March and I started again at the end of July, they also charged me my medical insurance through pay stub deductions totaling in around $400 from that date. They never told me I would have to pay back the insurance if the seasonal position was taken. I just have no idea how I should proceed. Do nothing? Should I file a formal complaint? Let them lay me off then file a complaint? Try and negotiate some sort of severance?
submitted by KiraDanto to EmploymentLaw [link] [comments]


2020.09.09 09:48 KiraDanto Employment Law- large dept store employee laid off due to COVID-19 and called back as a seasonal employee. Original position offered to another seasonal employee. Do I have a case?

Summary: ‪ 1. They took 5 months back pay of medical insurance payments totaling in around $400 out of my check without my knowledge. They made it seem insurance was covered during the furloughed mall closures.
  1. Never changed my pay or title in the system, was verbally told would my pay would be decreased, but no contracts were signed. Can they reclaim funds?
  2. Gave my position to another employee while I am still currently employed with same title in their system. Not sure how to proceed.
Full story :
I am a cosmetics counter manager at a large dept store. They informed me they would lay me off because of their decision to reduce their workforce by 40% due to Covid-19 ...they called be back a couple days later and offered me a position as a “seasonal employee” in fulfillment for a store event (I am the only counter manager hired back as seasonal that was put in another department) and I am still there currently. I couldn’t refuse because of the effects it would have on my unemployment benefits as it would be considered a refusal. We also were told that we may get an opportunity to return if positions became available after the store event. They hired other seasonal employees back in the cosmetics dept as well. This is my issue, they offered another seasonal representative currently in the cosmetics dept my previous permanent counter manager position, even though she was before our covid 19 furlough only a part time employee which was then promoted to a full time rep. then to manager to fill my position. I am still employed there as a temporary seasonal with the same title in the system. We are both female and she is Hispanic and older than I am with a 15 year tenure. I have been there 4 years and am biracial, 1/2 Hispanic 1/2 Caucasian. I was verbally told they were going to cut my pay from $22 per hour to $16 when I moved to fulfillment but they never did, and I still have the counter manager title on my paystubs with the same pay of $22. I never signed any agreements or contracts stating they would cut my pay. I’m not sure if they can reclaim any funds after my layoff becomes official . I have screen shots of conversations with my department manager, along with proof of the position replacement. Some other sales reps were placed in fulfillment were moved back into cosmetics as positions opened, I respectfully expressed my interest in returning to cosmetics to my department manager to see if it was possible and she said she was waiting to see what positions would become available. I was in good standing... I was also always praised for my performance. They even promoted regular reps to be counter managers in other counters to take available management positions as well as kept newer employees still within their probationary periods. I also witnessed our department manager hiring new employees for different positions available. They haven’t discussed anything at all with me. At this time I am unsure if I have a legal case, I’m not sure If I was discriminated or retaliated against somehow. Furthermore, I don’t know if I should even express these concerns with HR before the layoff becomes official in one weeks time. I’ve been scared of filing a complaint to then have them terminate me for any reason since I am an at will employee in California and that in turn would effect my unemployment benefits. I also never really had any issues with management before covid -19. I was not offered any severance. My furlough started in March and I started again at the end of July, they also charged me my medical insurance through pay stub deductions totaling in around $400 from that date. They never told me I would have to pay back the insurance if the seasonal position was taken. I just have no idea how I should proceed. Do nothing? Should I file a formal complaint? Let them lay me off then file a complaint? Try and negotiate some sort of severance?
submitted by KiraDanto to legaladvice [link] [comments]


2020.09.08 21:21 ThrowRA-0042 I Have Dark Eye, and I’m Starting to Develop a Complex About It.

So sorry for the throwaway, but I’m a biracial shorter bi-guy [21]; I’ve dealt with and come to terms with all of those things, but what’s giving me a complex in recent days is my eye color. I have dark eyes, really Dark eyes; pretty much black with a strip of “maybe it’s brown” just around the pupil. I’ve always been aware of it; I wanted glowing purple eyes when I was younger 😅; the three times I got friend-zoned trying as a young buck, my awkwardness made me listen to them go on about guys beautiful eyes, there where other factors but eyes where always a significant part of the discussion (in order they were blue, green, and then gray). The one ex who cheated on me; when confronted, had a 5 minute aside mid breakup meltdown to talk about how she “just couldn’t say no to those deep blue eyes” (the literal words that came out of her mouth). I’ve had other little things like partners commenting on people’s eyes, who, as I’m thinking about now, never had anything to say about my eyes. I’ve never gotten a compliment on my eyes, and of course not, they are just black.
Now I’ve been talking to a girl online because quarantine, it was going well (pics are exchanged mutually, conversations are had, we are planning to meet up in person) when she says starts a new job and mid week she is saying she needs some time to get things in order I say “OK whatever you need.” I back off for a couple of days get ignored checking in over the following week. One week after that, I've accepted it (kinda) there is a Snapchat story talking about the great guy she met at work and “his beautiful green eyes.” silent screaming
TLDR My black eyes seem to put me at a disadvantage in dating. I know I am a six on a good day, and I am not pretending that I can’t keep a partner because of my eyes. Genuinely it has been a negative factor around 70% of the relationships I’ve shot for or just a nonfactor. I do alright for myself, but it seems like every time people talk about how in love they are, they talk about the person's eye. I can’t help but feel like all anyone ever sees in my eyes is a dark void. I like them all, but fuck, if I’m honest with myself, I have a preference for green eyes.
I don’t know if there is any advice that can be given. I kind of came on here to vent to somebody. But yeah: - Why is this such a big of a factor? - What could I possibly do about it? - Does anybody actually have any feeling about black eyes that aren’t about come villains beady black eyes?
IDK Discuss and vent beautiful people of Reddit. I’m going to get some sleep
Edit: The Spelling Issues I Caught.
submitted by ThrowRA-0042 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.06 14:49 readingrachelx Housewife highlights/Daily shit talk - September 6th, 2020

Housewife highlights/Daily shit talk - September 6th, 2020

Erika Jayne for SavageXFenty
  • Erika Jayne named ambassador for SavageXFenty (Erika Jayne Instagram)
  • Cut RHOBH footage of the ladies discussing Aaron Phypers (Queens of Bravo Twitter)
  • Lisa Vanderpump Opens Up About Her Finances Taking a Hit Amid Pandemic (Reality Blurb/Give Them Lala... with Randall podcast) "While Lala described Lisa as “wealthy [as f**k]” during the episode after Lisa revealed that she is now doing her own nails, Lisa clarified that she “used to be” wealthy prior to the pandemic before saying she hopes it will be safe to reopen her restaurants soon. “Five months of paying rent and insurance, and having no business is taxing, stretching, [has been] a bit of a nightmare. But we’ll get back on track soon,” she shared. “When we do decide to open, we have good-sized patios. Pump is 90 percent garden. TomTom has two gardens and we can put tables outside. So we are very fortunate with that but we’ve just been waiting for it to be safe.” “Vanderpump Garden is open but distancing is essential and Caesars is doing a really good job with that,” she stated about her Las Vegas eatery which she opened last year. The Pump Rules boss also admitted during the interview that she helped her two children, Pandora Sabo and Max Todd, buy their homes. “I did buy them both… gave them the deposit for a place to live and they both have a mortgage,” shared Lisa. “Pandora and Jason have a mortgage and Max has a mortgage. I gave them a start but I like them to have their responsibilities.”
  • Extended RHOP preview for tonight's episode (Queens of Bravo Twitter) I'm FAR too excited for this.
  • Teresa Giudice: How She Feels About Dating After Divorce From Joe Is Finalized (HollywoodLife Exclusive) “Teresa is having fun and flirting with men but she’s not dating anyone seriously. It’ll probably be some time before that happens but her friends are trying to set her up,” an insider close to the Real Housewives of New Jersey star spilled to HollywoodLife EXCLUSIVELY. “She seems to feel weird about it because of her younger daughters, so maybe when they’re a bit older,” the source added. “The girls aren’t ready for her to date and she’s really busy with them and filming that it’s just not at the top of her priority list. Maybe one day she’ll be open to a relationship and love again, but right now, she’s still healing from the end of her marriage and focusing on herself,” the insider explained. “She’s in the best place she’s been in quite sometime and you can tell how light and happy she is. The girls are doing well too and Gia being home so much has helped Teresa out tremendously. She is able to get out and have fun and unwind. She didn’t get to do that for a long time while Joe was away.” “Joe isn’t dating anyone seriously either for the same reasons. He’s missing his girls tremendously and that consumes his thoughts a lot,” the source said. “The family is all on FaceTime all day, every day. He sees his family often and has made friends and stays busy with work. This is a new chapter for all of them. The girls can’t wait to see their dad. As soon as it’s safe, it will happen,” they also noted. Despite the divorce, Teresa and Joe have maintained a friendly relationship — and are even going to be working together to sell sex toys! The duo have partnered with European distributor Zalo USA, which will be prominently featured on RHONJ‘s season 11."
  • Pics of the Jersey cast filming an all-white party at Melissa's shore home in memory of Teresa and Joe's late father (realhousewivesfranchise Instagram)
  • Video interview: Ashley Darby on Her ‘Unconventional’ Marriage to Michael and Their Season 5 Troubles (ET Online exclusive) "Ashley Darby very much relates to Jada Pinkett Smith and the whole "entanglement" saga. "Oh my gosh," the Real Housewives of Potomac star sighs when the topic comes up. Back in June, Jada and her husband, Will Smith, revealed to the world that Jada had a relationship outside of her marriage to Will with singer August Alsina that went on for quite some time. Jada and August's "entanglement," as Jada dubbed it, occurred while Will and Jada were on a break of sorts from their marriage. "You know, I related to that a little more than I'd like to admit," Ashley says, recalling watching the episode of Red Table Talk on which Will and Jada discussed their relationship woes. "I was like, man, Jada. I'm with you girl," she continues. "I get it. I mean, marriage is just so hard -- and it's really hard being a public figure and having difficulties, and it's even more difficult when you decide to talk about them and say some things that aren't necessarily fitting the mold of what people think a marriage is or should be." Ashley's marriage to her husband, Michael, has been under a microscope for five years of RHOP. They have an age difference (she's a millennial, he's in his 50s) and a number of cultural differences (she's American and biracial, he's from Australia), and there hasn't been a single season where allegations of infidelity, hidden sexuality or some combination of the two aren't a topic of discussion. Season 5 is no different, as Ashley's co-star, Candiace Dillard Bassett, receives a text message with new accusations against Michael. This time, someone claims to have seen Michael out at a strip club, where he allegedly shared that he has "a boyfriend and a wife." "Obviously, Candiace and I have had our share of differences in the past, so I wasn't really keen on believing her from the beginning, because Candiace has said a lot of things that weren't true," Ashley shares of what starts to play out in this Sunday's episode. "I took it with a grain of salt... and then it unfolds and boy, does it unfold," she adds. "I mean, there's, like, layers upon layers upon layers of it." In the past, Ashley and Michael have largely brushed off the rumors, denied them or gotten involved in legal action about them. This time will be different, though, as Ashley admits Michael did make a "pretty significant" mistake. Viewers will see the 32-year-old confront her husband in an upcoming episode. "I'm truthful and I know that can be a hard thing to believe, and that people want to think that we make up things and there's all these facades around our relationship, but I really am truthful," she says. "So if there's something that needs to be talked about, if there's a hurdle that we actually do need to overcome or an issue we have to address, we're going to address it." "It's not as though I've said those things in the past to be facetious, or to just, like, you know, create this false illusion about my marriage," she adds, referencing the way the couple has handled marital speed bumps in the past. "No, if there was an issue then, I would've talked about it. When we were having issues with the restaurant [we owned], I was upfront and talked about it. When I was having issues with my mom and how my family dynamic was working, we talked about it, and this is not going to be any different. So, the things that were false, yes, I said those were false. The things that are true, I will talk about them, and if they're true, they're true." Ashley says fans will definitely learn some new information about her relationship and how it works before season 5’s end. "I'm not a conventional person and I just don't think it's gonna come as a shock to anybody," she teases. "Michael and I are an unconventional couple in many ways." The pair is still very much together, though. They recently wrapped up an extended stay at their beach house in Delaware, and are now back home in the Potomac area. (And she's not sure why Google has Michael labeled as "Ashley Darby’s ex-husband," but offers a joke guess of a petty employee of the search engine just wanting to mess with her.) "I love my husband," she declares. "He's a great husband, and my relationship is going to withstand. It's strong enough to withstand a lot. It's really going to be up to us to what we think is something we can overcome. I'm not going to let the media, or the public, or the opinions of others affect what I do and how I approach my marriage. Everyone's going to have an opinion. I'm sure there'll be some very strong reactions to what they see and what happens, but ultimately the only person who really lays next to Michael at night and has to have these discussions is me. So, that's that." (more in article and in video)
  • New RHOA star LaToya Ali announced she was getting a divorce in June 2020. She and her husband seem to have since reconciled as they were photographed with Kandi and Todd. (Bossip) Something to watch for this season - we'll see if it's addressed on the show.
  • Lydia McLaughlin Weighs in on the New RHOC Season (bravotv.com) "Lydia still spends lots of time with her RHOC friends Gretchen Rossi, Lizzie Rovsek, and Alexis Bellino. In fact, all three women made an appearance on Glitter Town during a super glam brunch Lydia and Judy threw. Lydia actually sees Gretchen (and her adorable daughter, Skylar Gray) on a weekly basis. “We’re in a bible study together,” Lydia explained. “We’ve grown really close. She’s a wonderful mom, and she loves her little baby, and she’s just dedicated her whole life to Skylar. I’m so proud of her.” When asked how she feels about Tamra Judge and Vicki Gunvalson not returning, Lydia explained, “I felt like it was a long time coming, honestly. I think it’s a good switch-up. I’m excited to see what the cast does.” “I love Vicki, and I ran into her a couple times, and I think it’s good for her. I think she’s ready to leave,” Lydia continued. “She has a successful relationship, she has an engagement. She has a daughter, she’s a grandmother. I think that she has a lot going on. I do know that Tamra…she’s not letting it go. She’s still talking about it. I just feel bad for her, it’s kind of like, OK, you need to move on and do something else. She’s talking about the next season, and I think it’s a little…it sounds pathetic.” There are also two ‘Wives she’s not on great terms with. “Shannon [Storms Beador] and Tamra both have blocked me, so I don’t know what’s going on in their lives,” she said. “I don’t know, maybe they’ve unblocked me now. I haven’t checked lately.” Lydia went on to say that after 15 seasons, she finds it refreshing to meet some fresh faces, as it’s interesting to take a look into the lives of new people who have stories to tell."
  • An Instagram story clip where Kelly Dodd refers to OC as "her show" (Queens of Bravo Twitter)
  • Real Housewives of Cheshire star Dawn Ward reveals she and her family have contracted coronavirus (Manchester Evening News)
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2020.09.05 20:43 MangoOfMisery Arab Muslim (19F) dating Biracial American (25F) *parents not happy*

Edit: oops I meant (25M)
Ok guys. I've been dating my boyfriend for about 5 months. We met from Tinder, but I didn't tell my parents that obviously. I'm not religious, but my mom is, and neither of my parents were happy to hear I was talking to an American boy that was older than me. Since the beginning, there's been a lot of friction with my parents not accepting I want to spend time with my boyfriend. Since Covid ended in-person classes in the middle of March, I had been living with them and that's also when I met my boyfriend. When we would hang out or go to the beach and spend half the day out of the house, etc. I'd come back home to 2 extremely angry parents, and they would say things like "You'll never see him again" and twice they took away my phone and laptop to 'punish' me for staying out too long. Then, they'd be fine in a couple days and let me see him and give me back my stuff.
He has come over to the house to meet my parents officially and I thought it went well. They said he seemed like a nice boy. After that, he came back a few times for dinner and even hung out with my parents smoking hookah, drinking wine, and telling jokes. Even though all of that happened, they still were still getting irrationally upset with me being outside the house so long.
At some point, it had been 3 months with my family, I couldn't stand being cooped up with them being so hot and cold all the time, so I picked up and left. Long story short, I lived outside of the house at my boyfriend's place for a month until they reached out and said they'd have me back and give me a bit more freedom. Now that Spring semester is here, I've moved near my university that's about 2 hours away, but they've figured out that I'm spending the night at my boyfriend's sometimes and they're back to overreacting and saying things they don't mean.
I don't think they'll be accepting of me continuing living the way I'm living, but they can't force me to be a "good Muslim girl." I want to be happy and that means having my boyfriend in my life, but that's hard to do when my parents have a bad impression of him. How can I have both?
submitted by MangoOfMisery to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.05 18:02 realnyahours i need to know if i have a case

i dated a guy from 15-16, and he was terrible. he made fun of my weight and my trauma constantly when i dated him. ever since i dumped him, he has always spammed my accounts with hateful shit (calling me a nigger (im biracial), making fun of the fact that i was sexually assaulted and went through child abuse, commenting on my colleges posts). im 18 now. he just hacked an account that i had when i was 15, and would go back to sometimes when i was nostalgic. i really want to put a restraining order on this guy. im so tired of him harassing me, and ive dmd his mom to see if she could intervene but she does nothing but block me. ive contacted ig fot the hacked account, but i really want to get this shit to fucking stop. is all this enough to put a restraining order on him? im so tired of dealing with him. thank you. (i live in america btw, im in nyc and hes in miami. it was long distance)
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2020.09.03 16:59 toaster1827 Your mom is white? You’re problematic.

There is a stereotype when it comes to people who are mixed black and white that if your mom is white and your dad is black that you are problematic. I can definitely understand why people think this way because there are a lot of mixed people on the internet who like to act a fool and black men with white wives/girlfriends who don’t know how to act, but as someone with a white mother and a black father I find this stereotype hurtful.
I think that the problem lays in the fact that mixed people (in the US) are much more likely to have a white mother and a black father than the other way around. We know from stats and studies that 1) black women are less likely to marry outside of their race 2) that men of other races are less likely to seek out/date black women and 3) that black men are more desirable to other races than black women are.
Because of these conditions, it makes it much more likely that if you are mixed black/white that your father will be black and your mother will be white. If you see a mixed person acting a fool, it is much more likely (because there are more of us) that they will be that combination.
We also know from just -motions around to everything- that for groups are almost always “run” by the vocal minority.
I really do think that if it was socially acceptable for black women to date outside their race (see any social media post where a famous black woman states she dating a white man), and if men of other races were just as into black women as they were any other race, that we wouldn’t see this stereotype. As a biracial (non-ambiguous) black woman, I can vouch for the fact that the world is really cruel to us. Sometimes it is very hard to not turn that hate inward and internalize it. Not only is it hard to live life being black in a white society, but then to also be treated as lesser than by our own people because of a perceived superiority that people assume we think we have for not only being mixed, but for having a white mother is... hella exhausting.
Because of the treatment of the world, a lot of black women have self esteem issues. I really find it hard to believe that were we not put in a position to have to protect and put everyone else first, and were we given the same opportunity to date outside of our race, that we would see just as many problematic mixed kids black moms.
Edit: since some troll in the comments wants to tell me that I’m manipulating the meaning of the study I provided in a comment, here it is. . This study is NOT about hookup culture, but about INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE by ALL races. It is literally called “Trends and Patterns in Intermarriage”.
submitted by toaster1827 to mixedrace [link] [comments]


2020.09.01 23:59 carinalol why are people in a certain race generally attracted to people within that same race?

before anyone says this, i just want to say that ofc i am aware that there are tons of biracial couples and families out there and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. but I feel like I tend to see people of certain races or skin colors are usually attracted to people that are similar. even just who people tend to have a crush on I see a pattern. Like I have a friend who is asian, and she is mostly attracted to asian women, I am white and I'm mostly attracted to white guys. maybe this is just me, but why is this a trend i have seen in many people?
also another disclaimer, I'm aware that some people stick to dating people in their own race for family or religious reasons, but what I'm speaking of is just attraction on its own
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2020.09.01 14:26 tarvolon So Long and Thanks for All the Cliffs: Mini-Reviews and Rankings from my First Bingo Board

I thought bingo would be a difficult challenge, but a lockdown-induced reading binge has gotten me a full board with seven months to spare. The only question is whether that seven months will be enough time to claw back onto all these cliffs I’m hanging off right now.
Overall, I really enjoyed this bingo challenge. There are 2-3 books among my ten favorite on the board that I probably wouldn’t have picked up if not for bingo (looking at you, romance square), which feels like a big win, as does 19 of the 25 being four-star or better in my book.
Decided to organize these mini-reviews in order of my enjoyment, because rankings are always fun and liable to get rotten vegetables thrown at your head. But there are definitely books on here that I’d flip if you asked me again tomorrow, so don’t worry too much about the difference between 12 and 13 or whatever. Anyways, here goes:
1. Inda by Sherwood Smith
Categories: Optimistic (hard), Ace/Aro, Ghost, Book Club, School Setting (hard), Politics
Mini-Review: A low-magic political fantasy with plenty of intrigue and back-stabbing. Reminds me of what ASOIAF would be if the author saw the noble characters as heroes and not fools—it’s a gritty world, but there’s an underlying current of optimism. I absolutely love how Smith presents the school setting, with kids from various factions thrown together in their nation’s warrior academy, and there’s also a significant seafaring setting, for those who like that. The interplay between the characters, especially the school kids, make this my favorite book of bingo.
Rating: 5/5
Cliff Severity: About as bad as it gets. No major resolution, tragedy and peril abounding. I grabbed book two (of four) before I even finished my board.
2. The Quiet Invasion by Sarah Zettel
Categories: Exploration (hard), Big Dumb Object (hard), Politics (hard)
Mini-Review: A first contact novel with some of the best non-human perspective I’ve come across. T’sha is definitely one of my top three characters of the year. Tons of subplots, with both the humans and the aliens being so caught up in their own squabbles that the first contact seems like a sideshow. A couple pieces of window dressing feel a bit dated, but they don’t detract much from an excellent book.
Rating: 5/5
Cliff Severity: Woo stand-alone!
3. The Lost Steersman by Rosemary Kirstein
Categories: Exploration, Feminist
Mini-Review: The third book in the series feels like a big step up, with endearing new side characters and the most fascinating plot thread of the series so far, as we see more and more layers unfold. And seeing the low-tech scholar MC figure out stuff the reader already knows is as fun as ever. If you’re just starting the series, the first two probably count for BDO and hard mode politics. If you like non-standard fantasy occupations (she’s a glorified cartographer) dynamic female friendships, and trope subversion, definitely worth a read.
Rating: 5/5
Cliff Severity: The storyline from this book wraps up, but it only increases the tension in the overarching series storyline.
4. The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow
Categories: Optimistic (hard), Exploration (hard), Book Club, Book About Books (hard), Feminist, Number Title
Mini-Review: I’m not sure there’s a ton of depth to this one, but if you want a beautiful, heart-warming grown-up fairy tale, give this one a read. A coming-of-age portal fantasy pitting a biracial girl against some rich White guys who don’t want her meddling in the supernatural. You can probably see where it’s going, but it’s an excellent ride. The portal aspect works especially well. Felt a lot like a fantasy counterpart to something like Where the Crawdads Sing (although I probably liked 10k Doors a bit better), and I would absolutely use it as an intro to fantasy for someone who liked that type of book.
Rating: 5/5
The Cliff: Woo another stand-alone!
5. All Systems Red by Martha Wells
Categories: Optimistic (hard), Ace/Aro (hard), Exploration, Color Title, Made You Laugh (hard)
Mini-Review: Everybody’s favorite anti-social security robot who just wants to be left alone to watch TV but can’t help helping makes this story. The action sequences are fine, but the main character makes this short read an absolute delight.
Rating: 5/5
Cliff Severity: Main storyline resolved, but with loose threads that are picked back up in books 2-4 (I read ahead, and, while there’s a bit of a dip in the second half of book two, the series keeps getting better, and the four novellas combine for what feels like a complete story arc. I would have this higher if I were rating on series and not just the one book)
6. The Golden Key by Melanie Rawn, Jennifer Roberson, and Kate Elliott
Categories: Color Title (hard), Book About Books (hard), Politics (hard)
Mini-Review: A family of artists with magic running through their blood and their paint vie for renown in an often dark story that spans centuries. The scene-setting through art criticism is pretty cool, and there are some good characters and plenty of tension. This one’s a chonk, but if you like generational stories and fantasy where the world isn’t at stake, it’s a good one.
Rating: 5/5
Cliff Severity: This one almost feels like a trilogy in one binding, with each author writing a different time period, and there are some huge cliffhangers between sections, but ultimately, it resolves.
7. The Calculating Stars by Mary Robinette Kowal
Categories: Snow/Ice/Cold, Optimistic (hard), Exploration, Climate (hard), Epigraphs (hard), Feminist, Politics (hard)
Mini-Review: An edge-of-your-seat disaster novelette followed by a high-quality story of competence and tenacity overcoming prejudice, all in one package. If “Hidden Figures, but alt history” sounds good to you, you’ll like this one.
Rating: 5/5
Cliff Severity: I suppose this is a prequel, but it ends on a pretty satisfying stopping point. There’s clearly room for more story though.
8. Fortune’s Fool by Angela Boord
Categories: Self-Published, Politics (hard)
Mini-Review: A character-driven tale of revenge and political machinations among warring houses and gods. One of my favorites despite using some of my least favorite tropes (revenge and gods usually don’t do it for me). Compelling story that keeps you guessing until the end.
Rating: 4/5
Cliff Severity: I believe there is more planned with this universe, and this one certainly doesn’t tie up an abundance of loose ends, but it is a satisfying story arc that feels complete.
9. Beguilement by Lois McMaster Bujold
Categories: Made You Laugh (hard), Paranormal Romance
Mini-Review: Lois McMaster Bujold keeps me greedily turning pages like no one else can. I’m not usually a romance reader, and I’m not sure I can fairly judge the quality of the romance (you need to be okay with a member of a long-lived fantasy race getting together with an 18-year-old though), but her characters come alive on the page, and she sucks you in with everything she writes. The more fantasy aspects are very frontloaded (though there are more as the series progresses), with most of the book being romancing and meeting the parents. Which is fantastic, because Bujold is an expert at writing awkward family dinners. I don’t even like that trope, and I love it when she does it.
Rating: 4/5
Cliff Severity: It’s a romance novel, so it has to have a happy ending, them’s the rules. That said, by the end of book one, they haven’t even met both sets of parents, so there’s a lot of story left to tell. I had an omnibus edition and immediately devoured book two, which is even better.
10. Redemption in Indigo by Karen Lord
Categories: Optimistic (hard), Color Title (hard), Made You Laugh (hard)
Mini-Review: A delightful retelling of a West African folktale with an oral storytelling frame—this one is just begging to be read aloud. There’s nothing to really blow you away (unless you love folktales, then maybe there is), but if you want a spot of warmth in a difficult year, this is well worth your while. A non-Western setting, an endearing MC, and a whole lot of laughs.
Rating: 4/5
Cliff Severity: Stand-alone!
11. Sunshine by Robin McKinley
Categories: ??? Audiobook
Mini-Review: A first-person narrative with plenty of digressions and side-trails that does an excellent job of getting you into the character’s head. It’s not quite so perfect for audio as the last one, but it really feels like a story being told aloud. Also it’s probably the best I’ve come across in my relatively limited experience with urban fantasy. Perhaps it helps that the main character is a baker rather than a magic cop.
Rating: 4/5
Cliff Severity: Two stand-alone in a row, what is the world coming to?
12. To Ride Hell’s Chasm by Janny Wurts
Categories: Optimistic (hard), Book Club, Politics
Mini-Review: In the first couple chapters, a princess disappears and a couple bodies drop, and it really doesn’t slow down from there. A distrusted hero trying to identify the baddies and rescue the princess while keeping clear of the locals who think he’s to blame, stakes that get more epic as the story progresses, and fantasy’s longest chase scene come together in a story that just doesn’t let up. The prose is more flowery than you’d expect from an action novel, but the story races ahead anyway. Gives me Chalion vibes, but more action.
Rating: 4/5
Cliff Severity: Stand-alone.
13. Song of the Beast by Carol Berg
Categories: Cold/Snow/Ice, Optimistic (hard), Politics
Mini-Review: Carol Berg puts her characters through hell and asks their broken remnants to save the world, pretty much. A world-renowned musician is thrown into prison by the dragon-riders guild. When he’s released, he has to figure out what they wanted with him, and what he’s going to do about it. Quicker-paced than Berg’s standard, but her typical great characters and many-layered plots are in evidence. There’s one POV character (not the MC) that didn’t really work for me, but other than that, this is excellent.
Rating: 4/5
Cliff-Severity: The unprecedented run on stand-alones continues.
14. Assassin’s Apprentice by Robin Hobb
Categories: Snow/Ice/Cold, Book Club, Epigraphs (hard), Politics
Mini-Review: A slow-building story that follows the main character from childhood. It’s interesting, but there’s not really an over-arching plot. There are moments of plot-related action and a lot of character development. Overall, I enjoyed it, but I’m also not moving the sequel to the top of the TBR (it’s still on it though).
Rating: 4/5
Cliff Severity: We get a climax with some resolution, but there’s a big bad lurking out there that doesn’t get addressed much at all. This definitely feels like an extended prologue to a series that I’ve heard is fantastic.
15. Circe by Madeline Miller
Categories: Book Club, Feminist, Politics
Mini-Review: A character study of a goddess who shows up as a side character in some of the mythology that everyone’s heard about. It’s well-done, it really hammers home how awful the gods are, and I enjoyed the whole thing. That said, while I lean more towards character-driven stories, I tend to like a little bit more plot to pair with it, as opposed to a straight character study. This one is the latter. If that’s your thing, read this one.
Rating: 4/5
Cliff Severity: Stand-alone
16. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo
Categories: Snow/Ice/Cold, Number Title
Mini-Review: Everybody’s favorite YA heist novel with characters who definitely act several years older than they are. For the first half of the book, I was wondering what all the hype was for—it was a competently-told story but wasn’t really great at anything—but the second half improved immensely, with flashbacks fleshing out the characters and the action cranking up during the heist. I wasn’t awed by this, but I definitely enjoyed it, and if I hadn’t read it so early in bingo (and if the library hadn’t been locked down), I would’ve jumped straight into the sequel.
Rating: 4/5
Cliff Severity: The heist ends, but the interpersonal storylines are only half-finished, and this one has a doozy of a cliff. This is no stand-alone with a loose sequel, it’s a true duology, and from everything I’ve heard, it’s much better taken as a whole.
17. The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August by Claire North
Categories: Number Title
Mini-Review: A creative time-travel story about a man who just repeats his life over and over. The first-person narration skips around a lot, really setting up the character and evoking the feel of oral storytelling while dovetailing splendidly with the temporal conceit. It’s a good book, but whether it’s good or great for you will probably depend on how attached you get to the main character, and perhaps how much you can suspend disbelief on some of the paradoxical time-travel stuff. For me, good-but-not-great.
Rating: 4/5
Cliff Severity: Yes, there have been a lot of stand-alones in the teens, but still, there are lots of cliffs on this board. Just not in this book.
18. Shadow of the Moon by Fuyumi Ono
Categories: Translated (hard)
Mini-Review: A Japanese YA portal fantasy drops so many hints that it’s going to be an epic fantasy, but then it turns out to just be a teen girl trying to survive a new world in a very episodic narrative with new perils each chapter. It avoids a lot of frustrating YA and portal fantasy tropes, which I appreciate, and while I’d probably like more of a driving plot, I cared enough about the main character by the end that I want to pick up the next one.
Rating: 4/5
Cliff Severity: Main storyline resolves, but there are more books in this world, and the resolution sets the stage for intriguing open-ended future adventures with a bit more cohesion.
19. Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia
Categories: 2020 Publication, Big Dumb Object, Feminist
Mini-Review: An atmospheric horror story set in a Gothic-style mansion in Mexico (sometimes, titles are honest). I felt like the story did a great job with the creep factor (and really leaned into some of the more squicky aspects of horror), but I listened to the audiobook, and the narrator’s measured delivery really kept pulling me out of the story. I increased the speed toward the end, and that helped, but I think I’d have liked this more in a paper copy.
Rating: 4/5
Cliff Severity: Stand-alone
20. The Wolf of Oren-Yaro by K.S. Villoso
Categories: Canadian Author, Politics
Mini-Review: A very personal Asian-inspired fantasy with a queen on a diplomatic journey who gets separated from her retinue and has to navigate through a land where she can trust no one. There is some quality character work and some mysterious interpersonal drama that made me want to like this one more than I did, but I got whiplash from the shifts back and forth between “everyone is scared I’ll behead them and won’t speak their mind” and “everyone disrespects me and snarks at me constantly,” and there were some plot points where the main character’s naïveté was just painful. I know this one is really popular on this sub, and it did some good things, but it was too inconsistent for me.
Rating: 3/5
Cliff Severity: I guess we’ve resolved the subplot that takes most of book one, but the big questions we started with are still very much unresolved.
21. Cast in Shadow by Michelle Sagara
Categories: Optimistic (hard), Canadian Author
Mini-Review: An urban fantasy with a pretty strong setup (strange ritualistic murders that appear to be connected to our heroine magic cop!), but it’s just not able to keep the momentum, and it uses the “I refuse to hear your explanation for this apparently horrible thing you did, so I will hate you regardless of how much time I’m forced to spend with you” trope to try to string out the tension. I hate that trope. Ends up being a fairly unremarkable urban fantasy. Wasn’t mad about reading it, wouldn’t go on. I’ve heard this author’s epic fantasy might be more up my alley, but I tried this one because it was at the library and the epic wasn’t. I’ll be sure to give that one a go.
Rating: 3/5
Cliff Severity: Storyline resolved, room for open-ended future procedural adventures.
22. A Chameleon, a Boy, and a Quest by J.A. Myhre
Categories: Optimistic (hard), Magical Pet (hard)
Mini-Review: A Christian middle-grade novel set in Southeast Africa, and it...isn’t C.S. Lewis. The story was fine, the religious theme wasn’t too heavy-handed. If I’d read it as a kid, I’d probably have really liked it and then soon forgotten about it. As an adult, it wasn’t bad but wasn’t really gripping either. I did appreciate the non-Western setting, and that the few white characters, while generally helpful and trustworthy, weren’t the saviors.
Rating: 3/5
Cliff Severity: The storyline resolves, although there are others set in the same world.
23. Servant of the Underworld by Aliette de Bodard
Categories: Featuring Necromancy (hard), Politics
Mini-Review: A procedural murder mystery in an Aztec setting. The characters and plot were fine but not memorable, and there was way too much divine involvement for my tastes. I’m not mad I read it, but I’m not going to go on in this world.
Rating: 3/5
Cliff Severity: Major storyline resolves, although there is another book in this universe
24. Fortress in the Eye of Time by C.J. Cherryh
Categories: Optimistic (hard), Ghost (hard), Book About Books (hard), Politics
Mini-Review: This is an enormous novel with a totally naive main character (like, he has to be taught not to fall down the stairs) thrown into the middle of some intricate kingdom politics. It’s a very slow-build, and if you like slow-build, optimistic, political fantasy, you may really like this one. But I like all those things as well, and I was mostly just confused. I was able to enjoy it on a more episodic level, but it was hard to see the pieces cohere.
Rating: 3/5
Cliff Severity: Major storyline resolves, but it just sets the stage for what I expect is lots more story.
25. 2020 Hugo Nominated Short Stories by various authors
Categories: Five Short Stories
Mini-Review: This year’s batch of Hugo nominees was almost perfectly designed for me to hate. I like stories that make a powerful point, and I understand that they may be disproportionately represented among award finalists. But I loathe stories that are trying so hard to make a point that they don’t do anything to get you invested in the actual story. At least two of the stories struck me that way, five of the six were unrelentingly dark, and the one that wasn’t didn’t grab me. “And Now His Lordship Is Laughing” did pack a punch, and “As the Last I May Know” (the eventual winner) had a ton of heart and made me care a lot about the dark subject matter. But this was far and away my least favorite square.
Rating: 2/5
Cliff Severity: The nice thing about short stories is they usually don’t have much in the way of cliffhangers.
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2020.08.31 22:35 A_Rats_Dick An Extreme Example of Far Leftist Thinking

Link to article:
https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/yes-all-white-people-are-racist-eefa97cc5605
If you need a membership to view, here is a portion of the article:
“First, learn what racism is, and what it’s not. I need White people to understand that all White people are racist. Admit it, and let’s move onto the business of repairing and healing the country. We can’t do it without you. Yes my dears, all White people are racists. All. Of. Them. Here is where you stop to cry, clutch your pearls, rant and rave aloud to tell me how wrong I am, and to tell me not all White people. I’m doing reverse racism (there’s no such thing as reverse racism), and you’re ready to do tit for tat with me and every Black person on the internet (because you’re too afraid to say this nonsense in person) on how terrible Black people are. I have [fill in the blank White person savior activity here], so I know I’m not racist. I don’t say the N-word; I go to church with Black people, and I even go to lunch with the Black lady/guy from my job. I have a biracial child. I date Black women/men. My husband/wife is Black. I work in an all Black [fill in the blank setting]. I am not racist. I’m liberal. I voted for Hillary. I use #BlackLivesMatter hashtags. I have a Black friend (that I never talk to about race). I know. I’ve heard it all already, honey. I know. You are a product of your racist American environment. You are racist love, but it’s okay to admit it. I’m ready for you to admit it so that we can move on to bigger things. You denying the obvious stalls the long road to healing. Take a moment to sit with this new/old revelation. Your racism is a product of nurturing and nature. Own it. You can’t help you were born to racist parents, who were raised in a White Supremacist system. You can help with tearing down the racist systems and structures that support you and kill me and my sons based on flawed science crafted by flawed White and European people. White people admitting they are racist is necessary for those individuals desiring to do something right now. If you can’t do that, I can’t rock with you. I can’t walk with you. I can’t talk with you. I can’t help you. And I damned sure can’t trust you. Racism got us into this mess. Anti-racism is the only thing that will get us out of it. It’s been 400-years. Y’all can’t keep running from yourselves. All White people are racist and the fact that you need a special out like a “Not All White People” label is disheartening because it says to me you are racist, but you’re in denial about it. To me this kind of white person is most dangerous kind of White people I know and I just don’t have time to play games with you all anymore. They are so busy dodging responsibility they can’t see the obvious racism in needing an exception to the rule. There are no exceptions to racism and White people. You’re born into that gang. Now is the time to show that Black lives matter. It’s time to show us any lives matter besides a White one. Either you’re for Black people or against. It’s just that simple. Being caught up in what I call you by your rightful name instead of being aware of the reasons I called you, your name is between you and your maker. I’m trying to help White people help us by showing them how White Supremacy and racism works when you’re not White. So don’t talk, just listen. You can talk at the end of this. I need you White and White passing people to understand that a White person or non-Black person of color unwilling to admit their inherent anti-Blackness is not an ally, but an enemy. You cannot fix what is broken unless you admit to yourselves you’ve been raised and taught by racist parents, who raised you in racist systems and white spaces to give you the best chance of making it in a White world because they knew how bad it was being Black. Period. I don’t care where you are in the world, everyone knows they don’t want to be Black because White people have taught the world Black people are bad despite them needing us to survive. White people couldn’t even go to the moon without a Black woman. We have proven time and time again our worth, and White people have dismissed us and let us down because they are racist, having been taught that Black people were inferior. But no more. White folks cannot and will not stop being a part of systems that were set up to make life easy and better for them and hard and bad for Black people. If you don’t admit that all White people are racist, this will never change. Just read our first Constitution. If America and White men weren’t racist, they would’ve never stipulated we Black folks were property and not people. The Constitution stipulated White men had rights and that Black men had none. Own it. Own that White people have spent the last 400-years maintaining the status quo by doing the same things their ancestors did to maintain getting the same results the ancestors did. All White people are racists and/or act racistly to maintain their White interests. We all know you do it because we see how you live, work, play, vote, and engage on social media. You’re not fooling anyone but yourselves for denying this. All White people are racist because racism starts at home. And even if you’re not raised racist, America’s systems make you choose sides. It’s always easier and more comfortable siding with racist. Own it. Racism starts at home. Racism helps grooms the person you grow up to become. This means these White people must realize their parents and grandparents are likely racist. This is the reason I believe most White people and POC can’t help that they are racist. They were born to become racist and taught to be racist. Being racist to me is like a generational curse. It’s like being born with an addiction gene or some other genetic defect that alters your entire life until you learn to live with it and control it. Racism is also like an addiction. It makes you addicted to power, money, social status, and a system that favors you. It’s like having a lifetime platinum membership to the all White country club. The drinks are cold, the seats are comfortable; the food is wonderful, and the help is Black and Brown except the White girl at the door who greets you. Racism improves your White life. But know since the day you were born that your Whiteness comes at the expense of my Blackness, because that’s how the system is set up. Own it so that we can move forward...”
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