Red Hot dating

Here’s 25 reasons these men make for red hot fun! 1. Ginger Beards. This one is simple. Ginger guys have super-hot beards that actually match the hair on their head. What’s more, they’re great for whisker burns! 2. They’re Red Hot in Bed. Talk to your friends. Find out their experiences with red headed guys in bed. Red Hot Dateline is the ultimate in real hot chat. Try a free chat line trial and start talking naughty today. RedHot Dateline is the #1 destination for adventurous people to find the wild uncensored chat they are looking for. People let loose and expose their deepest fantasies, and when two like-minded people connect, the sparks fly! Red Hot Dateline is the ultimate in real hot chat. Try a free chat line trial and start talking naughty today. One red flag may show up before a first date even happens — an ability (or lack thereof) to actually commit to a day and time to meet. This is especially vital to think about when it comes to online dating , which often makes it necessary to message back and forth with a match to figure out if you even want to go on a date with them. We of the RHCP family would like to wish Jack Sherman smooth sailing into the worlds beyond, for he has passed. Jack played on our debut album as well as our first tour of the USA. Red Hot Dating App Tinder Officially Arrives On Android, Begins Hooking Up With Big Media. Rip Empson @ripemp / 7 years The Digital Dating World has seen its fair share of companies come and go ... Red Hot Dating Already a member? Sign Up. We are Red Hot Dating! Find the right partner. Sign up now and start chatting to people in the UK. Username Email Address. How does it work? Follow these easy steps to get started. Step 1. Create your profile for free. Step 2. Find compatible partners. Our love is RED HOT! This is quite the quick and easy project, let me tell ya! All you have to do is head to the store and pick out some RED HOT items that you know your spouse will LOVE! Then, print the RED HOT tag and there you have it…you’re done! (P.S. I found the red box and all the goodies at a grocery store!) Something Fabulous… Red Hot + Bothered (also known as The Indie Rock Guide Book to Dating) is an anthology of the indie rock scene from the 1990s. The recording appeared as a pair of limited edition 10″ EP recordings bundled with limited edition fanzines, spoofing dating guides to promote safer sex, with original art and articles by a number of underground music and visual artists.

GYOCouplesPics is now GYO Pics, GYO is Pictures of Old & Young Men Together

2018.08.24 15:48 headShrinker GYOCouplesPics is now GYO Pics, GYO is Pictures of Old & Young Men Together

GYOCouplesPics is Now GYOPics Please go to /GYOPics
[link]


2013.10.14 00:27 DrLamLam Narcissistic Abuse

This is a place for targets of a narcissist’s abuse to come together to support, encourage, learn from, share with, and validate one another. It is NOT a replacement for therapy or counseling. We support abusive relationships from romantic, work, roommates and friends.No family dynamics or posts about family members or posts about other people being abused please. They are not permitted.
[link]


2020.09.28 23:07 dinkomaricic [H] Vampyr, Blackwake, RE0HD, Plague Inc Evolved, Golf With Your Friends, Iconoclasts, SOMA, The Long Dark, Dirt Rally 2.0, Gang Beasts, ETS2, Tower Unite, Forts, Generation Zero, Shadow Warrior 2, Forager, One Piece Burning Blood, ZAT & 100's more [W] Wishlist, Paypal(EU)

Read the disclaimer here before we agree on ANY trades

Due to recent issues regarding humblebundle suspending accounts I will provide keys ONLY-no gift links.You can read more in this announcement.

My SGS Rep 85 trades
My IGS Rep 39 trades

I'm from EU,so KEYS SHOULD work pretty much anywhere

NOT BUYING GAMES,ONLY TRADES-games for games or selling for paypal
No interest in ANY RL,CSGO,TF2 or any other keys
BUYER covers the FEES(if outside EU,EU F&F only)

My Wishlist or offer something(game or paypal)

List of games I have:
10 Second Ninja X
11-11 Memories Retold
60 Seconds! NEW 6.5€
911 Operator(X2)
Aarklash Legacy
A Case Of Distrust
A Good Snowman Is Hard To Build
A Year Of Rain NEW
Act of Aggression Reboot Edition NEW
Age Of Wonders III NEW
Agent A A Puzzle In Disguise
Agents Of Mayhem(X2) NEW 2.5€
AI War 2
Alien Spidy
All You Can Eat
Almost There The Platformer
American Fugitive(X2) NEW 1.5€
Ancestors Legacy NEW
Anomaly Defenders
Anomaly Korea
Anomaly Warzone Earth
Anomaly 2
Archamon
Armello(X2) NEW
Asura Vengeance
Atari Vault
Attack Of The Earthlings
Automachef
Avernum 3 Ruined World
Azkend 2 The World Beneath
Band Of Defenders
Baseball Riot
Basingstoke NEW
Bastion
Batman The Enemy Within NEW 2.5€
Battalion 1944 NEW 4€
Battlestar Galactic Deadlock Season One NEW
Battle Chasers Nightwar
Beat Hazard 2 NEW
Beholder 2
Bird Of Light
Black Paradox
Blackwake(X2) NEW 3.5€
Bohemian Killing
Book Of Demons NEW
Borderlands GOTY Enhanced NEW 5€
Borderlands The Handsome Collection NEW
Boundless NEW
Broforce NEW 2.5€
Broken Age(X2)
Brothers A Tale Of Two Sons
Brutal Legend(X2)
Call Of Cthulhu NEW 2.5€
Carnival Games VR
Carrier Command Gaea Mission
Castaway Paradise Town Building Sim
Catherine Classic NEW 2.5€
Caveblazers
Cities In Motion
Cities In Motion 2(X2) + European Cities
Clouds & Sheep 2
Coffin Dodgers
Company Of Heroes Complete NEW 4€
Concrete Jungle
Crawl(X2) NEW 3€
Crimsonland
Crouching Pony Hidden Dragon
Darkest Dungeon Shieldbreaker DLC
Dark Future Blood Red States
Day Of Infamy
Day Of The Tentacle Remastered NEW 1.5€
Dead Age
Death Squared
Deadbeat Heroes(X2)
Deep Dungeons Of Doom
Deep Sky Derelicts
Deployment
Desert Child
Dex NEW
Diaries Of A Spaceport Janitor
Dimension Drifter
DiRT 4 NEW 2€
Dirt Rally
Dirt Rally 2.0 + 3 DLC NEW 5€
Distance
Distrust
Downwell
Driftland The Magic Revival
DUCATI 90th Anniversary
Dungeon Rats
Dungeons 2
Dustforce DX
Eador Imperium(X2)
Earthlock NEW
Eastside Hockey Manager NEW
Eliza
Enslaved Odyssey To The West Premium Edition
Equilinox
Escape Goat 2 NEW
E.T. Armies Deluxe Edition
Etherborn
Europa Universalis IV NEW 2€
Euro Truck Simulator 2 NEW 5€
Evergarden
Event[0] NEW 5€
Evoland Legendary Edition NEW
Extinction
F1 2018(X2) NEW 1.5€
F1 2019 NEW 3.5€
Fantasy Versus
FarSky
Fear Effect Sedna
Feather
Felix The Reaper NEW
Figment(X2)
Fire Ungh's Quest NEW
Forager NEW 3.5€
Forts NEW 6.5€
Fluffy Horde
Framed Collection
Full Throttle Remastered NEW 1.5€
Fun With Ragdolls The Game NEW
Gang Beasts NEW 9.5€
Garage Bad Trip 1.5€
Gas Guzzlers Extreme
Gato Roboto
Gauge
Generation Zero NEW 4€
Get Even
Giana Sisters Twisted Dreams+DLC
GIBZ
GNOG
God's Trigger(X2)
Goetia(X2)
Golf With Your Friends NEW 5.5€
GoNNER BLüEBERRY EDiTION(X2)
Grand Ages Medieval
Grand Pigeon's Duty
Graveyard Keeper NEW 2.5€
Gremlins Inc.
Grey Goo Definitive Edition
Grid Autosport NEW
Grid Ultimate Edition(X2) NEW 3€
Grim Fandango Remastered NEW 1.5€
Grip Combat Racing NEW
Guards Of The Gate
Gunman Tales
Guilty Gear Isuka
Guns Gore & Cannoli
Guns Gore & Canolli 2 NEW
Hacknet(X2) + Labyrinths DLC
Hammerfight
Headlander NEW
Hello Neighbor NEW 1.5€
Hello Neighbor Hide & Seek NEW 1.5€
Hero Defense
Hero Of The Kingdom III
Heroes Of The Monkey Tavern
Hive Jump(X2)
Hiveswap Act 1(X2)
Horace NEW
Hotline Miami(X3) 1.5€
Hotline Miami 2 NEW 2.5€
Hotline Miami 2 Digital Special Edition NEW 3€
Hot Tin Roof The Cat That Wore A Fedora
Hover
I Am Not A Monster
Iconoclasts NEW 5€
Immortal Planet(X2)
Immortal Redneck
Impact Winter
Infinite Air With Mark McMorris(delisted) 4€
In Between
Interplanetary Enhanced Edition
Jet Set Knights
Juanito Arcade Mayhem
Jump Stars
Kathy Rain NEW
Kill To Collect
Killing Floor 1
Kingdom Classic
King Oddball
Last Tide NEW 3€
Legacy Of Dorn Herald Of Oblivion NEW
Lifeless Planet Premium Edition
Little Big Workshop 1.5€
Love Is Dead
MagiCat
Magrunner Dark Pulse
Mainlining
Masquerada Songs And Shadows
Masquerade The Baubles Of Doom
Massive Chalice NEW
Medieval Kingdom Wars
Men Of War Assault Squad 2 War Chest Edition NEW 2.5€
Metal Unit NEW
Minion Masters Premium NEW
Molek Syntez
Monochroma
MotoGP 15
Mr. Shifty
MXGP Official Motocross Videogame
My Friend Pedro NEW 3€
My Memory Of Us
N++ NEW 4.5€
Nairi Tower Of Shirin
NecroVisioN Lost Company
Neon Chrome
NeuroVoider
Nevermind
Next Hero
Niche(X2)
Night Call NEW
Ninjin Clash Of Carrots
Neoverse NEW
Octahedron
Of Orcs And Men NEW
Old School Musical
Omen Exitio Plague
On Rusty Trails
One Finger Death Punch 2
One Piece Burning Blood NEW 5€
Onikira Demon Killer
Operation Flashpoint Dragon Rising
OPUS The Day We Found Earth
Orbital Racer
Oriental Empires(X2)
Original War(X2)
Outcast Second Contact
Overload NEW
Overlord II
Override Mech City Brawl(X2)
Oxenfree NEW
Pac Man 256
Paper Fire Rookie
Paradigm
Passpartout The Starving Artist NEW 4€
Payday 2 NEW 2€
Penarium
Pikuniku
Pinstripe
Plague Inc Evolved NEW 7€
Poöf
Pound Of Ground(X2)
Primal Carnage Extinction
Psychonauts NEW
Psychonauts In The Rhombus Of Ruin NEW
Puddle
Pumped BMX+
Punch Club
Purrfect Date(X2)
Puss
Quest Of Dungeons
Rad(X2) NEW 1.5€
Rad Rodgers Radical Edition
Radio Commander NEW
Raiden V Director's Cut
Railway Empire (EU locked) NEW 3.5€
Rain World NEW 2€
Rebel Galaxy
Redeemer Enhanced Edition NEW
Re-Legion
Remnants Of Naezith NEW
Replay VHS Is Not Dead
Republique NEW
Resident Evil 0 HD Remaster NEW 3.5€
Resident Evil Revelations 2 Complete NEW 4.5€
Rise Of Insanity
River City Ransom Underground
Road Redemption(X2)
Rogue Stormers
Rusty Lake Paradise
Sakura Angels
Samorost 3
Satellite Reign
Serious Sam 3 BFE(X2) NEW 4€
Shadow Warrior 2 NEW 8€
Shadows Awakening NEW
Shadwen
She Remembered Caterpillars
Sherlock Holmes The Devil's Daughter NEW 2.5€
Shock Troopers
Shuyan Saga
SimCity 4 Deluxe Edition
Sky Break
Slipstream(X2)
Smoke And Sacrifice
Snake Pass
Sniper Elite V2 2.5€
Soma NEW 10€
Songbringer
Sonic CD
Sonic Mania NEW 3€
Sonic The Hedgehog 4 Episode 1 & 2
Space Hulk Ascension
Sparkle 2
Sparkle Unleashed
Spec Ops The Line
Speed Brawl
Spelunky NEW 2€
Stacking NEW
Star Trek(delisted) NEW 22€
Stasis
State Of Mind(X2)
Stealth Bastard Deluxe
Stealth Inc 2 A Game Of Clones(X2)
Steel Rats
Stick Fight The Game(X2) NEW 3.5€
Strider
Stygian Reign Of The Old Ones NEW
Styx Master Of Shadows NEW
Super Inefficient Golf
Super Panda Adventures
Surviving Mars
Sword Legacy Omen(X2)
Swords And Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon
Syberia II
Symmetry
Syndrome
Synthetik Legion Rising 5.5€
Take On Helicopters
Take On Mars
Tales From Candlekeep Tomb Of Annihilation(X2)
Tennis In The Face
Tennis World Tour NEW 3€
Tharsis(X2)
The Adventure Pals
The Bard's Tale IV Director's Cut NEW
The Coma 2 Vicious Sisters
The Darkness II
The Final Station
The Free Ones
The Gate Of Firmament
The Haunted Island
The Invisible Hours
The Journey Down Chapter Three
The King's Bird(X2) NEW
The King Of Fighters XIII Steam Edition
The Last Blade
The Last Leviathan
The Long Dark NEW 7€
The Messenger NEW
The Mims Beginning
The Night Of The Rabbit NEW
The Occupation NEW
The Rivers of Alice Extended Version
The Spatials
The Spiral Scouts
The Stanley Parable NEW 8€
The Stillness Of The Wind NEW
The Testament Of Sherlock Holmes NEW 2€
The Town Of Light(X2)
The Turing Test 2€
The Uncertain The Last Quiet Day
The Walking Dead + 400 Days NEW 2€
The Walking Vegetables
Them's Fightin' Herds(X2) 2.5€
Think Of The Children
This Is The Police 2
This War Of Mine(X2) NEW
Throne Of Lies Online Game Of Deceit
Through The Darkest Of Times
Tilt Brush NEW
Timeshift 3€
Time Recoil
Titan Quest + Ragnarok NEW 5.5€
Tooth And Tail 2€
Torchlight(X2)
Torchlight II(X3) NEW 2€
Tower Unite NEW 8€
Toybox Turbos
Tracks The Train Set Game
Train Valley 2 NEW
Treasure Hunter Simulator
Tropico 4
Truberbrook
True Fear Forsaken Souls
Tyranny NEW 3.5€
Unbox Newbie's Adventure
Unexplored(X2)
Unloved NEW
Vampire The Masquerade Coteries Of New York NEW
Vampyr NEW 5€
Velocibox
Verlet Swing NEW
Vikings Wolves Of Midgard NEW
V Rally 4 NEW
VVVVVV
Warhammer 40K Dawn Of War GOTY NEW
Warhammer 40K Kill Team NEW
Warhammer End Times Vermintide NEW
Wargroove NEW 2€
Warlock Master Of The Arcane
Warsaw NEW
Warstone TD
We Are The Dwarves
We.The Revolution NEW
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong(X2)
White Night
White Noise 2
Wings Of Vi(X2)
Wooden Sen'SeY
World's Dawn
World Of Goo
Worms Revolution
WRC 7 World Rally Championship
Wurm Unlimited
Xenoraid The First Space War
Yet Another Zombie Defense HD
Ylands Exploration Pack
Yooka-Laylee And The Impossible Lair 2€ NEW
Yuppie Psycho NEW
Zombie Army Trilogy NEW 7.5€
Zombie Kill Of The Week Reborn
Zombotron

Programs:
Music Maker EDM Edition+10$ voucher

Some of the games from my wishlist:
Dusk
Ion Fury
Wildfire
Roboquest
Fury Unleashed
Curse Of The Dead Gods
Heist
Children Of Morta
Nightmare Reaper
Amid Evil
...and about 100 more games

I'm from EU,so KEYS SHOULD work pretty much anywhere
My Wishlist or offer something(game or paypal)
DONT TRY TO ADD ME ON STEAM OR SEND A PM BEFORE YOU POST IN THIS TOPIC-WILL NOT ANSWER YOU
submitted by dinkomaricic to indiegameswap [link] [comments]


2020.09.28 23:05 dinkomaricic [H] Vampyr, Blackwake, RE0HD, Plague Inc Evolved, Golf With Your Friends, Iconoclasts, SOMA, The Long Dark, Dirt Rally 2.0, Gang Beasts, ETS2, Tower Unite, Forts, Generation Zero, Shadow Warrior 2, Forager, One Piece Burning Blood, ZAT & 100's more [W] Wishlist, Paypal(EU)

Read the disclaimer here before we agree on ANY trades

Due to recent issues regarding humblebundle suspending accounts I will provide keys ONLY-no gift links.You can read more in this announcement.

My SGS Rep 85 trades
My IGS Rep 39 trades

I'm from EU,so KEYS SHOULD work pretty much anywhere

NOT BUYING GAMES,ONLY TRADES-games for games or selling for paypal
No interest in ANY RL,CSGO,TF2 or any other keys
BUYER covers the FEES(if outside EU,EU F&F only)

My Wishlist or offer something(game or paypal)

List of games I have:
10 Second Ninja X
11-11 Memories Retold
60 Seconds! NEW 6.5€
911 Operator(X2)
Aarklash Legacy
A Case Of Distrust
A Good Snowman Is Hard To Build
A Year Of Rain NEW
Act of Aggression Reboot Edition NEW
Age Of Wonders III NEW
Agent A A Puzzle In Disguise
Agents Of Mayhem(X2) NEW 2.5€
AI War 2
Alien Spidy
All You Can Eat
Almost There The Platformer
American Fugitive(X2) NEW 1.5€
Ancestors Legacy NEW
Anomaly Defenders
Anomaly Korea
Anomaly Warzone Earth
Anomaly 2
Archamon
Armello(X2) NEW
Asura Vengeance
Atari Vault
Attack Of The Earthlings
Automachef
Avernum 3 Ruined World
Azkend 2 The World Beneath
Band Of Defenders
Baseball Riot
Basingstoke NEW
Bastion
Batman The Enemy Within NEW 2.5€
Battalion 1944 NEW 4€
Battlestar Galactic Deadlock Season One NEW
Battle Chasers Nightwar
Beat Hazard 2 NEW
Beholder 2
Bird Of Light
Black Paradox
Blackwake(X2) NEW 3.5€
Bohemian Killing
Book Of Demons NEW
Borderlands GOTY Enhanced NEW 5€
Borderlands The Handsome Collection NEW
Boundless NEW
Broforce NEW 2.5€
Broken Age(X2)
Brothers A Tale Of Two Sons
Brutal Legend(X2)
Call Of Cthulhu NEW 2.5€
Carnival Games VR
Carrier Command Gaea Mission
Castaway Paradise Town Building Sim
Catherine Classic NEW 2.5€
Caveblazers
Cities In Motion
Cities In Motion 2(X2) + European Cities
Clouds & Sheep 2
Coffin Dodgers
Company Of Heroes Complete NEW 4€
Concrete Jungle
Crawl(X2) NEW 3€
Crimsonland
Crouching Pony Hidden Dragon
Darkest Dungeon Shieldbreaker DLC
Dark Future Blood Red States
Day Of Infamy
Day Of The Tentacle Remastered NEW 1.5€
Dead Age
Death Squared
Deadbeat Heroes(X2)
Deep Dungeons Of Doom
Deep Sky Derelicts
Deployment
Desert Child
Dex NEW
Diaries Of A Spaceport Janitor
Dimension Drifter
DiRT 4 NEW 2€
Dirt Rally
Dirt Rally 2.0 + 3 DLC NEW 5€
Distance
Distrust
Downwell
Driftland The Magic Revival
DUCATI 90th Anniversary
Dungeon Rats
Dungeons 2
Dustforce DX
Eador Imperium(X2)
Earthlock NEW
Eastside Hockey Manager NEW
Eliza
Enslaved Odyssey To The West Premium Edition
Equilinox
Escape Goat 2 NEW
E.T. Armies Deluxe Edition
Etherborn
Europa Universalis IV NEW 2€
Euro Truck Simulator 2 NEW 5€
Evergarden
Event[0] NEW 5€
Evoland Legendary Edition NEW
Extinction
F1 2018(X2) NEW 1.5€
F1 2019 NEW 3.5€
Fantasy Versus
FarSky
Fear Effect Sedna
Feather
Felix The Reaper NEW
Figment(X2)
Fire Ungh's Quest NEW
Forager NEW 3.5€
Forts NEW 6.5€
Fluffy Horde
Framed Collection
Full Throttle Remastered NEW 1.5€
Fun With Ragdolls The Game NEW
Gang Beasts NEW 9.5€
Garage Bad Trip 1.5€
Gas Guzzlers Extreme
Gato Roboto
Gauge
Generation Zero NEW 4€
Get Even
Giana Sisters Twisted Dreams+DLC
GIBZ
GNOG
God's Trigger(X2)
Goetia(X2)
Golf With Your Friends NEW 5.5€
GoNNER BLüEBERRY EDiTION(X2)
Grand Ages Medieval
Grand Pigeon's Duty
Graveyard Keeper NEW 2.5€
Gremlins Inc.
Grey Goo Definitive Edition
Grid Autosport NEW
Grid Ultimate Edition(X2) NEW 3€
Grim Fandango Remastered NEW 1.5€
Grip Combat Racing NEW
Guards Of The Gate
Gunman Tales
Guilty Gear Isuka
Guns Gore & Cannoli
Guns Gore & Canolli 2 NEW
Hacknet(X2) + Labyrinths DLC
Hammerfight
Headlander NEW
Hello Neighbor NEW 1.5€
Hello Neighbor Hide & Seek NEW 1.5€
Hero Defense
Hero Of The Kingdom III
Heroes Of The Monkey Tavern
Hive Jump(X2)
Hiveswap Act 1(X2)
Horace NEW
Hotline Miami(X3) 1.5€
Hotline Miami 2 NEW 2.5€
Hotline Miami 2 Digital Special Edition NEW 3€
Hot Tin Roof The Cat That Wore A Fedora
Hover
I Am Not A Monster
Iconoclasts NEW 5€
Immortal Planet(X2)
Immortal Redneck
Impact Winter
Infinite Air With Mark McMorris(delisted) 4€
In Between
Interplanetary Enhanced Edition
Jet Set Knights
Juanito Arcade Mayhem
Jump Stars
Kathy Rain NEW
Kill To Collect
Killing Floor 1
Kingdom Classic
King Oddball
Last Tide NEW 3€
Legacy Of Dorn Herald Of Oblivion NEW
Lifeless Planet Premium Edition
Little Big Workshop 1.5€
Love Is Dead
MagiCat
Magrunner Dark Pulse
Mainlining
Masquerada Songs And Shadows
Masquerade The Baubles Of Doom
Massive Chalice NEW
Medieval Kingdom Wars
Men Of War Assault Squad 2 War Chest Edition NEW 2.5€
Metal Unit NEW
Minion Masters Premium NEW
Molek Syntez
Monochroma
MotoGP 15
Mr. Shifty
MXGP Official Motocross Videogame
My Friend Pedro NEW 3€
My Memory Of Us
N++ NEW 4.5€
Nairi Tower Of Shirin
NecroVisioN Lost Company
Neon Chrome
NeuroVoider
Nevermind
Next Hero
Niche(X2)
Night Call NEW
Ninjin Clash Of Carrots
Neoverse NEW
Octahedron
Of Orcs And Men NEW
Old School Musical
Omen Exitio Plague
On Rusty Trails
One Finger Death Punch 2
One Piece Burning Blood NEW 5€
Onikira Demon Killer
Operation Flashpoint Dragon Rising
OPUS The Day We Found Earth
Orbital Racer
Oriental Empires(X2)
Original War(X2)
Outcast Second Contact
Overload NEW
Overlord II
Override Mech City Brawl(X2)
Oxenfree NEW
Pac Man 256
Paper Fire Rookie
Paradigm
Passpartout The Starving Artist NEW 4€
Payday 2 NEW 2€
Penarium
Pikuniku
Pinstripe
Plague Inc Evolved NEW 7€
Poöf
Pound Of Ground(X2)
Primal Carnage Extinction
Psychonauts NEW
Psychonauts In The Rhombus Of Ruin NEW
Puddle
Pumped BMX+
Punch Club
Purrfect Date(X2)
Puss
Quest Of Dungeons
Rad(X2) NEW 1.5€
Rad Rodgers Radical Edition
Radio Commander NEW
Raiden V Director's Cut
Railway Empire (EU locked) NEW 3.5€
Rain World NEW 2€
Rebel Galaxy
Redeemer Enhanced Edition NEW
Re-Legion
Remnants Of Naezith NEW
Replay VHS Is Not Dead
Republique NEW
Resident Evil 0 HD Remaster NEW 3.5€
Resident Evil Revelations 2 Complete NEW 4.5€
Rise Of Insanity
River City Ransom Underground
Road Redemption(X2)
Rogue Stormers
Rusty Lake Paradise
Sakura Angels
Samorost 3
Satellite Reign
Serious Sam 3 BFE(X2) NEW 4€
Shadow Warrior 2 NEW 8€
Shadows Awakening NEW
Shadwen
She Remembered Caterpillars
Sherlock Holmes The Devil's Daughter NEW 2.5€
Shock Troopers
Shuyan Saga
SimCity 4 Deluxe Edition
Sky Break
Slipstream(X2)
Smoke And Sacrifice
Snake Pass
Sniper Elite V2 2.5€
Soma NEW 10€
Songbringer
Sonic CD
Sonic Mania NEW 3€
Sonic The Hedgehog 4 Episode 1 & 2
Space Hulk Ascension
Sparkle 2
Sparkle Unleashed
Spec Ops The Line
Speed Brawl
Spelunky NEW 2€
Stacking NEW
Star Trek(delisted) NEW 22€
Stasis
State Of Mind(X2)
Stealth Bastard Deluxe
Stealth Inc 2 A Game Of Clones(X2)
Steel Rats
Stick Fight The Game(X2) NEW 3.5€
Strider
Stygian Reign Of The Old Ones NEW
Styx Master Of Shadows NEW
Super Inefficient Golf
Super Panda Adventures
Surviving Mars
Sword Legacy Omen(X2)
Swords And Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon
Syberia II
Symmetry
Syndrome
Synthetik Legion Rising 5.5€
Take On Helicopters
Take On Mars
Tales From Candlekeep Tomb Of Annihilation(X2)
Tennis In The Face
Tennis World Tour NEW 3€
Tharsis(X2)
The Adventure Pals
The Bard's Tale IV Director's Cut NEW
The Coma 2 Vicious Sisters
The Darkness II
The Final Station
The Free Ones
The Gate Of Firmament
The Haunted Island
The Invisible Hours
The Journey Down Chapter Three
The King's Bird(X2) NEW
The King Of Fighters XIII Steam Edition
The Last Blade
The Last Leviathan
The Long Dark NEW 7€
The Messenger NEW
The Mims Beginning
The Night Of The Rabbit NEW
The Occupation NEW
The Rivers of Alice Extended Version
The Spatials
The Spiral Scouts
The Stanley Parable NEW 8€
The Stillness Of The Wind NEW
The Testament Of Sherlock Holmes NEW 2€
The Town Of Light(X2)
The Turing Test 2€
The Uncertain The Last Quiet Day
The Walking Dead + 400 Days NEW 2€
The Walking Vegetables
Them's Fightin' Herds(X2) 2.5€
Think Of The Children
This Is The Police 2
This War Of Mine(X2) NEW
Throne Of Lies Online Game Of Deceit
Through The Darkest Of Times
Tilt Brush NEW
Timeshift 3€
Time Recoil
Titan Quest + Ragnarok NEW 5.5€
Tooth And Tail 2€
Torchlight(X2)
Torchlight II(X3) NEW 2€
Tower Unite NEW 8€
Toybox Turbos
Tracks The Train Set Game
Train Valley 2 NEW
Treasure Hunter Simulator
Tropico 4
Truberbrook
True Fear Forsaken Souls
Tyranny NEW 3.5€
Unbox Newbie's Adventure
Unexplored(X2)
Unloved NEW
Vampire The Masquerade Coteries Of New York NEW
Vampyr NEW 5€
Velocibox
Verlet Swing NEW
Vikings Wolves Of Midgard NEW
V Rally 4 NEW
VVVVVV
Warhammer 40K Dawn Of War GOTY NEW
Warhammer 40K Kill Team NEW
Warhammer End Times Vermintide NEW
Wargroove NEW 2€
Warlock Master Of The Arcane
Warsaw NEW
Warstone TD
We Are The Dwarves
We.The Revolution NEW
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong(X2)
White Night
White Noise 2
Wings Of Vi(X2)
Wooden Sen'SeY
World's Dawn
World Of Goo
Worms Revolution
WRC 7 World Rally Championship
Wurm Unlimited
Xenoraid The First Space War
Yet Another Zombie Defense HD
Ylands Exploration Pack
Yooka-Laylee And The Impossible Lair 2€ NEW
Yuppie Psycho NEW
Zombie Army Trilogy NEW 7.5€
Zombie Kill Of The Week Reborn
Zombotron

Programs:
Music Maker EDM Edition+10$ voucher

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Dusk
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Heist
Children Of Morta
Nightmare Reaper
Amid Evil
...and about 100 more games

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2020.09.28 21:18 normancrane Iris [3/3]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3 <-- You are here.
I awoke to a world without women.
I rolled off the bed into sore thighs and guilt, got up to emptiness that echoed the slightest noise, and left my wife’s clothes on the sheets without thinking that eventually I’d have to pack them into a plastic bag and slide them down the garbage chute. I felt magnified and hollow. In the kitchen, I used the stove top as a table because the actual table had my wife’s tablet on it, and spilled instant coffee. What I didn’t spill I drank in a few gulps, the way I used to drink ice cold milk as a boy. I stood in front of the living room window for a while before realizing I was naked, then realizing that it didn’t matter because men changed in front of each other at the pool and peed next to one another into urinals in public restrooms, and there weren’t any women to hide from, no one to offend. The world, I told myself, was now a sprawling men’s pisser, so I slammed the window open and pissed.
I wanted to call someone—to tell them that my wife was dead, because that’s a duty owed by the living—but whom could I call: her sister, her parents? Her sister was dead. Her father had a dead wife and two dead daughters. There was nothing to say. Everyone knew. I called my wife’s father anyway. Was he still my father-in-law now that I was a widower? He didn’t accept the connection. Widower: a word loses all but historical meaning when there are no alternatives. If all animals were dogs, we’d purge one of those words from our vocabulary. We were all widowers. It was synonymous with man. I switched on the television and stared, crying, at a montage of photographs showing the bloody landscapes of cities, hospitals, retirement homes, schools and churches, all under the tasteless headline: “International Pop”. Would we clean it up, these remnants of the people we loved? Could we even use the same buildings, knowing what had happened in them? The illusion of practical thinking pushed my feeling of emptiness away. I missed arms wrapping around me from behind while I stared through rain streaked windows. I missed barking and a wagging tail that hit my leg whenever I was standing too close. Happiness seemed impossible. I called Bakshi because I needed confirmation that I still had a voice. “They’re the lucky ones,” he said right after I’d introduced myself. “They’re out. We’re the fools still locked in, and now we’re all alone.”
For three weeks, I expected my wife to show up at the apartment door. I removed her clothes from the bed and stuffed them into a garbage bag, but kept the garbage bag in the small space between the fridge and the kitchen wall. I probably would have kept a dead body in the freezer if I had one and it fit. As a city and as a world, those were grim, disorganized weeks for us. Nobody worked. I don’t know what we did. Sat around and drank, smoked. And we called each other, often out of the blue. Every day, I received a call from someone I knew but hadn’t spoken to in years. The conversations all followed a pattern. There was no catching up and no explanation of lost time, just a question like “How are you holding up?” followed by a thoughtless answer (“Fine, I guess. And you?”) followed by an exchange of details about the women we’d lost. Mothers, sisters, daughters, wives, girlfriends, friends, cousins, aunts, teachers, students, co-workers. We talked about the colour of their hair, their senses of humour, their favourite movies. We said nothing about ourselves, choosing instead to inhabit the personas of those whom we’d loved. In the hallway, I would put on my wife’s coats but never look at myself in the mirror. I wore her winter hats in the middle of July. Facebook became a graveyard, with the gender field separating the mourners from the dead.
The World Health Organization issued a communique stating that based on the available data it was reasonable to assume that all the women in the world were dead, but it called for any woman still alive to come forward immediately. The language of the communique was as sterile as the Earth. Nobody came forward. The World Wildlife Fund created an inventory of all mammalian species that listed in ascending order how long each species would exist. Humans were on the bottom. Both the World Health Organization and the World Wildlife Fund predicted that unless significant technological progress occurred in the field of fertility within the next fifty years, the last human, a theoretical boy named Philip born into a theoretical developed country on March 26, 2025, would die in 93 years. On the day of his death, Philip would be the last remaining mammal—although not necessarily animal—on Earth. No organization or government has ever officially stated that July 4, 2025, was the most destructive day in recorded history, on the morning of which, Eastern Time, four billion out of a total of eight billion people ceased to exist as anything more than memories. What killed them was neither an act of war nor an act of terrorism. Neither was it human negligence. There was no one to blame and no one to prosecute. In the western countries, where the majority of people no longer believed in any religion, we could not even call it an act of God. So we responded by calling it nothing at all.
And, like nothing, our lives persisted. We ate, we slept and we adapted. After the first wave of suicides ended, we hosed off what the rain hadn’t already washed away and began to reorganize the systems on which our societies ran. It was a challenge tempered only slightly in countries where women had not made up a significant portion of the workforce. We held new elections, formed me boards of directors and slowed down the assembly lines and bus schedules to make it possible for our communities to keep running. There was less food in the supermarkets, but we also needed less food. Instead of two trains we ran one, but one sufficed. I don’t remember the day when I finally took the black garbage bag from its resting place and walked it to the chute. “How are you holding up?” a male voice would say on the street. “Fine, I guess. And you?” I’d answer. ##!! wrote a piece of Python code to predict the box office profitability of new movies, in which real actors played alongside computer-generated actresses. The code was only partially successful. Because while it did accurately predict the success of new movies in relation to one other, it failed to include the overwhelming popularity of re-releases of films from the past—films starring Bette Davis, Giulietta Masina, Meryl Streep: women who at least on screen were still flesh and blood. Theatres played retrospectives. On Amazon, books by female authors topped the charts. Sales of albums by women vocalists surged. We thirsted for another sex. I watched, read and listened like everyone else, and in between I cherished any media on which I found images or recordings of my wife. I was angry for not having made more. I looked at the same photos and watched the same clips over and over again. I memorized my wife’s Facebook timeline and tagged all her Tweets by date, theme and my own rating. When I went out, I would talk to the air as if she was walking beside me, sometimes quoting her actual words as answers to my questions and sometimes inventing my own as if she was a beloved character in an imagined novel. When people looked at me like I was crazy, I didn’t care. I wasn’t the only one. But, more importantly, my wife meant more to me than they did. I remembered times when we’d stroll through the park or down downtown sidewalks and I would be too ashamed to kiss her in the presence of strangers. Now, I would tell her that I love her in the densest crowd. I would ask her whether I should buy ketchup or mustard in the condiments aisle. She helped me pick out my clothes in the morning. She convinced me to eat healthy and exercise.
In November, I was in Bakshi’s apartment for the first time, waiting for a pizza delivery boy, when one of Bakshi’s friends who was browsing Reddit told us that the Tribe of Akna was starting a Kickstarter campaign in an attempt to buy the Republic of Suriname, rename it Xibalba and close its borders for all except the enlightened. Xibalba would have no laws, Salvador Abaroa said in a message on the site. He was banging his gong as he did. Everything would be legal, and anyone who pledged $100 would receive a two-week visa to this new "Mayan Buddhist Eden". If you pledged over $10,000, you would receive citizenship. “Everything in life is destroyed by energy,” Abaroa said. “But let the energy enlighten you before it consumes your body. Xibalba is finite life unbound.” Bakshi’s phone buzzed. The pizza boy had sent an email. He couldn’t get upstairs, so Bakshi and I took the elevator to the building’s front entrance. The boy’s face was so white that I saw it as soon as the elevator doors slid open. Walking closer, I saw that he was powdered. His cheeks were also rouged, and he was wearing cranberry coloured lipstick, a Marilyn Monroe wig and a short black skirt. Compared to his face, his thin legs looked like incongruously dark popsicle sticks. Bakshi paid for the pizza and added another five dollars for the tip. The boy batted his fake eyelashes and asked if maybe he could do something to earn a little more. “What do you mean?” I asked. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I could come upstairs and clean the place up a little. You two live alone?” Bakshi passed me the two pizza boxes—They felt hot in my hands.—and dug around in his wallet. “It’s not just the two of us,” I said. The boy smiled. “That’s OK. I’ve done parties before if that’s what you’re into.” I saw the reaction on Bakshi’s face, and I saw the boy’s grotesque caricature of a woman. “There’s condoms and lube in the car,” the boy said, pointing to a sedan with a pizza spray-painted across its side parked by the curb. “My boss says I can take up to two hours but it’s not like he uses a stopwatch.” I stepped on Bakshi’s foot and shouldered him away. He was still fiddling with his wallet. “We’re not interested,” I said to the boy. He just shrugged. “Suit yourselves. If you change your mind, order another pizza and ask for Ruby.” The elevator dinged and the doors opened. As we shuffled inside, I saw Bakshi’s cheeks turn red. “I’m not actually—” he mumbled, but I didn’t let him finish. What had bothered me so much about the boy wasn’t the way he looked or acted; in fact, it wasn’t really the boy at all. He was just trying to make a buck. What bothered me was how ruthlessly we’d already begun to exploit each other.
For those of us who were heterosexual, sex was a definite weakness. I missed it. I would never have it with a woman again. The closest substitute was pornography, whose price rose with its popularity, but which, at least for me, now came scented with the unpleasantness of historicity and nostalgia. Videos and photos, not to mention physical magazines, were collector’s items in the same way that we once collected coins or action figures. The richest men bought up the exclusive rights to their favourite porn stars and guarded them by law with a viciousness once reserved for the RIAA and MPAA. Perhaps exclusivity gave them a possessive satisfaction. In response, we pirated whatever we could and fought for a pornographic public domain. Although new pornography was still being produced, either with the help of the same virtual technology they used for mainstream movies or with the participation of young men in costume, it lacked the taste of the originals. It was like eating chocolate made without cocoa. The best pornography, and therefore the best sex, became the pornography of the mind.
The Tribe of Akna reached its Kickstarter goal in early December. On December 20, I went to church for the first time since getting married because that was the theoretical date that my wife—along with every other woman—was supposed to have given birth. I wanted to be alone with others. Someone posted a video on TikTok from Elia Kazan’s On The Waterfront, dubbing over Marlon Brando’s speech to say: “You don’t understand. I could’a had a piece of ass. I could’a been a school board member. I could’a been a son’s daddy”. It was juvenile and heartbreaking. By Christmas, the Surinamese government was already expelling its citizens, each of whom had theoretically been given a fraction of the funds paid to the government from the Tribe of Akna’s Kickstarter pool, and Salvador Abaroa’s lawyers were petitioning for international recognition of the new state of Xibalba. Neither Canada nor the United States opened diplomatic relations, but others did. I knew people who had pledged money, and when in January they disappeared on trips, I had no doubt to where. Infamy spread in the form of stories and urban legends. There’s no need for details. People disappeared, and ethicists wrote about the ethical neutrality of murder, arguing that because we were all slated to die, leaving the Earth barren in a century, destruction was a human inevitability, and what is inevitable can never be bad, even when it comes earlier than expected—even when it comes by force. Because, as a species, we hadn’t chosen destruction for ourselves, neither should any individual member of our species be able to choose now for himself. To the ethicists of what became known as the New Inevitability School, suicide was a greater evil than murder because it implied choice and inequality. If the ship was going down, no one should be allowed to get off. A second wave of suicides coincided with the debate, leading many governments to pass laws making suicide illegal. But how do you punish someone who already wants to die? In China: by keeping him alive and selling him to Xibalba, where he becomes the physical plaything of its citizens and visa-holders. The Chinese was the first embassy to open in Xibalban Paramaribo.
The men working on Kurt Schwaller’s theory of everything continued working, steadily adding new variables to their equations, complicating their calculations in the hopes that someday the variable they added would be the final one and the equation would yield an answer. “It’s pointless,” Bakshi would comment after reading about one of the small breakthroughs they periodically announced. “Even if they do manage to predict something, anything, it won’t amount to anything more than the painfully obvious. And after decades of adding and subtracting their beans, they’ll come out of their Los Alamos datalabs like groundhogs into a world blanketed by storm clouds and conclude, finally and with plenty of self-congratulations, that it’s about to fucking rain.”
It rained a lot in February. It was one of the warmest Februaries in Toronto’s history. Sometimes I went for walks along the waterfront, talking to my wife, listening to Billie Holiday and trying to recall as many female faces as I could. Ones from the distant past: my mother, my grandmothers. Ones from the recent past: the woman whose life my wife saved on the way to the hospital, the Armenian woman with the film magazine and the injured son, the Jamaican woman, Bakshi’s wife. I focused on their faces, then zoomed out to see their bodies. I carried an umbrella but seldom opened it because the pounding of the raindrops against the material distorted my mental images. I saw people rush across the street holding newspapers above their heads while dogs roamed the alleyways wearing nothing at all. Of the two, it was dogs that had the shorter time left on Earth, and if they could let the rain soak their fur and drip off their bodies, I could surely let it run down my face. It was first my mother and later my wife who told me to always cover up in the rain, “because moisture causes colds,” but I was alone now and I didn’t want to be separated from the falling water by a sheet of glass anymore. I already was cold. I saw a man sit down on a bench, open his briefcase, pack rocks into it, then close it, tie it to his wrist, check his watch and start to walk into the polluted waters of Lake Ontario. Another man took out his phone and tapped his screen a few times. The man in the lake walked slowly, savouring each step. When the police arrived, sirens blaring, the water was up to his neck. I felt guilty for watching the three officers splash into the lake after him. I don’t know what happened after that because I turned my back and walked away. I hope they didn’t stop him. I hope he got to do what he wanted to do.
“Screw the police.” Bakshi passed me a book. “You should read this,” he said. It was by a professor of film and media studies at a small university in Texas. There was a stage on the cover, flanked by two red curtains. The photo had been taken from the actors’ side, looking out at an audience that the stage lights made too dark to see. The title was Hiding Behind The Curtains. I flipped the book over. There was no photo of the author. “It’s a theory,” Bakshi said, “that undercuts what Abaroa and the Inevitabilists are saying. It’s a little too poetic in parts but—listen, you ever read Atlas Shrugged?” I said I hadn’t. “Well, anyway, what this guy says is that what if instead of our situation letting us do anything we want, it’s actually the opposite, a test to see how we act when we only think that we’re doomed. I mean what if the women who died in March, what if they’re just—” “Hiding behind the curtains,” I said. He bit his lower lip. “It sounds stupid when you say it like that but, as a metaphor, it has a kind of elegance, right?” I flipped through the book, reading a few sentences at random. It struck me as neo-Christian. “Isn’t this a little too spiritual for you? I thought we were all locked into one path,” I said. “I thought that, too, but lately I’ve been able to do things—things that I didn’t really want to do.” For a second I was concerned. “Nothing bad,” he said. “I mean I’ve felt like I’m locked into doing one thing, say having a drink of water, but I resist and pour myself a glass of orange juice instead.” I shook my head. “It’s hard to explain,” he said. That’s how most theories ended, I thought: reason and evidence up to a crucial point, and then it gets so personal that it’s hard to explain. You either make the jump or you don’t. “Just read it,” he said. “Please read it. You don’t have to agree with it, I just want to get your opinion, an objective opinion.”
I never did read the book, and Bakshi forgot about it, too, but that day he was excited and happy, and those were rare feelings. I was simultaneously glad for him and jealous. Afterwards, we went out onto the balcony and drank Czech beer until morning. When it got cool, we put on our coats. It started to drizzle so we wore blue plastic suits like the ones they used to give you on boat rides in Niagara Falls. When it was time to go home, I was so drunk I couldn’t see straight. I almost got into a fight, the first one of my life, because I bumped into a man on the street and told him to get the fuck out of my way. I don’t remember much more of my walk home. The only reason I remember Behind The Curtains at all is because when I woke up in the afternoon it was the first thing that my hung over brain recognized. It was lying on the floor beside the bed. Then I opened the blinds covering my bedroom window and, through my spread fingers that I’d meant to use as a shield from the first blast of daylight, I saw the pincers for the first time.
They’d appeared while I was asleep. I turned on the television and checked my phone. The media and the internet were feverish, but nobody knew what the thing was, just a massive, vaguely rectangular shape blotting out a strip of the sky. NASA stated that it had received no extraterrestrial messages to coincide with the appearance. Every government claimed ignorance. The panel discussions on television only worsened my headache. Bakshi emailed me links to photos from Mumbai, Cape Town, Sydney and Mexico City, all showing the same shape; or rather one of a pair of shapes, for there were two of them, one on each side of the Earth, and they’d trapped our planet between themselves like gargantuan fingers clutching an equally gargantuan ping-pong ball. That’s why somebody came up with the term “the pincers”. It stuck. Because I’d slept in last night’s clothes I was already dressed, so I ran down the stairs and out of my apartment building to get a better look at them from the parking lot. You’re not supposed to look at the sun, but I wasn’t the only one breaking that rule. There were entire crowds with upturned faces in the streets. If the pincers, too, could see, they would perhaps be as baffled by us as we were of them: billions of tiny specks all over the surface of this ping-pong ball gathering in points on a grid, coagulating into large puddles that vanished overnight only to reassemble in the morning. In the following days, scientists scrambled to study the pincers and their potential effects on us, but they discovered nothing. The pincers did nothing. They emitted nothing, consumed nothing. They simply were. And they could not be measured or detected in any way other than by eyesight. When we shot rays at them, the rays continued on their paths unaffected, as if nothing was there. The pincers did, however, affect the sun’s rays coming towards us. They cut up our days. The sun would rise, travel over the sky, hide behind a pincer—enveloping us in a second night—before revealing itself again as a second day. But if the pincers’ physical effect on us was limited to its blockage of light, their mental effects on us were astoundingly severe. For many, this was the sign they’d been waiting for. It brought hope. It brought gloom. It broke and confirmed ideas that were hard to explain. In their ambiguity, the pincers could be anything, but in their strangeness they at least reassured us of the reality of the strange times in which we were living. Men walked away from the theory of everything, citing the pincers as the ultimate variable that proved the futility of prognostication. Others took up the calculations because if the pincers could appear, what else was out there in our future? However, ambiguity can only last for a certain period. Information narrows possibilities. On April 1, 2026, every Twitter account in the world received the following message:
as you can see this message is longer than the allowed one hundred forty characters time and space are malleable you thought you had one hundred years but prepare for the plucking
The sender was @. The message appeared in each user’s feed at exactly the same time and in his first language, without punctuation. Because of the date most of us thought it was a hoax, but the developers of Twitter denied this vehemently. It wasn’t until a court forced them to reveal their code, which proved that a message of that length and sent by a blank user was impossible, that our doubts ceased. ##!! took bets on what the message meant. Salvador Abaroa broadcast a response into space in a language he called Bodhi Mayan, then addressed the rest of us in English, saying that in the pincers he had identified an all-powerful prehistoric fire deity, described in an old Sanskrit text as having the resemblance of mirrored black fangs, whose appearance signified the end of time. “All of us will burn,” he said, “but paradise shall be known only to those who burn willingly.” Two days later, The Tribe of Akna announced that in one month it would seal Xibalba from the world and set fire to everything and everyone in it. For the first time, its spokesman said, an entire nation would commit suicide as one. Jonestown was but a blip. As a gesture of goodwill, he said that Xibalba was offering free immolation visas to anyone who applied within the next week. The New Inevitability School condemned the plan as “offensively unethical” and inequalitist and urged an international Xibalban boycott. Nothing came of it. When the date arrived, we watched with rapt attention on live streams and from the vantage points of circling news planes as Salvador Abaroa struck flint against steel, creating the spark that caught the char cloth, starting a fire that blossomed bright crimson and in the next weeks consumed all 163,821 square kilometres of the former Republic of Suriname and all 2,500,000 of its estimated Xibalban inhabitants. Despite concerns that the fire would spread beyond Xibalba’s borders, The Tribe of Akna had been careful. There were no accidental casualties and no unplanned property damage. No borders were crossed. Once the fire burned out, reporters competed to be first to capture the mood on the ground. Paramaribo resembled the smouldering darkness of a fire pit.
It was a few days later while sitting on Bakshi’s balcony, looking up at the pincers and rereading a reproduction of @’s message—someone had spray-painted it across the wall of a building opposite Bakshi’s—that I remembered Iris. The memory was so absorbing that I didn’t notice when Bakshi slid open the balcony door and sat down beside me, but I must have been smiling because he said, “I don’t mean this the wrong way, but you look a little loony tonight. Seriously, man, you do not look sufficiently freaked out.” I’d remembered Iris before, swirling elements of her plain face, but now I also remembered her words and her theory. I turned to Bakshi, who seemed to be waiting for an answer to his question, and said, “Let’s get up on the roof of this place.” He grabbed my arm and held on tightly. “I’m not going to jump, if that’s what you mean.” It wasn’t what I meant, but I asked, “why not?” He said, “I don’t know. I know we’re fucked as a species and all that, but I figure if I’m still alive I might as well see what happens next, like in a bad movie you want to see through to the end.” I promised him that I wasn’t going to jump, either. Then I scrambled inside his apartment, grabbed my hat and jacket from the closet by the front door and put them on while speed walking down the hall, toward the fire escape. I realized I’d been spending a lot of time here. The alarm went off as soon I pushed open the door with my hip but I didn’t care. When Bakshi caught up with me, I was already outside, leaping up two stairs at a time. The metal construction was rusted. The treads wobbled. On the roof, the wind nearly blew my hat off and it was so loud I could have screamed and no one would have heard me. Holding my hat in my hands, I crouched and looked out over the twinkling city spread out in front of me. It looked alive in spite of the pincers in the sky. “Let’s do something crazy,” I yelled. Bakshi was still catching his breath behind me. “What, like this isn’t crazy enough?” The NHL may have been gone but my hat still bore the Maple Leafs logo, as quaint and obsolete by then as the Weimar Republic in the summer of 1945. “When’s the last time you played ball hockey?” I asked. Bakshi crouched beside me. “You’re acting weird. And I haven’t played ball hockey in ages.” I stood up so suddenly that Bakshi almost fell over. This time I knew I was smiling. “So call your buddies,” I said. “Tell them to bring their sticks and their gear and to meet us in front of the ACC in one hour.” Bakshi patted me on the back. Toronto shone like jewels scattered over black velvet. “The ACC’s been closed for years, buddy. I think you’re really starting to lose it.” I knew it was closed. “Lose what?” I asked. “It’s closed and we’re going to break in.”
The chains broke apart like shortbread. The electricity worked. The clouds of dust made me sneeze. We used duffel bags to mark out the goals. We raced up and down the stands and bent over, wheezing at imaginary finish lines. We got into the announcer’s booth and called each other cunts through the microphone. We ran, fell and shot rubber pucks for hours. We didn’t keep score. We didn’t worry. “What about the police?” someone asked. The rest of us answered: “Screw the fucking police!”
And when everybody packed up and went home, I stayed behind.
“Are you sure you’re fine?” Bakshi asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Because I have to get back so that I can shower, get changed and get to work.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said.
“And you promise me you’ll catch a cab?”
“I’m not suicidal.”
He fixed his grip on his duffel bag. “I didn’t say you were. I was just checking.”
“I want to see the end of the movie, too,” I said.
He saluted. I watched him leave. When he was gone, my wife walked down from the nosebleeds and took a seat beside me. “There’s someone I want to tell you about,” I said. She lifted her chin like she always does when something unexpected catches her interest, and scooted closer. I put my arm across the back of her beautiful shoulders. She always liked that, even though the position drives me crazy because I tend to talk a lot with my hands. “Stuck at Leafs-Wings snorefest,” she said. “Game sucks but I love the man sitting beside me.” (January 15, 2019. Themes: hockey, love, me. Rating: 5/5). “Her name was Iris,” I said.

Iris

“What if the whole universe was a giant garden—like a hydroponics thing, like how they grow tomatoes and marijuana, so there wouldn’t need to be any soil, all the nutrients would just get injected straight into the seeds or however they do it—or, even better, space itself was the soil, you know how they talk about dark matter being this invisible and mysterious thing that exists out there and we don’t know what it does, if it actually affect anything, gravity…”
She blew a cloud of pot smoke my way that made me cough and probably gave her time to think. She said, “So dark matter is like the soil, and in this space garden of course they don’t grow plants but something else.”
“Galaxies?”
“Eyes.”
“Just eyes, or body parts in general?” I asked.
“Just eyes.”
The music from the party thumped. “But the eyes are our planets, like Mars is an eye, Neptune is an eye, and the Earth is an eye, maybe even the best eye.”
“The best for what? Who’s growing them?”
“God,” she said.
I took the joint from her and took a long drag. “I didn’t know you believed in God.”
“I don’t, I guess—except when I’m on dope. Anyway, you’ve got to understand me because when I say God I don’t mean like the old man with muscles and a beard. This God, the one I’m talking about, it’s more like a one-eyed monster.”
“Like a cyclops?” I asked.
“Yeah, like that, like a cyclops. So it’s growing these eyes in the dark matter in space—I mean right now, you and me, we’re literally sitting on one of these eyes and we’re contributing to its being grown because the nutrients the cyclops God injected into them, that’s us.”
“Why does God need so many extra eyes?”
“It’s not a question of having so many of them, but more about having the right one, like growing the perfect tomato.” I gave her back the joint and leaned back, looking at the stars. “Because every once in a while the cyclops God goes blind, its eye stops working—not in the same way we go blind, because the cyclops God doesn’t see reality in the same way we see reality—but more like we see through our brains and our eyes put together.”
“Like x-ray vision?” I asked.
“No, not like that at all,” she said.
“A glass eye?”
“Glass eyes are fake.”
“OK,” I said, “so maybe try something else. Give me a different angle. Tell me what role we’re playing in all of this because right now it seems that we’re pretty insignificant. I mean, you said we’re nutrients but what’s the difference between, say, Mars and Earth in terms of being eyes?”
She looked over at me. “Are you absolutely sure you want to hear about this?”
“I am,” I said.
“You don’t think it’s stupid?”
“Compared to what?”
“I don’t know, just stupid in general.”
“I don’t.”
“I like you,” she said.
“Because I don’t think you’re stupid?” I asked.
“That’s just a bonus. I mean more that you’re up here with me instead of being down there with everyone, and we’re talking and even though we’re not in love I know somehow we’ll never forget each other for as long as we live.”
“It’s hard to forget being on the surface of a giant floating eyeball.”
“You’re scared that you won’t find anyone to love,” she said suddenly, causing me to nearly choke on my own saliva. “Don’t ask me how I know—I just do. But before I go any further about the cyclops God, I want you to know that you’ll find someone to love and who’ll love you back, and whatever happens you’ll always have that because no one can take away the past.”
“You’re scared of going blind,” I said.
“I am going blind.”
“Not yet.”
“And I’m learning not to be scared because everything I see until that day will always belong to me.”
“The doctors said it would be gradual,” I reminded her.
“That’s horrible.”
“Why?”
“Because you wouldn’t want to find someone to love and then know that every day you wake up the love between you grows dimmer and dimmer, would you?”
“I guess not,” I said.
“Wouldn’t you much rather feel the full strength of that love up to and including in the final second before the world goes black?”
“It would probably be painful to lose it all at once like that.”
“Painful because you actually had something to lose. For me, I know I can’t wish away blindness, but I sure wish that the last image I ever see—in that final second before my world goes black—is the most vivid and beautiful image of all.”
Because I didn’t know what to say to that, I mumbled: “I’m sorry.”
“That I’m going blind?”
“Yeah, and that we can’t grow eyes.”
This time I looked over, and she was the one gazing at the stars. “Before, you asked if we were insignificant,” she said. “But because you’re sorry—that’s kind of why we’re the most significant of all, why Earth is better than the other planets.”
“For the cyclops God?”
“Yes.”
“He cares about my feelings?”
“Not in the way you’re probably thinking, but in a different way that’s exactly what the cyclops God cares about most because that’s what it’s looking for in an eye. All the amazing stuff we’ve ever built, all our ancient civilizations and supercomputers and cities you can see from the Moon—that’s just useless cosmetics to the cyclops God, except in how all of it has made us feel about things that aren’t us.”
“I think you’re talking about morality.”
“I think so, too.”
“So by feeling sorry for you I’m showing compassion, and the cyclops God likes compassion?”
“That’s not totally wrong but it’s a little upside down. We have this black matter garden and these planets the cyclops God has grown as potential eyes to replace its own eye once it stops working, but its own eye is like an eye and a brain mixed together. Wait—” she said.
I waited.
“Imagine a pair of tinted sunglasses.”
I imagined green-tinted ones.
“Now imagine that instead of the lenses being a certain colour, they’re a certain morality, and if you wear the glasses you see the world tinted according to that morality.”
I was kind of able to imagine that. I supposed it would help show who was good and who was bad. “But the eye and the tinted glasses are the same thing in this case.”
“Exactly, there’s no one without the other, and what makes the tint special is us—not that the cyclops God cares at all about individuals any more than we care about individual honey bees. That’s why he’s kind of a monster.”
“Isn’t people’s morality always changing, though?”
“Only up to a point. Green is green even when you have a bunch of shades of it, and a laptop screen still works fine even with a few dead pixels, right? And the more globalized and connected we get, the smoother our morality gets, but if you’re asking more about how our changing morals work when the cyclops God finally comes to take its eye, I assume it has a way to freeze our progress. To cut our roots. Then it makes some kind of final evaluation. If it’s satisfied it takes the planet and sticks it into its eye socket, and if it doesn’t like us then it lets us alone, although because we’re frozen and possibly rootless I suppose we die—maybe that’s what the other planets are, so many of them in space without any sort of life. Cold, rejected eyes.”
From sunglasses to bees to monitors in three metaphors, and now we were back to space. This was getting confusing. The stars twinkled, some of them dead, too: their light still arriving at our eyes from sources that no longer existed. “That’s kind of depressing,” I said to end the silence.
“What about it?”
“Being bees,” I said, “that work for so long at tinting a pair of glasses just so that a cyclops God can try them on.”
“I don’t think it’s any more depressing than being a tomato.”
“I’ve never thought about that.”
“You should. It’s beautiful, like love,” she said. “Because if you think about it, being a tomato and being a person are really quite similar. They’re both about growing and existing for the enjoyment of someone else. As a tomato you’re planted, you grow and mature and then an animal comes along and eats you. The juicier you look and the nicer you smell, the greater the chance that you’ll get plucked but also the more pleasure the animal will get from you. As a person, you’re also born and you grow up and you mature into a one of a kind personality with a one of a kind face, and then someone comes along and makes you fall in love with them and all the growing you did was really just for their enjoyment of your love.”
“Except love lasts longer than chewing a tomato.”
“Sometimes,” she said.
“And you have to admit that two tomatoes can’t eat each other the way two people can love each other mutually.”
“I admit that’s a good point,” she said.
“And what happens to someone who never gets fallen in love with?”
“The same thing that happens to a tomato that never gets eaten or an eye that the cyclops God never takes. They die and they rot, and they darken and harden, decomposing until they don’t look like tomatoes anymore. It’s not a nice fate. I’d rather live awhile and get eaten, to be honest.”
“As a tomato or person?”
“Both.”
I thought for a few seconds. “That explanation works for things on Earth, but nothing actually decomposes in space.”
“That’s why there are so many dead planets,” she said.
submitted by normancrane to cryosleep [link] [comments]


2020.09.28 19:11 oofboi2002 Please critique my very long story if you have the time and patience to read it :) Even if its a nuclear criticism lay it on me.

As I stood at the dock’s edge, gazing at the tempestuous sea I couldn’t help but wonder why I had decided to come to this desolate rock. Could it have been a fickle attempt to escape the everyday humdrum of life? Or had some enigmatic force of fate brought me to this rickety atoll? My dismal rumination was abruptly quelled by a stout hand clapping my shoulder, my thoughts still roared as I turned to see the briny barge captain who had stirred me. He must have noticed my vacant stare because he immediately led me to a musty wooden tavern not thirty yards away from the dock’s cragged edge.
As we ambled through the swinging saloon doors I began to grasp how meager this hamlet was. My inattentive thoughts were jarred by the bartender gruffly asking for my drink of choice, I simply abstained myself which elicited a grumble from the chapped man. As I sat in the bar, I could feel manifold sets of eyes scouring my slouched shoulders. I could hear hushed voices redound off the rotting walls “Looks like a fresh continental.”, “Come next barge he’s gone go back home cryin’ to mama.” I stood from my seat and left the peculiar locals to their swill.
I noticed a filmy patch of fog rolling through the cobbled stone streets. As I looked back to the dock I noticed the vessel that I had arrived on was now a distant mote on the horizon. I began combing the stark streets for any refuge that didn’t contain unsavory locals or fetid scents. As I strolled through the fog the warm effulgence of oil lamps illuminated a small chain bound wooden sign that merely read “INN”.
As I entered the lobby, I saw that the inn was well lit and unsoiled by rot or water damage. As I strode to the end of the reception area I noticed a golden service bell on the edge of a glossy wooden desk labeled “Check-In” I rang the small bell and not a second later a small elderly woman scooted from a small curtained room to the side of the desk opposite me. I examined her face more closely to see keen exuberance in her eyes as if I were an old friend she hadn’t spoken to in some time. “Hello, my name is Ida, and welcome to my Inn. How long would you like to stay my dear?” “I’ll stay for a week.” I said reluctantly, I had no idea when the next ship would come to this port and the locals are no help whatsoever. “Wonderful!” she croaked “So many continentals come to stay here, my business has been booming since I opened four years ago.” This comment confused me greatly because the keyboard behind her was completely full. “This way young man you’ll be staying in room 3.” The woman quickly shuffled up a flight of burnished wooden stairs to reveal a carpeted hallway with 5 rooms on each side. “You said your business was booming…” I alluded “…but the other rooms are vacant.” Ida smiled at me and asserted “The other patrons left the village to get closer to the island.” This statement perplexed me, “This place is so bleak. Why would anyone want to make a home here?” I thought to myself as Ida’s face receded with the closing door.
My room was a spacious 40 square meter box with red curtains covering immaculate double windows. I took to lying down on the cushy king bed so that I could reflect on my circumstances comfortably. After some ephemeral solitary deliberation, I heard a feeble knock on my door. When I opened the door there stood the slightly wilted figure of Ida, but this time she was holding a small sheet of paper. “Since you’re going to be here for a bit, I thought you might want to know this town’s history.” The paper had a picture of a gaping cave entrance that gave me a disconcerting chill. I gripped the pamphlet, but the woman maintained her grip. “Watch yourself when you leave your room you hear? The folk who live in this town are the least of your worries.” She then released the brochure and retired to the lobby. The leaflet described the founding of the town by a small fleet of European trading ships that were immobilized by a severe tropical storm that devastated the area. These settlers lived on the island for nearly a century, but one day a military vessel docked, and the men were astonished to find the settlement and the entire island to be empty. It was as if the people had vanished into thin air. Soon the settlement was repopulated during the Industrial Revolution in hopes that the island had hidden riches to strip and sell to the highest bidder. However, many of the prospectors reported seeing pale slick headed figures stalking the dark inlets of the cave system. These legends were never confirmed, and no lives were lost until one day the miner’s exit had a massive cave in and hundreds of men were killed along with the island’s economy. The island is now a secluded community that feeds itself with the sea’s bounty. As I flipped to the back of the handout, I found a map of the island with important locations corresponding to its history each marked with a crudely written title and small “x” to specify. My eyes scanned the map I saw a small gray patch of land near the watery center of the atoll. The patch was marked “Murky Grotto”, this was the location that was pictured on the front of the pamphlet and the site where the cave-in occurred. I flipped the paper back to its face and studied the maw of the cave closely, I’m positive I saw something in that cave. I could feel the hand holding the picture drifting closer to my face until I could see nothing but the darkness within.
My vision was completely darkened by the picture, but when I moved the photo away from my eyes, I realized that I was no longer in the warm hotel room. I was totally enveloped by inky blackness on all sides, the only thing my senses could interpret was the biting chill in the air and the faint dripping of water. My heart jumped from resting to throbbing against my rib cage. As my breath became faster, I began to hear clumsy footsteps accompanied by ear-shattering wails and erratic cries of primal rage. I couldn’t tell what was making the peculiar noise, but all I knew was that it was getting louder and therefore closer. I reduced my breathing to remain completely silent. I could feel its frenzied breath on my face. Standing before me was what may seem human, but this beast was coated and continuously secreting a sickly lemon-colored mucous, sporting a near melanin free outer membrane, the eyes must be completely worthless as the beast does not acknowledge visual stimuli its bulbous and milky eyes seem to be an evolutionary mutation as useful as the human appendix, the mutant also didn’t have a single visible hair on its body. The mutant’s physical condition is questionable,, to say the least. Much of its body was simply gaunt deformity. The torso is mostly stretched thin skin over protruding bones. The mutant’s prominent facial features include its lack of a nose, instead it has two nostrils nestled in a small facial ridge where its nose should be was. The mutant’s ears are also embedded into its head rather than protruding. My blood ran cold as the creature’s dead eyes bulged while it silently stood in front of me, baring its rows of deformed teeth in my face almost as if it knew it was standing inches away but preferred to taunt me instead. I began to slowly inch away from the mutant as quietly as possible step by step. However, my fear overtook my footing as I backed into what must have been a thick stalagmite and began to plunge to the floor. As I fell, I could see the creature aimlessly swiping toward me, the monstrosity wore a tattered black cloak, but no shoes. The creature’s feet were densely webbed to the point where what would be toes were nearly fused together. The last thing I heard before I collapsed was another spine-chilling scream coming from the creature.
I shot up from lying down, once again blind for a moment until the small pamphlet flaked off my face and into my lap. My body was shaking immensely as I tried reassuring myself that I had just fallen asleep and had a terrible nightmare, but I could feel the dull flow of adrenaline through my body. I sauntered into the bathroom to use the sink to cool my sweat laden forehead, as I refreshed myself, I chuckled because I had gotten myself so worked up over a stupid nightmare. As I dried my hands however I could feel something warm running down my neck, I used a few sheets of toilet paper to clear my sweat, but as I brought the paper to my face to examine the amount of sweat my vision began to blur as I saw that I had not cleaned sweat off my neck rather the wipe was stained red with fresh blood. I stumbled into the stand-in shower and activated the tepid flow of water. I faced the shiny silver floor drain as I watched diluted blood swirl into the pipes below just trying to distract myself from the I implored myself to think of any logical answer other than the repulsive possibility that was slowly pushing its way to the forefront of my mind. “The nightmare.” I blankly uttered. Soon afterward the blood stopped flowing down my back and shoulders and I stepped out of the shower shaking profusely even though the temperature was better than most showers I’ve used. I threw myself toward my duffel bag to retrieve my meds. “Don’t think about it. None of it makes sense so don’t delude yourself by trying to make it logical.” I chanted as I downed my medicine with a swig of water I spread myself across the bed, staring up at the ceiling with my mind still racing, but eventually my medication eased my mind enough that my heart resumed its normal resting pattern. I was determined to stay awake until I could convince myself that I was just anxious about staying in this eerie hamlet. I soon pushed it to the back of my mind and decided that I would go back to the tavern and look for a guide and something to eat. As I descended the stairs, I could see that the old woman was nowhere to be found in the lobby, so I simply left a generous payment for the weeks lodging next to the cramped guest ledger. I took a closer look at the paper to notice that Ida was in fact right that many travelers had come to the inn, however, there was a column marked “Room Status” and every single name except for mine was marked vacated on the same date and within the same hour. This confused me at first, but I then realized that these people must have come together, perhaps they checked out to explore the island’s entirety.
As I left the Inn I was again greeted with thick fog and dark skies. As I returned to the coast where I arrived I felt a few raindrops hit the nape of my neck as thunder rolled in the distance. I stopped before I entered the bar again because I could once more feel eyes on my back. I turned to see a man dressed in a navy-blue police uniform with an aged 1911 pistol model on one hip and a sleek nightstick on the other. The man raised one of his gloved hands and motioned for me to come closer. As I approached I saw the man’s gaunt features, his eyes were baggy and dark as his suit, immense stress markings on his forehead, and an unsightly scar stretching from his left commissure to the corresponding earlobe. “Hello son, you’re the new cont’nental arrived yesterday right?” he coolly inquired, “Continental?” I quizzically asked, “Everyone keeps calling me that, but I don’t know what it means.” “Means you’re from the mainland, means they don’t trust you neither. These folks only care for their own and don’t take well to outsiders meddling with their traditions.” The officer said overly nonchalantly. “I noticed that they weren’t very fond of me as soon as I walked into the bar. Do the locals even speak to newcomers unless they have to?” I inquired genuinely regretting not stepping back onto the barge instead of being distracted by the queer community of ruffled fishermen. “Most folk just keep a sour look til’ newcomers get the message.” He punctuated his sentence by grabbing a small canteen and taking a swig of what I assumed was water. “Do you know when the next barge will come here? I made a mistake staying here and I need the first boat back to the mainland.” The officer chuckled and looked at me as if I had told him a joke he had heard many times before. “Next barge carrying general good’s comin’ in 13 days. Til’ then you’re stuck on this berg.” My heart sank as I had enough money to last that period, but I was reluctant because of the lack of activities since I was technically a second-class citizen to the locals. The officer surely noticed my expression because he put his white pristine white glove on my shoulder and stated “I know it’s inconvenient son, but the locals don’t want nothin’ to do with the mainland less’ they can’t find it on the island. The only boats the locals own are small rowboats nd’ they only use em’ for haulin’ fish n’ firewood.” “Say…” he blurted “…I’ll bet you haven’t got a tour of the town yet. How’d you like a po-lice escort, son?” “Sure.” I relented “But how much of this dinky shantytown is there to tour?” I mentally scoffed. Instantly after I accepted his offer the officer turned 180 degrees and began rigidly marching down the street opposite of the bar. The thick fog gave the officer a strange appearance, his dark figure seemed to push the fog to his side while my thin frame was seemingly consumed by the syrupy haze. The officer suddenly stopped and clicked his polished shoes together to face the second-best kept building I’d seen “This’s the general store, here’s where most of the goods from the barge go.” “Finally!” I thought “I don’t have to go to that dingy bar to get food and drink. I thought I’d never find a store here.” The officer began to say something, but I was only interested in the small wooden shelves freshly stocked with ample instant food that only requires water, seasoning shakers, various tools, and various fishing gear and accessories. I grabbed a small paper bag and filled it with instant food and some bottled water. However, the cashier stopped totaling my items when I opened my wallet and took out a couple of 5-dollar bills. “Sir you don’t have enough capital for your items.” the man groaned “You need more than ten dollars for some lousy instant food and bottled water?” I griped. The man started to respond but closed his mouth as I felt a familiar feeling on my shoulder. I turned to see the officer with a small but smug grin on his face “We don’t accept continental cash here son.” he ribbed. I then noticed both men had small canvas sacks attached to their belts, the officer removed his and took out a few slimy segments of what looked like fish scales. “I’ll pay for your food this time ‘round, but we don’t use no paper money with nobody but the barge captain.” The cashier shot the officer a quick grin, but his expression changed to a scowl when he returned my bag of items. As I walked down the creaky wooden steps the officer snickered “I was tryin’ to tell you we ain’t got any use for mainland cash, do us both a favor and let me finish next time.” Embarrassed and agitated by how obsolete my savings were in this backwater I simply nodded my head at the officer and dreaded having to return to the Inn and be confronted about my useless money. The officer continued his foggy march through the town showing me the town hall, small woodworking shop, and finally a cramped post office. As both of us exited the building I noticed that the rain that had only been a drizzle earlier was beginning to intensify. The officer turned to me and said “That’s it for the important places here. Now if you want me to show you a good place to see the beauty of this here island, we can make it there and back before the rain gets too heavy if you wanna take a gander.” Not caring about either the rain or how much time it took I agreed to follow him once more. As usual, he began marching up the cobbled streets, but when we reached the end of the road he didn’t break stride for a moment despite the unruly grass and bumpy terrain. We eventually reached and traversed an outlandishly symmetrical plateau. The top of the highland was shaped like a hexagon. When I averted my gaze from the odd highland I was greeted with the serene sight of the watery center of the atoll and the distant curve of the rest of the island. As both of us gazed in silence I made out what looked to be a protruding rock face with a dark yawning maw. As I looked closer I could see what looked like a line of figures filing into the mouth of the cavern. My trance was cut short by the policeman nudging me and pointing to the center of the band “That water there goes down deeper than any man could ever go. Locals go out and catch fish there, folk say that the deeper you go the bigger the catch.” The man then mumbled something to himself that was near indecipherable from what I heard it sounded like he mentioned something called “The Deep Sleeper”. He then turned to me as if he had said nothing at all and yapped “Whelp! We best get back ‘afore the storm gets nasty.” On the way back through town the officer did not march confidently as he had previously, he continuously turned his head to look at me until we reached the Inn as if he were looking at my expression to determine whether or not I had heard his preceding utterance. “Hope you had a hoot on the tour! Come by the town hall if anything’s troubling you. The locals may not acknowledge you, but just know I’m here night r’ day if need be.” he insisted. “Thank you officer…” “Name’s Tate, just give me a holler if you need anythin’” he jovially repeated. As Officer Tate departed, he resumed his austere march, not once looking back or breaking his stride until he disappeared from my sight.
My body fluttered as I left the cold streets and entered the toasty lobby. Instead of a vacant front desk, Ida was reading quietly at the end of the room. I strode to the desk to apologize for using outmoded currency, but instead of anger the senior matriarch gave a warm smile and politely said “The locals may use those stupid scales, but I still use mainland currency because that barge not only brings patrons but supplies to keep my Inn in the sterling condition it’s in now. You don’t need to worry about those gross scales here young man.” Relief washed over me as I thanked her profusely as I lumbered up the stairs with my groceries.
When I finally locked my room door I was ready to sleep some time in this dingy town away. Soon after I killed the lights I was enveloped in the thick curtain of sleep. I was awoken this time not by a nightmare, but by the sound of a door being continuously pounded on. At first, I groggily wrapped my pillow around my ears, but the pounding didn’t stop so I shifted out of bed and into my shoes. The blows were growing in intensity to the point where I believed that the entire door would break. As I cleaned out my sleepy eyes I listened for the sound of Ida, hoping that she would rebuke the antagonist, but the beating continued uninterrupted. Now irritated with being awoken by some instigator I swung my door open to catch the aggressor by surprise, but there was not a person in sight. I paced the length of the hall and every door was locked and the hall was barren of life. The more I thought about the situation the more irate I became, I stormed back into my room closing the door and went to sit on my bed, but as soon as my door was shut the pounding came back in full force, but this time the sound had switched locations. The unit next to me was shaking with the thundering boom from the sheer force of the blows. My body began to tense in anger as I whirled around to my door and again threw it open to find no life or unlocked doors. Thoroughly enraged, I walked to the sink to cool down. As I was splashing water on my face my blood began to boil as the booming sound was now coming from my door. I slowly crept to the threshold readying myself for a possible fight with some punk, but before I opened the door I decided to look through the peephole. However, as I focused my eye I could only see pitch blackness as if the hole were being covered, so I threw the door open with more force than I’ve ever mustered only to be greeted with cold murky darkness.
My stomach felt like a deflating balloon as I recognized the echoing drips of water hitting the cavern floor. I held my breath waiting for the same depraved creature to begin its horrid patrol, but the creature did not come. My eyes soon adjusted to the darkness enough that I could see outlines of the cold stone bulwark, as I felt my way along the icy walls my foot kicked a small metal object. I slowly moved down to pick up what I had kicked, the object was a metal cylinder with a small rubber button on one end “A flashlight!” my brain exclaimed. With the click of a button, the dingy cave was bathed in a radiant glow. The cave was adjoined to what seemed to be my Inn room, out of curiosity I pulled the curtains in the room and was met with cold stone on the other side of the double window. Dejected, I scanned the cave for any sign of an opening. As I walked out of the room, I spotted a small dried bloodstain nearly two meters from a small stalagmite. There was no explanation other than the inane theory that not only are my nightmares connected but that these bizarre occurrences are in some way rooted in reality. The very thought made my brain begin to pirouette in blighting befuddlement, I could not stand to come to terms with such an absurd reality lest I lose my mind. As my flashlight shone on a far wall, I could see an exit from this godforsaken room, but as I approached the outlet I noticed the frame of the exit had chiseled petroglyphs of three heads. There were two heads on each support of the exit; at the lowest point was a glyph of a man, above him was a glyph of the pale oddity I encountered the night before, but at the top of the frame held by the beams was a carving of a giant beast with tendrils preceding its mouth and a cephalopod shaped head. The very sight of the squid-like beast chilled my very bones causing me to shudder like an abject recreant, but as promptly as I averted my eyes the feeling subsided. I recommenced my trek through the dank tunnels discerning only the sounds of rocks I dislocated ricocheting off the floor, every few minutes I’d hear mortified screams echo off the ceiling for it only to be met with primal bellowing and eventual silence, and the ever-rhythmic oozing of freezing water from all directions. The dreary grotto seemed to impede the constancy of time itself as I found myself endlessly wandering through dead end after dead end, destroyed refuge after destroyed refuge. I began to wonder as more and more unknown amounts of time passed what about eating and drinking? I had to have been in the hole for more than 6 hours, but I never felt the sharp pang of hunger, the slow parching of dehydration, nor the burn of muscle fatigue. After plenty of trial and error, I came to a fork in the path, as I looked to the right my gag reflex triggered as I heard gut-wrenching screams for mercy followed by frenzied wailing saw the floor was caked with dry blood and littered with bones from all parts of the human body and with one cursory smell I was inundated with the stench of decay. The path to the left was clear of any debris, and I could see a dim light illuminate the cave wall farther down the path. As I walked down the path I could feel frigid goosebumps radiate from my neck to my toes, my very eupnea felt like ice in my lungs, and yet my breath remained unseen. When I came near the light on the cave wall I peered my head around the corner only to see a stone brazier lit with a flame as blue as the depths of the sea itself. The flame burnt endlessly without tinder or fuel of any kind, I tried to warm myself with this fire, but as I drew nearer my blood grew colder and my body quivered more fiercely. I was astonished by this simple defiance of my fickle reality.
I kept walking the path, distancing myself from each brazier as much as possible, but after passing the fifth brazier I could hear distant voices echoing off the walls, but I couldn’t decipher the muted murmurs that reverberated from wall to wall. As I grew closer to the voices I desperately wished to call for help, but those thoughts were admonished with the searing reminiscence of the path I repudiated. Would I be dismembered and picked clean if I so much as alerted one of the inhabitants? I wasn’t going to take that incurable risk, as I drew closer to the speaking figures, I could clearly hear what they said, but they spoke in a guttural consonant laden tongue that was not the least bit decipherable. I peered around the corner to see two men in black tattered cloaks standing on either side of one of the braziers chanting continuously. I watched curiously as the men looked to be in a trance of some sort, but the men suddenly rolled up their sleeves to reveal countless laceration scars some healed, others infected, and some fresh. As I was gawking at their many skin carvings both men unsheathed otherworldly daggers that measured about 20 centimeters, my stomach tensed as I watched them dig the blades into their wrists and hew down to their elbows. The men didn’t cry out in pain or even grimace as they tilted their lacerated arms into the bowl of the brazier, and as their blood cascaded into the bowl the men continued their chants. Suddenly the fire in the bowl changed into water, but still moved as if it were scorching flame. The men then submerged their lacerated arms into the water and affixed their forearms, after doing this the men started to cry out in ecstasy. Following this, the men removed their arms from the bowl and began to stumble about with their eyes rolled back in unmitigated euphoria. In mere seconds the men were slouched against the wall, made comatose by otherworldly bliss. As the second man closed his eyes I crept past, warily navigating the twisting stone tunnels I stumbled across scores of hooded figures who took part in the same macabre ceremony all splayed on the floor arms still spurting sticky pools of blood.
After the twentieth duo of masochistic freaks, I stumbled upon a massive clearing adorned with stone statues of the hideous winged cephalopod deity fraught with hooded figures, each was wearing wooden ceremonial masks fashioned to please the grotesque cephalopod creature. These cultists knelt around an ominous black obelisk that was pulsating gleaming energy seemingly due to their worship. Looking beyond the cultists I could see mighty pillars of white-hot lightning mirroring off the water’s surface that flowed from the center of the atoll, I’d have to cross the entire stone mezzanine and exit down a slab of stairs. As I began navigating my way toward the back of the cave, I grimaced at the mere audition of these chanting to their god in unholy unison. As I crossed the mezzanine directly behind the cultists, I noticed that this sect of mutants were the same humanoid beasts from my previous calamity, none of the figures wore shoes and their feet were also densely webbed. I knew I had to move quickly and carefully if I wanted to keep my skin as I approached the top of the staircase, I took a deep breath and began to surge down the stairs. I made it nearly halfway down before I heard a gut-wrenching wail coming from the depraved mutants below. I began to descend faster as most of the masked mutants didn’t move a muscle, but those who did began howling like tortured animals toward me. As soon as I hit the last stair I broke into a sprint for the mouth of the cave, but as I darted past the depraved creatures, I felt the ground begin to rattle and fissure, while the walls and ceilings begin to collapse upon. There was no time to waste in escaping from the depraved followers, I could hear their psychotic babbling as if they were close enough for a ride on my back. I felt the adrenaline numbing my every stride as I reached the edge of the cave’s gaping aperture and dove into the cloudy waves. Never had such cold and bemired water felt so liberating or invigorating, but even as I fled I could feel tremors rattling the very depths of the island. I slowly clambered out of the water to try and gather my bearings, but as I glanced upward I saw portentous black clouds fiercely merging into a whirling waterspout over the atoll’s center. The very earth beneath me rifted into fragments of dust infertile dust, cragged walls of lighting were hurled from the sky to destroy the wildlife, and in the distance, a tidal wave the size of the island came raging toward the island. As I lay in the grass I gazed at the waterspout, but as time passed the waterspout went from gargantuan to dwarf. But as the waterspout halted I witnessed a bulbous mass of gray flesh begin to rise from the water, I could feel an icy chill in each of my atoms as I watched the protracted tendrils rise from the murky depths. The cephalopod horror seemed disappointed that he had been freed to erase such a pathetic race of shallow mortals, and yet when its blistering red gaze met mine my lucid psyche howled in sanity searing anguish as I beheld The Deep One reclaiming its celestial cathedra as the harbinger, the lone horseman of mind-bending Armageddon. As the tidal wave drew fatally close to the island I took a deep breath of salty ocean air and closed my eyes accepting my fate. Just as I heard the wave make landfall I jolted awake and gasping for air in a deluge of my own sweat.
submitted by oofboi2002 to Scary [link] [comments]


2020.09.28 19:00 Altruistic_Camel While Housing Roars, Other Parts Of The Economy Not So Much

Center State Bank (dated 25 September)




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2020.09.28 18:14 omnificunderachiever Some of the more challenging words (and definitions) from Deadwood

At some point while watching the series I started looking up the words I didn't know or whose usage I wasn't familiar with. I'm sharing the resulting list of 56 words here should any of you cocksuckers find it useful. It's in reverse-chronological order (i.e., season 1 at the bottom).
simoom səˈmo͞om (also simoon -ˈmo͞on ) noun a hot, dry, dust-laden wind blowing in the desert, especially in Arabia.
unguent ˈəNGɡwənt noun a soft greasy or viscous substance used as ointment or for lubrication.
vapid ˈvapəd adjective offering nothing that is stimulating or challenging: tuneful but vapid musical comedies.
pinchbeck ˈpin(t)SHbek adjective appearing valuable, but actually cheap or tawdry.
depredation ˌdeprəˈdāSHən noun (usually depredations) an act of attacking or plundering: protecting grain from the depredations of rats and mice.
eventuate əˈven(t)SHəˌwāt verb [no object] formal occur as a result: you never know what might eventuate. (eventuate in) lead to as a result: circumstances that eventuate in crime.
janissary ˈjanəˌserē (alsojanizary -ˌzerē ) noun (plural janissaries) historical a member of the Turkish infantry forming the Sultan's guard between the 14th and 19th centuries. a devoted follower or supporter.
decorous ˈdekərəs adjective in keeping with good taste and propriety; polite and restrained: dancing with decorous space between partners.
arrant ˈerənt adjective [attributive] dated complete, utter: what arrant nonsense!
accede əkˈsēd verb [no object] formal 1 assent or agree to a demand, request, or treaty: the authorities did not accede to the strikers' demands. 2 assume an office or position: he acceded to the post of director in September. become a member of a community or organization: Albania acceded to the IMF in 1990.
exigency ˈeksəjənsē, eɡˈzijənsē noun (plural exigencies) an urgent need or demand: women worked long hours when the exigencies of the family economy demanded it he put financial exigency before personal sentiment.
fastidious faˈstidēəs adjective very attentive to and concerned about accuracy and detail: he chooses his words with fastidious care. very concerned about matters of cleanliness: the child seemed fastidious about getting her fingers sticky or dirty.
proscribe prōˈskrīb verb [with object] forbid, especially by law: strikes remained proscribed in the armed forces. denounce or condemn: certain practices that the Catholic Church proscribed, such as polygyny.
impertinent imˈpərtnənt adjective 1 not showing proper respect; rude: an impertinent question. 2 formal not pertinent to a particular matter; irrelevant: talk of “rhetoric” and “strategy” is impertinent to this process.
jocund ˈjäkənd, ˈjōkənd adjective formal cheerful and lighthearted: a jocund wedding party.
guffaw ɡəˈfô noun a loud and boisterous laugh.
cogent ˈkōjənt adjective (of an argument or case) clear, logical, and convincing: they put forward cogentarguments for British membership the newspaper's lawyers must prepare a cogent appeal.
miasm ˈmīˌazəm, ˈmē- noun (in homeopathy) any of the three underlying chronic diseases that afflict humankind: sycosis, syphilis, and psora.
turpitude ˈtərpəˌt(y)o͞od noun formal depravity; wickedness: acts of moral turpitude.
gunsel ˈɡən(t)səl noun US informal a criminal carrying a gun.
vogue vōɡ noun [usually in singular] the prevailing fashion or style at a particular time: the vogue is to make realistic films. general acceptance or favor; popularity: the 1920s and 30s, when art deco was much in vogue.
lanceolate ˈlansēələt, ˈlansēəˌlāt adjective technical shaped like the head of a lance; of a narrow oval shape tapering to a point at each end: the leaves are lanceolate.
gainsay ˌɡānˈsā verb (past and past participle gainsaid) [with object and negative] formal deny or contradict (a fact or statement): the impact of the railroads cannot be gainsaid. speak against or oppose (someone): none could gainsay her.
counterpoise ˈkoun(t)ərˌpoiz noun a factor, force, or influence that balances or neutralizes another: they see the power of Brussels as a counterpoise to that of London money is a good counterpoise to beauty. a counterbalancing weight. a state of equilibrium: the building stands in counterpoise to a Roman temple.
dissemble dəˈsembəl verb [no object] conceal one's true motives, feelings, or beliefs: an honest, sincere person with no need to dissemble. [with object] disguise or conceal (a feeling or intention): she smiled, dissembling her true emotion.
discomfit disˈkəmfət verb (discomfits, discomfiting, discomfited) [with object] make (someone) feel uneasy or embarrassed: he was not noticeably discomfited by her tone.
alack əˈlak (also alack-a-day) exclamation archaic an expression of regret or dismay. Alack for me!
atrabilious ˌatrəˈbilyəs adjective literary melancholy or ill-tempered: an atrabilious old man.
forbearance fôrˈberəns, fərˈberəns noun patient self-control; restraint and tolerance: forbearance from taking action. Law the action of refraining from exercising a legal right, especially enforcing the payment of a debt.
cinder ˈsindər noun a small piece of partly burned coal or wood that has stopped giving off flames but still has combustible matter in it.
rake2 rāk noun dated a fashionable or wealthy man of dissolute or promiscuous habits: a merry Restoration rake.
capon ˈkāˌpän, ˈkāˌpən noun a castrated male chicken fattened for eating.
labile ˈlāˌbīl, ˈlābəl adjective technical liable to change; easily altered: persons whose blood pressure is more labile will carry an enhanced risk of heart attack we may be the most labile culture in all history. of or characterized by emotions that are easily aroused or freely expressed, and that tend to alter quickly and spontaneously; emotionally unstable: mood seemed generally appropriate, but the patient was often labile.
beard ˈbird verb [with object] boldly confront or challenge (someone formidable): he was afraid to beard the sultan himself.
forbear fərˈber, fôrˈber verb (past forbore; past participle forborne) [no object] politely or patiently restrain an impulse to do something; refrain: [with infinitive] : he modestly forbears to include his own work the boy forbore from touching anything. [with object] refrain from doing or using (something): Rebecca could not forbear a smile.
exaction iɡˈzakSHən noun formal the action of demanding and obtaining something from someone, especially a payment or service: he supervised the exaction of tolls at various ports. a sum of money demanded for a payment or service: the billions flow in through 28 taxes and countless smaller exactions.
prerogative prəˈräɡədiv noun a right or privilege exclusive to a particular individual or class: owning an automobile was still the prerogative of the rich.
in extremis ˌin ikˈstrāmis, ˌin ikˈstrēmis adverb in an extremely difficult situation: they suddenly find themselves in extremis 20 miles out to sea.
protraction prəˈtrakSH(ə)n noun 1 the action of prolonging something or the state of being prolonged: the protraction of the war.
remit rəˈmit [with object] verb (remits, remitting, remitted) 1 cancel or refrain from exacting or inflicting (a debt or punishment): the excess of the sentence over 12 months was remitted.
dissemble dəˈsembəl verb [no object] conceal one's true motives, feelings, or beliefs: an honest, sincere person with no need to dissemble. [with object] disguise or conceal (a feeling or intention): she smiled, dissembling her true emotion.
hustings ˈhəstiNGz noun (plural same) a meeting at which candidates in an election address potential voters: he could hold his own in an election hustings Mrs. Jones organized two public hustings. the campaigning associated with an election: a formidable political operator at his best on the hustings.
rasher ˈraSHər noun a thin slice of bacon: two rashers of lean bacon he cut into one of the rashers on his plate.
collation kəˈlāSHən noun 2 formal a light informal meal: lunch was a collation of salami, olives, and rye bread a cold collation.
repast rəˈpast, rēˈpast noun formal a meal: a sumptuous repast.
rebuke rəˈbyo͞ok verb [with object] express sharp disapproval or criticism of (someone) because of their behavior or actions: she had rebuked him for drinking too much the judge publicly rebuked the jury. noun an expression of sharp disapproval or criticism: he hadn't meant it as a rebuke, but Neil flinched.
confound kənˈfound verb [with object] 1 cause surprise or confusion in (someone), especially by acting against their expectations: the inflation figure confounded economic analysts. prove (a theory, expectation, or prediction) wrong: the rise in prices confounded expectations. defeat (a plan, aim, or hope): we will confound these tactics by the pressure groups.
ruddy ˈrədē adjective (ruddier, ruddiest) 1 (of a person's face) having a healthy red color: a cheerful pipe-smoking man of ruddy complexion.
fettle ˈfedl noun condition: the aircraft remains in fine fettle.
fatuous ˈfaCHo͞oəs adjective silly and pointless: a fatuous comment.
rend rend verb (past and past participle rent rent ) [with object] tear (something) into two or more pieces: snapping teeth that would rend human flesh to shreds figurative : the speculation and confusion that was rending the civilized world.
offal ˈôfəl, ˈäfəl noun the entrails and internal organs of an animal used as food
venal ˈvēnl adjective showing or motivated by susceptibility to bribery: their generosity had been at least partly venal why should these venal politicians care how they are rated?
blinker ˈbliNGkər verb [with object] put blinders on (a horse). cause (someone) to have a narrow or limited outlook on a situation: college education blinkers researchers so that they see poverty in terms of their own specialization.
august ôˈɡəst adjective respected and impressive: she was in august company.

EDIT (additional submissions provided by commenters):
reconnoiter ˌrēkəˈnoidər, ˌrekəˈnoidər (British reconnoitre) verb [with object] make a military observation of (a region): they reconnoitered the beach some weeks before the landing [no object] : the raiders were reconnoitering for further attacks.
aspersion əˈspərZHən, aˈspərSHən noun (usually aspersions) an attack on the reputation or integrity of someone or something: I don't thinkanyone is casting aspersions on you.
gleet ɡlēt noun Medicine a watery discharge from the urethra caused by gonorrheal infection.
ambulatory ˈambyələˌtôrē adjective relating to or adapted for walking: continuous ambulatory dialysis five similar pairs of ambulatory legs.
faro ˈferō noun a gambling card game in which players bet on the order in which the cards will appear.
bivouac ˈbivo͞oˌak noun a temporary camp without tents or cover, used especially by soldiers or mountaineers. verb [no object] (bivouacked, bivouacking) stay in a temporary camp without cover: he'd bivouacked on the north side of the town the battalion was now bivouacked in a field.
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2020.09.28 15:35 HagerEKU [US-KY] [H] Huge list of POPs [W] Paypal

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2020.09.28 08:07 TheRealTitleist Just adopted what I believe to be a gorgeous heeler husky

Wall of text warning.
 
I just adopted what I strongly believe to be a red heeler husky mix, approx 10mo old. In my research I have found that these dogs are energetic, intelligent, stubborn and bond strongly with their people. I've had this pup home for a few days and naturally have encountered some challenges, none of which I think are impassable. As she was a shelter dog I completely expect this and have already started working through the issues. I'd welcome some input from others with cattle dog or heeler husky's at home. My last two dogs were a pure bread black lab and some kind of pitty / GSD mix, both of which were amazing dogs who enriched more than a decade of my life. The both passed away within the last 12 months.
  Her background: This little fur terrorist came from a shelter in Georgia where she was picked up as a stray. She is about 30 lbs and was recently spayed. So far she is fantastic with other dogs, probably the best I've seen over a lifetime of owning dogs. She is not scared and offers her backside to other dogs while showing more patience than I would expect. I assume her time in shelters has help foster this. In a fenced in environment she enjoys her zoomies, and while we are limiting those so she can heal, we're trying to make sure she is tired out for training encounters. She so sweet - so so sweet and loves pets and cuddles. She shows no signs of food or toy aggression, nor resource protection. She does show SLIGHT separation issues, so we are breaking up activities across family members to help her bond evenly and not connect with only one person (likely me).
 
The issues: I think the bulk of her life she spent in shelters, so the idea of going potty outside is not really on her radar. The first few days she would only eliminate inside - not a fan, but who is. On day 3 she was did pee outside on grass and poop in the garage (not ideal).
Here is maybe the unpopular part - I'm a firm believer that a dog and family should be compatible - I want to make sure we have the time needed to train and enrich this pups life, and if this isn't us we need to get her back to the shelter ASAP so she can connect with that family. If she needs 24/7 care for the next 2 years, this is not something I can offer her so I want to make sure the fitment is there. Sadly many shelters don't offer more than a 10 min meet/greet at the shelter to help determine this. I should also offer that my father is training professional with 45+ years of experience and he's helped formed our management plan to date.
 
Management plan so far: Most important things so far are really rewarding her when she goes potty outside - we throw her a damn parade and treat her with high value hot dogs when she eliminates outside. We make it a big deal. When she has an accident inside we try to get her outside quickly (but she does not seem to finish) but also don't scold her. We clean it up and move on. Any solid waste we place in the back yard where she will end up going potty, same with any rags we use to clean up pee. The hope is the smell will help teach here that this is the potty place. We have also used some synthetic scents to encourage her - I think she's too smart for that.
We are working on crate training her, so far it seems to be coming along. She eats meals in her cage and does not seem to be afraid. I got her into the cage and took a 45 min walk - when I came back she was laying down. Once she stopped whining I let her out, but did not make a big deal of it. The hope is we can get her comfortable for 4 hours in the crate so we can be at work.
She did poop in the garage (again, not ideal) and we attribute that to most of her life in shelters where the runs are cement. We can work with that and will ween her to the yard.
 
The hopes and dreams: First and foremost, she needs to understand that outside is potty place. I'm willing to address other behavior issues over a longer period of time but not potty stuff especially with the management plan we have. As a homeowner, that is paramount for me. I'm just being honest but get lots of shame based on that. I would love to engage in either agility or dock diving with this dog to fulfill her drive for stimulation and activity. I've had about a dozen dogs in my life and she may be the fastest pup I've ever seen. That coupled with her intelligence I think may lend itself to agility work. My last two dogs were amazing pups but lacked the intelligence for this kind of work.
 
Thank you for reading: In closing I'll say this - I'm a dog person and I love them like crazy. I hope you take this post as a sincere desire to make this little fur terrorist a family member. I won't accept or encourage bad behavior at that expense however. This new pup is super sweet and I love her fluffy face but I want to make sure she is a fit for us and vice versa. I've outlined my specific issues and my management plan, and I would love to hear suggestions and feedback on it. If you have read this far, I value your input. I'm betting I've left out things, so please ask questions before you assume. I'm happy to respond. Thank you!
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2020.09.28 08:07 romanticdumbasshoe i fell for a cam model

Good evening everyone,
I just wanted to reach out. I fell for a cam model on a site and the site doesn't matter. He was a month in when we met and he was so awkward. We had a few sessions and it was hot. But we started chatting alot. He was a nerd like me but he was beautiful. We talked for weeks. Then I gave him my private info. We talked in instagram and I offered to send him money for a meal, uber, etc....We did it over paypal. It totaled $300 in the course of a month. When we were in his chat room he literally talked to me and ignored everyone else. Even the big spenders. Other guests literally came after me. We talked about everything. Anime, cartoons, skits, dumb jokes, his family life, my life. He said I was funny and I tried hard every night to make him laugh. When we first started talking outside of the site, he was responsive and I never sent alot of money it was like 20 or 30 bucks at a time and it would only be when I noticed that he waited for the bus too long or did not get lunch so I sent him money for uber eats. We video chat, sent, pictures, told jokes, etc...It was fun and I FELL FOR HIM HARD AF. I have had 1 relationship and I identify as cis gender gay and I have never hook up unless you count 2 bad hand job. NO oral No anal. I know I'm a UNICORN even among gays. SO anyways he told me he had a girl friend in high school but earlier this year he fucked a guy and liked it. He identified as bisexual---but i notice that most of the model on cam site say they are bisexual even if they are straight AF better for business. Lots of red flags through out the whole thing. Anyways, the problem started when his studio where he works asked him to join another site that is more demanding but he makes much more there. WHEN, he started this site, he did not tell me and our communication deteriorated. He didn't even tell me the site. I had to find him. When ever I try to send him money, he always ask me to not send too much. I did buy him some gifts, shoes, underwear, etc, little trinkets, and omeprazole, and sent it to him. AT, this new site, he cannot jst talk to one person because there's like 80-90 people in the chat room at a time and the connnection and conversation that we had just faded and I got really scared because I haven't made a connection w/ a guy in 4 years. I have heard it all- he's a cam model .. it's his job to make you want him. Anyways, I tried to break it off a few times but he stats that he does not want to lose our connection and I was soft hearted. And I kept it going but THERE ARE ALOT OF RED FLAGS.
1.) HE'S HOT AF BUT TELLS ME THAT HE DOES NOT DATE OR HAVE A WIFE/ BF/ GF
2.) HE'S GIVEN ME HIS REAL NAME, PHONE NUMBER, AND ADDRESS; HOWEVER, I TESTED HIM AND IT RAISED SUSPICION, I TRIED SENDING MONEY THROUGH XOOM WHICH REQUIRED UR NAME AND ADDRESS TO MATCH UR ID. I TOLD HIM THIS AND HE TOLD ME TO HOLD OFF
3.) HE MAKES A FEW THOUSAND EVERY TWO WEEKS- ACCORDING TO HIM., HE MAKES MORE THAN I DO BUT WHO DOESN'T WANT FREE MONEY
4.)I USE TO SEND MONEY VIA PAYPAL BUT IT WAS NOT "HIS" ACCOUNT WHICH HE LATER SAID IT'S HIS BROTHER BUT AT FIRST HE SAID IT WAS HIS ACCOUNT. HE'S AFRAID TO USE HIS BC IF THE STUDIO FINDS OUT HE WOULD BREAK THEIR TERMS CONTRACT AND BE SUBJECT TO TERMINATION
5.) HE SAID HE ENJOYS TALKING TO ME BUT NEVER CALLS WHEN HE'S AT HOME EXCEPT FOR 2 TIMES- ONCE WE TALKED FOR 4 HRS AND ONCE FOR 1 1/2 HOURS. IM THINKING IF HE DID NOT LIKE ME....WAS HE JUST PLAYING THE PART. ALSO, NOT TALKING WHEN HE'S AT HOME MAKES ME THINK HE IS TRYING TO HIDE SOMETHING. WIFE, GF, ORGAN FARM
6.) HE CALLS ME BEFORE WORK SOMETIMES AND MSG ME WHEN HE'S IN THE UBER OR BUS BUT IT'S BARELY A FEW MINUTES A DAY

7.)HE SAID HE DOES NOT KNOW 'HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ME' AND STATES THAT HE FEELS NUMB FROM SOME TRAUMA IN HS - HE DID NOT ELABORATE. HE STATES THAT HE LIKES TO TALK TO ME AND WE HAVE A CONNECTION--- HE FEELS SOMETHING BUT HE'S NOT SURE WHAT

8.) I WENT OFF ON HIM A FEW (8-10) TIMES AND DID EXCESSIVE CALLS AND MSGS----MOST NORMAL GUYS WOULD BLOCK ME OR RUN AWAY SO I AM SUSPICIOUS OF THE FACT THAT HE'S STILL HERE

9.)I SAW SOME PRIVATE CHATS THAT HE DID WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND HE LITERALLY USED SOME OF THE SAME PICK UP LINES ON QUITE A FEW OF THEM 'SOMETIMES LOVE JUST AHPPENS AND I FEEL LIKE WE HAVE THIS CONNECTION IM SOO HAPPY U CAME INTO MY LIFE I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE MET U.....' THAT SHIT WORKED ON ME AND I KNEW BETTER.....I CONFRONTED HIM AND HE DENIED USING PEOPLE UNTIL I FORCED HIM TO ADMIT IT-----HE SAID HE DOES NOT LIKE THAT WORD BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM FEEL BAD ABOUT WAHT HE DOES. I TOLD HIM I DON'T CARE IF ITS WORK BUT I NEED TO KNOW HE'S NOT PLAYING ME AND WAS SERIOUS ABOUT ME. ATTRACTIVENESS HE'S A 9 AND I AM A 5 WORKING MY WAY TOWARDS 7
10.) HE SAID I AM THE ONLY ONE HE TALKS TO ON INSTA-----WELL OUTSIDE OF WORK PERIOD...BUT THERE ARE TIMES I CATCH HIM ON INSTA AND MY MSGS IS SEEN BUT HE DOES NOT REPLY. MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY...

11.) AT ONE POINT I SAID THAT I WONT DO PAYPAL ANYMROE B/C I DID NOT WNA TO BE HIS SUGAR DADDY AND I APOLOGIZED FOR INSULTING HIM AND HIS INDEPENDEDNCE WHEN I SENT THE ORIGINAL MONEY. HE TOLD ME THAT IT WLAL WENT INTO HIS BROTHER ACCOUNT AND HE GAVE IT ALL TO HIS BROTHER. ALL $300 THATSA LOT. i DID TRY TO DO A PAYPAL DISPUTE FOR $100 while we HAD A FIGHT. IT FAILED BC PAYPAL SUCK.....HE THEN MADE A COMMENT ABOUT "GIVING BACK THE $100 BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW" AND I SHOULD TRY TO GET IT BACK IF I CAN.....THAT MAKES ME THINK HE KNOW ABOUT THE DISPUTE AND WAS MOCKING ME

12.) YESTERDAY I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE XOOM AND ME WANTING TO SEND HIM MORE MONEY AND HIS TONE AND DEMEANOR CHANGED. HE DID NOT RUSH ME OFF THE MORNING CALL. HE SHARED WORK INSECURITIES AND HOW IT WAS TOO MUCH PRESSURE......THE DAY BEFORE I ALSO BACKED OFF ON CALLING AND MESSAGING ADN APOLOGZIE FOR GOING OVERBoard. i do not think hsi perspective can change so quickly IN ONE DAY. IT WAS HERE THAT I KNOW HE WAS USING ME......HE WAS SO SWEET AND ACCOMODATING WHEN MONEY CAME BACK INTO THE CONVERSATION IT WAS THE SAME SWEETNESS WHEN HE FIRST GAAVE ME HIS PAYPAL........BUT HE TALKS TO ME NORMALLY EVEN WHEN I DONT SEND HIM ANYTHING.....SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK...WELL I DO. I DO NOT WANT TO ADMIT THAT HE'S USING ME....WHAT'S WORST......EVEN IF HE TELLS ME THAT HE'S USING ME I WANT TO DEFINE THE TERMS AND CONTINUE THIS FANTASY
13.) HE PAINTS THIS PICTURE OF AN INNOCENT FARM BOY TURNED CAM MODEL B/C OF CORONA AND NERD WHO WORKS HARD AND LOVES HIS FAMILY-----I BOUGHT IT EVERY CM.....I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. WELL I DDO BUT I DON'T WANT TO CUT THINGS OF....


I LOVE HIM AND WANTS TO MARRY HIM. IT'S STUPID I KNOW. I ALSO THOUGHT ABOUT SENDING HIM MONEY WEEKLY SO HE DOES NOT HAVE TO WORK BUT HE KINDA LOVES BEING A CAM MODEL B/C HE MAKES SOOO MUCH. I WANT TO ASK YALLL ALL P[OWERFUL AND OMNISCIENT internet/reddit WHAT IS A THIRSTY SPRUNG HOE TO DO? If he's acting, it's impeccable. there are moments where im suspicious but there are times i also know he's REAL like WHEN HE WAS eating nutella at 2 am while talking to me about everything and nothing...... AND HE DID NOT SLEEP TILL 4 AM. BUT ALSO IS THE NAME ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER FAKE? DOES HE NOT TRUST ME? DOES IT FUCKING MATTER? I GET TO TALK TO HIM FOR LIKE MAYBE 15-20 MINS EVERY OTHER DAY HE SAID HE LIEKS ME BUT I FEEL LIKE HE DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR ME AND WHEN HE'S AT HOME OR ON HIS OFF DAYS HE NEVER CALLS OR MSGS.......WTF AM I? WHAT DO I DO? LIKE I THOUGHT ABOUT FLYING TO SO EUROPEAN SHITHOLE WHILE THERE'A BAN AND PANDEMIC WTF...................PLEASE TTHANKS FOR READING THIS IF U READ THE WHOLE THING. ANY Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Some one reprimand me and tell me that i'm stupid and that this needs to stop immediately. Some one tell me i should keep pursuing this and we can work out........................SOMEBODY TELL ME WAHT TO DO B/C I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. WHAT TO DO. I THINK ABOUT HIM ALL DADY AND I WORRY AND HAVE ANXIETY ATTACK WHEN I FEEL LIKE HE'S WITHDRAWING AND MIGHT CUT ME OUT FO HIS LIFE..........IM A FUCKING MESSSSSSSSSSS. I JUST WANTED TO CONFESS TO THE INTERNET. LET THE COMMENTS FLOW ADN AS ALWAYS NOT TODAY SATAN.
submitted by romanticdumbasshoe to depression [link] [comments]


2020.09.28 08:06 TheRealTitleist Just adopted what I believe to be a gorgeous heeler husky

Wall of text warning.
 
I just adopted what I strongly believe to be a red heeler husky mix, approx 10mo old. In my research I have found that these dogs are energetic, intelligent, stubborn and bond strongly with their people. I've had this pup home for a few days and naturally have encountered some challenges, none of which I think are impassable. As she was a shelter dog I completely expect this and have already started working through the issues. I'd welcome some input from others with cattle dog or heeler husky's at home. My last two dogs were a pure bread black lab and some kind of pitty / GSD mix, both of which were amazing dogs who enriched more than a decade of my life. The both passed away within the last 12 months.
  Her background: This little fur terrorist came from a shelter in Georgia where she was picked up as a stray. She is about 30 lbs and was recently spayed. So far she is fantastic with other dogs, probably the best I've seen over a lifetime of owning dogs. She is not scared and offers her backside to other dogs while showing more patience than I would expect. I assume her time in shelters has help foster this. In a fenced in environment she enjoys her zoomies, and while we are limiting those so she can heal, we're trying to make sure she is tired out for training encounters. She so sweet - so so sweet and loves pets and cuddles. She shows no signs of food or toy aggression, nor resource protection. She does show SLIGHT separation issues, so we are breaking up activities across family members to help her bond evenly and not connect with only one person (likely me).
 
The issues: I think the bulk of her life she spent in shelters, so the idea of going potty outside is not really on her radar. The first few days she would only eliminate inside - not a fan, but who is. On day 3 she was did pee outside on grass and poop in the garage (not ideal).
Here is maybe the unpopular part - I'm a firm believer that a dog and family should be compatible - I want to make sure we have the time needed to train and enrich this pups life, and if this isn't us we need to get her back to the shelter ASAP so she can connect with that family. If she needs 24/7 care for the next 2 years, this is not something I can offer her so I want to make sure the fitment is there. Sadly many shelters don't offer more than a 10 min meet/greet at the shelter to help determine this. I should also offer that my father is training professional with 45+ years of experience and he's helped formed our management plan to date.
 
Management plan so far: Most important things so far are really rewarding her when she goes potty outside - we throw her a damn parade and treat her with high value hot dogs when she eliminates outside. We make it a big deal. When she has an accident inside we try to get her outside quickly (but she does not seem to finish) but also don't scold her. We clean it up and move on. Any solid waste we place in the back yard where she will end up going potty, same with any rags we use to clean up pee. The hope is the smell will help teach here that this is the potty place. We have also used some synthetic scents to encourage her - I think she's too smart for that.
We are working on crate training her, so far it seems to be coming along. She eats meals in her cage and does not seem to be afraid. I got her into the cage and took a 45 min walk - when I came back she was laying down. Once she stopped whining I let her out, but did not make a big deal of it. The hope is we can get her comfortable for 4 hours in the crate so we can be at work.
She did poop in the garage (again, not ideal) and we attribute that to most of her life in shelters where the runs are cement. We can work with that and will ween her to the yard.
 
The hopes and dreams: First and foremost, she needs to understand that outside is potty place. I'm willing to address other behavior issues over a longer period of time but not potty stuff especially with the management plan we have. As a homeowner, that is paramount for me. I'm just being honest but get lots of shame based on that. I would love to engage in either agility or dock diving with this dog to fulfill her drive for stimulation and activity. I've had about a dozen dogs in my life and she may be the fastest pup I've ever seen. That coupled with her intelligence I think may lend itself to agility work. My last two dogs were amazing pups but lacked the intelligence for this kind of work.
 
Thank you for reading: In closing I'll say this - I'm a dog person and I love them like crazy. I hope you take this post as a sincere desire to make this little fur terrorist a family member. I won't accept or encourage bad behavior at that expense however. This new pup is super sweet and I love her fluffy face but I want to make sure she is a fit for us and vice versa. I've outlined my specific issues and my management plan, and I would love to hear suggestions and feedback on it. If you have read this far, I value your input. I'm betting I've left out things, so please ask questions before you assume. I'm happy to respond. Thank you!
submitted by TheRealTitleist to Dogtraining [link] [comments]


2020.09.28 07:49 romanticdumbasshoe So I FELL FOR A CAM MODEL AND WE TALKED OUTSIDE OF THE SITE

Good evening everyone,
I just wanted to reach out. I fell for a cam model on a site and the site doesn't matter. He was a month in when we met and he was so awkward. We had a few sessions and it was hot. But we started chatting alot. He was a nerd like me but he was beautiful. We talked for weeks. Then I gave him my private info. We talked in instagram and I offered to send him money for a meal, uber, etc....We did it over paypal. It totaled $300 in the course of a month. When we were in his chat room he literally talked to me and ignored everyone else. Even the big spenders. Other guests literally came after me. We talked about everything. Anime, cartoons, skits, dumb jokes, his family life, my life. He said I was funny and I tried hard every night to make him laugh. When we first started talking outside of the site, he was responsive and I never sent alot of money it was like 20 or 30 bucks at a time and it would only be when I noticed that he waited for the bus too long or did not get lunch so I sent him money for uber eats. We video chat, sent, pictures, told jokes, etc...It was fun and I FELL FOR HIM HARD AF. I have had 1 relationship and I identify as cis gender gay and I have never hook up unless you count 2 bad hand job. NO oral No anal. I know I'm a UNICORN even among gays. SO anyways he told me he had a girl friend in high school but earlier this year he fucked a guy and liked it. He identified as bisexual---but i notice that most of the model on cam site say they are bisexual even if they are straight AF better for business. Lots of red flags through out the whole thing. Anyways, the problem started when his studio where he works asked him to join another site that is more demanding but he makes much more there. WHEN, he started this site, he did not tell me and our communication deteriorated. He didn't even tell me the site. I had to find him. When ever I try to send him money, he always ask me to not send too much. I did buy him some gifts, shoes, underwear, etc, little trinkets, and omeprazole, and sent it to him. AT, this new site, he cannot jst talk to one person because there's like 80-90 people in the chat room at a time and the connnection and conversation that we had just faded and I got really scared because I haven't made a connection w/ a guy in 4 years. I have heard it all- he's a cam model .. it's his job to make you want him. Anyways, I tried to break it off a few times but he stats that he does not want to lose our connection and I was soft hearted. And I kept it going but THERE ARE ALOT OF RED FLAGS.
1.) HE'S HOT AF BUT TELLS ME THAT HE DOES NOT DATE OR HAVE A WIFE/ BF/ GF
2.) HE'S GIVEN ME HIS REAL NAME, PHONE NUMBER, AND ADDRESS; HOWEVER, I TESTED HIM AND IT RAISED SUSPICION, I TRIED SENDING MONEY THROUGH XOOM WHICH REQUIRED UR NAME AND ADDRESS TO MATCH UR ID. I TOLD HIM THIS AND HE TOLD ME TO HOLD OFF
3.) HE MAKES A FEW THOUSAND EVERY TWO WEEKS- ACCORDING TO HIM., HE MAKES MORE THAN I DO BUT WHO DOESN'T WANT FREE MONEY
4.)I USE TO SEND MONEY VIA PAYPAL BUT IT WAS NOT "HIS" ACCOUNT WHICH HE LATER SAID IT'S HIS BROTHER BUT AT FIRST HE SAID IT WAS HIS ACCOUNT. HE'S AFRAID TO USE HIS BC IF THE STUDIO FINDS OUT HE WOULD BREAK THEIR TERMS CONTRACT AND BE SUBJECT TO TERMINATION
5.) HE SAID HE ENJOYS TALKING TO ME BUT NEVER CALLS WHEN HE'S AT HOME EXCEPT FOR 2 TIMES- ONCE WE TALKED FOR 4 HRS AND ONCE FOR 1 1/2 HOURS. IM THINKING IF HE DID NOT LIKE ME....WAS HE JUST PLAYING THE PART. ALSO, NOT TALKING WHEN HE'S AT HOME MAKES ME THINK HE IS TRYING TO HIDE SOMETHING. WIFE, GF, ORGAN FARM
6.) HE CALLS ME BEFORE WORK SOMETIMES AND MSG ME WHEN HE'S IN THE UBER OR BUS BUT IT'S BARELY A FEW MINUTES A DAY

7.)HE SAID HE DOES NOT KNOW 'HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ME' AND STATES THAT HE FEELS NUMB FROM SOME TRAUMA IN HS - HE DID NOT ELABORATE. HE STATES THAT HE LIKES TO TALK TO ME AND WE HAVE A CONNECTION--- HE FEELS SOMETHING BUT HE'S NOT SURE WHAT

8.) I WENT OFF ON HIM A FEW (8-10) TIMES AND DID EXCESSIVE CALLS AND MSGS----MOST NORMAL GUYS WOULD BLOCK ME OR RUN AWAY SO I AM SUSPICIOUS OF THE FACT THAT HE'S STILL HERE

9.)I SAW SOME PRIVATE CHATS THAT HE DID WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND HE LITERALLY USED SOME OF THE SAME PICK UP LINES ON QUITE A FEW OF THEM 'SOMETIMES LOVE JUST AHPPENS AND I FEEL LIKE WE HAVE THIS CONNECTION IM SOO HAPPY U CAME INTO MY LIFE I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE MET U.....' THAT SHIT WORKED ON ME AND I KNEW BETTER.....I CONFRONTED HIM AND HE DENIED USING PEOPLE UNTIL I FORCED HIM TO ADMIT IT-----HE SAID HE DOES NOT LIKE THAT WORD BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM FEEL BAD ABOUT WAHT HE DOES. I TOLD HIM I DON'T CARE IF ITS WORK BUT I NEED TO KNOW HE'S NOT PLAYING ME AND WAS SERIOUS ABOUT ME. ATTRACTIVENESS HE'S A 9 AND I AM A 5 WORKING MY WAY TOWARDS 7
10.) HE SAID I AM THE ONLY ONE HE TALKS TO ON INSTA-----WELL OUTSIDE OF WORK PERIOD...BUT THERE ARE TIMES I CATCH HIM ON INSTA AND MY MSGS IS SEEN BUT HE DOES NOT REPLY. MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY...

11.) AT ONE POINT I SAID THAT I WONT DO PAYPAL ANYMROE B/C I DID NOT WNA TO BE HIS SUGAR DADDY AND I APOLOGIZED FOR INSULTING HIM AND HIS INDEPENDEDNCE WHEN I SENT THE ORIGINAL MONEY. HE TOLD ME THAT IT WLAL WENT INTO HIS BROTHER ACCOUNT AND HE GAVE IT ALL TO HIS BROTHER. ALL $300 THATSA LOT. i DID TRY TO DO A PAYPAL DISPUTE FOR $100 while we HAD A FIGHT. IT FAILED BC PAYPAL SUCK.....HE THEN MADE A COMMENT ABOUT "GIVING BACK THE $100 BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW" AND I SHOULD TRY TO GET IT BACK IF I CAN.....THAT MAKES ME THINK HE KNOW ABOUT THE DISPUTE AND WAS MOCKING ME

12.) YESTERDAY I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE XOOM AND ME WANTING TO SEND HIM MORE MONEY AND HIS TONE AND DEMEANOR CHANGED. HE DID NOT RUSH ME OFF THE MORNING CALL. HE SHARED WORK INSECURITIES AND HOW IT WAS TOO MUCH PRESSURE......THE DAY BEFORE I ALSO BACKED OFF ON CALLING AND MESSAGING ADN APOLOGZIE FOR GOING OVERBoard. i do not think hsi perspective can change so quickly IN ONE DAY. IT WAS HERE THAT I KNOW HE WAS USING ME......HE WAS SO SWEET AND ACCOMODATING WHEN MONEY CAME BACK INTO THE CONVERSATION IT WAS THE SAME SWEETNESS WHEN HE FIRST GAAVE ME HIS PAYPAL........BUT HE TALKS TO ME NORMALLY EVEN WHEN I DONT SEND HIM ANYTHING.....SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK...WELL I DO. I DO NOT WANT TO ADMIT THAT HE'S USING ME....WHAT'S WORST......EVEN IF HE TELLS ME THAT HE'S USING ME I WANT TO DEFINE THE TERMS AND CONTINUE THIS FANTASY
13.) HE PAINTS THIS PICTURE OF AN INNOCENT FARM BOY TURNED CAM MODEL B/C OF CORONA AND NERD WHO WORKS HARD AND LOVES HIS FAMILY-----I BOUGHT IT EVERY CM.....I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. WELL I DDO BUT I DON'T WANT TO CUT THINGS OF....


I LOVE HIM AND WANTS TO MARRY HIM. IT'S STUPID I KNOW. I ALSO THOUGHT ABOUT SENDING HIM MONEY WEEKLY SO HE DOES NOT HAVE TO WORK BUT HE KINDA LOVES BEING A CAM MODEL B/C HE MAKES SOOO MUCH. I WANT TO ASK YALLL ALL P[OWERFUL AND OMNISCIENT internet/reddit WHAT IS A THIRSTY SPRUNG HOE TO DO? If he's acting, it's impeccable. there are moments where im suspicious but there are times i also know he's REAL like WHEN HE WAS eating nutella at 2 am while talking to me about everything and nothing...... AND HE DID NOT SLEEP TILL 4 AM. BUT ALSO IS THE NAME ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER FAKE? DOES HE NOT TRUST ME? DOES IT FUCKING MATTER? I GET TO TALK TO HIM FOR LIKE MAYBE 15-20 MINS EVERY OTHER DAY HE SAID HE LIEKS ME BUT I FEEL LIKE HE DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR ME AND WHEN HE'S AT HOME OR ON HIS OFF DAYS HE NEVER CALLS OR MSGS.......WTF AM I? WHAT DO I DO? LIKE I THOUGHT ABOUT FLYING TO SO EUROPEAN SHITHOLE WHILE THERE'A BAN AND PANDEMIC WTF...................PLEASE TTHANKS FOR READING THIS IF U READ THE WHOLE THING. ANY Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Some one reprimand me and tell me that i'm stupid and that this needs to stop immediately. Some one tell me i should keep pursuing this and we can work out........................SOMEBODY TELL ME WAHT TO DO B/C I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. WHAT TO DO. I THINK ABOUT HIM ALL DADY AND I WORRY AND HAVE ANXIETY ATTACK WHEN I FEEL LIKE HE'S WITHDRAWING AND MIGHT CUT ME OUT FO HIS LIFE..........IM A FUCKING MESSSSSSSSSSS. I JUST WANTED TO CONFESS TO THE INTERNET. LET THE COMMENTS FLOW ADN AS ALWAYS NOT TODAY SATAN.
submitted by romanticdumbasshoe to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.28 06:14 SJess93 HLF Turning into a LLF and Slowly Dying Inside, After Dating a LLF and Unsure What to Do

I am a 27 year old HLF, dating a 28 year old LLF. We have been in a relationship for what is soon to be 3 years this November. I’ve been really wrestling with the ins and outs of the relationship probably since the first 6 months, but I didn’t really start to notice trends and really start to navigate through the “what ifs” until this last year. I’ll try to provide the back-story below, leading up to my current day dead bedroom scenario. Please forgive the novel. I’ll try to give the TLDR of this at the very, very end.
We met online & we talked for maybe a week or two before meeting. I was fresh out of a casual relationship with a dude, while she was fresh out of what I thought was just a dating relationship with her female ex. I didn’t find out that she was fresh out of an engagement until after I caught feelings for her, which really should have been a wake-up call to me, but alas, red flags are my fashion of choice.
My gf has been the 2nd woman I’ve ever seriously dated. I wanted to do whatever it took to ensure that my current partner wouldn’t dump me so mercilessly like my first gf did. On our first date, we realized that while we came from different upbringings & social groups, we both had came from really fucked up home lives, both with blended families. We trauma-bonded BIG TIME over our various levels of abuses suffered by our parents. I remember gravitating towards what felt comfortable, normal, familiar, and I was tired of random hook-ups. I wanted to settle DOWN with a woman, get married, the whole nine. My gf asked me questions about religion, marriage, kids, politics – all of the hot topics that are supposed to be big no-nos on a first date, but my dumb ass was just relieved to have a female be able to hold conversation with me. I had told her that for the right woman, I would consider having children and all of that jazz. But that I was perfectly content not having my own – my pets filled my maternal thirsts just fine for me. She always wanted kids, and she claimed that she was hitting her maternal clock and how she always wanted to be a young mom, yada yada. This will become significant eventually.
We ended up fulfilling the cliché U-Haul move, but it wasn’t necessarily because I truly wanted to co-habituate so soon. When my gf’s ex called off the engagement, she got kicked out of their old house in a town about 45 minutes away from where I was and my gf moved in with her grandma. She was staying with her grandma for maybe a few weeks. My gf told me that she didn’t feel safe, sleeping in her grandma’s basement, and that she had to sleep with a knife and her concealed carry gun each night. Gf told me that her middle sister hung out with a rough crowd, that the sister was in and out of trouble with the law, and that she didn’t sleep well at her grandma’s house. My gf would come over to my apartment often in the evenings to spend time with me and nap before she would work nights at her old job. My gf would tell me how much at peace she was with me, how much better she slept, all of that. I would get love bombed a lot and she was all about telling me, “I love you”, well within the first month. I felt horrible for my gf, so I eventually offered to let her stay with me, if it meant that she were safe and sleeping better. She moved herself in and has lived with me since…
When my gf and I first met, my gf was frail-thin, cutting herself, and she claimed that she was off of her medications. She told me at the beginning that she had BPD (which I now question), but I know for sure that she has depression, anxiety, and CPTSD. When she was off of her medications, she was very mentally and emotionally unstable, but she was very affectionate and sensual towards me. She has had a history of sexual trauma from her childhood, so I was always mindful of this. I wanted explicit consent and permission before anything happened between us, because I’d hate myself for pushing her to go further than she wanted to, etc. I asked for her permission before our first kiss on our first date, and I asked her permission before we slept together on our second date, etc. Once she had lined herself up with getting medications again, that’s when I started to notice a shift in things. The medications leveled her out more and they helped with the cutting and insomnia. The medications, however, started to make her go more numb, yet cold, yet neutral. It was like, “Okay, I’d rather her want to live and not go off the deep-end, versus wanting to kill herself but she wants me more.” I used to take us out to hockey and basketball games, concerts, restaurants, all of that to “wine and dine” her. I loved spoiling her and I loved making memories together with her, since I’ve fallen into the “pursuer” role, or the “dominant” role at the beginning.
Sex-wise, I prided myself as being higher libido – I’ve had more partners, more experience, more of an open-mind. She has had a limited amount of partners and her drive is fairly low. It used to be fine, because we were still pretty decent friends and there was still emotional intimacy between us. We used to go once or twice a week. Then to once a week. Then once or twice every month. Then once every other month. Then it was once every couple of months. Now…it has been four months and counting.
There has always been an unbalanced relationship between us…though I am younger, I am the breadwinner of the household. I either cook our meals or I am paying for take-out or whatever for meals. I can count on one hand the number of times that she has fixed the both of us a meal in the last 3 years. I do 95% or more of the cleaning. She cleans only when she wants to re-arrange rooms or if we have family or other visitors over. I take care of our pets. She has been allergic to my cats since day one and she absolutely *cannot* stand them. Nor does she ever medicate herself to help treat the allergies. On a small handful of occasions, she has told me that she felt like I cared more for the pets than I did for her; that if I truly cared for her and her wellbeing with her allergies, that I’d get rid of the pets. She is generally very mean to my cats…a bit nicer to our dog, but minus the occasional potty break, she basically has nothing to do with him, either.
She never helped contribute to rent until we moved into our 3rd rental space. I have paid for a significant portion of rent, all of the utilities, and both of our phones for the duration of our relationship, which has slowly but surely been bringing me down financially. I made some very terrible financial choices over the last few years – from taking out personal loans, maxing out credit cards, letting bills go to collections – because I was doing all of this on my own while also trying to keep us all afloat.
During the first 6-12 months of the relationship, my gf always wanted me to be around her whenever I wasn’t at work. She used to get insanely jealous or insecure or weird whenever I’d want to see other friends or want to go to the gym. She’d want me to go to all of her rec team games for softball, which would be 2+ games daily for 6 days a week, plus any random weekend tournaments. We used to text throughout the day as well on a consistent basis. The possessiveness started to die off as the months go by. It has completely gone in the completely opposite direction, especially in the last year and a half. As I started to notice that I was letting a lot of BS slide, as I started to notice that boundaries were continuously getting crossed, I started to slowly stand up for myself. I started being more direct versus passive aggressive. I’d start to talk back to her or defend myself. We started having a lot of the same fights, which infuriated the absolutely H**L out of me. I’m the kind of person that doesn’t want to go to bed angry and I want to work through stuff as it happens, whereas she is the kind of person that would rather stay mum about it and sweep it under the rug. For probably the first year and a half, she pretended like there was absolutely nothing wrong in our relationship; she’d get annoyed or angry whenever I’d bring stuff up. If I ask for us *both* to work on our issues, I’m met with passive aggressiveness or I get stone-walled. If I try to have a high-level, calm, adult conversation with her, I’m attacking her and telling her that she’s completely at-fault for everything. If I actually can get her to engage with me during a disagreement or a fight, I’ll ask her why she is raising her voice at me or yelling at me. If she does engage with me, she tends to try to talk AT me or talk louder than me if I don’t back off or if I am not agreeing with her. I’m accused of villainizing her. I can metaphorically throw myself off a bridge and tell her that I’m at-fault for absolutely everything and that I want better for us, that I want us to try and do better, that I want mutual respect and trust among us…and there is still no personal accountability. I don’t get apologies from her when I’ve gone to her and I’ve told her when she hurts my feelings or when she has angered me. I don’t have her coming to me and owning any of her sh*t. I’ve asked on a handful of occasions if we could go to couple’s therapy or if we could go to therapy on our own, so we both could begin to work on ourselves and begin to heal. I’ve told her that I need a partner to walk beside me and to move forward or I needed a partner that would get behind me, because it has been exhausting for things to not improve. I’ve told her on more than one occasion that the ball has been in her court, but she doesn’t act upon anything.
One of the biggest repeat fights that we’d have would be over family-planning. She wanted me to carry a baby *for her*, since she isn’t able to conceive. She has wanted to be married and have kids and all of that since the very beginning. We decided to eventually compromise and we became dually licensed fosteadoptive parents last year. This temporarily brought back the love-bombing and things were on the up and up, or so I had thought. We were nearing our 2nd year anniversary, so I financed an engagement ring for her shortly after our first foster kiddo came to stay with us and I was going to propose to her during the weekend of our anniversary. Long-story short, the trip turned into a very dark weekend get-away out of town with a small group of people. My gf never thanked me or anybody else for their efforts to get us out of town to the west coast and she treated me like shit the entire weekend She also completely forgot our anniversary. Due to this, I didn’t bother proposing and I kept making bi-weekly payments on a ring that she hasn’t ever been given.
From September of 2019 (two months before we got our first kiddo) to March of 2020 (when he got reunited with his mom), we weren’t intimate at all. I was given the run-around and various excuses in the book. She was working two jobs and was exhausted, she was tired, she had migraines, she wasn’t in the mood, she had canker sores or cold sores. If I’d go to her and ask if I could do something differently, she’d deny it and say no. When I’d go to her and check in on us as a couple, I wouldn’t get anything from her. When I’d go to her with my frustrations and insecurities, she’d tell me, “But I tell you that you’re beautiful all the time! I tell you I love you all of the time!” Even if it had been months since she had last uttered the words.
We were intimate on her birthday in March, and maybe one other time after in March. I started going to a therapist in April to begin tackling my self-worth, self-esteem, and my relationship problems. Fast forward then on my birthday in May, when my gf gave me duty sex. Since my birthday in May, we haven’t been intimate. We took in a newborn foster kiddo in June and that completely put a wrench in our already broken dynamics. My girlfriend stays at home with the baby full-time partially due to saving on daycare costs, partially because of our kiddo’s medical needs. My gf has gone into hyper-active, overly protective, ultra-possessive mode with our newest kiddo. She has insisted on having our baby co-sleep with us since we took her home at a week old, much to the discomfort and disapproval from me. The child was only put in a bassinet maybe 2 or 3 times total when she first came home before my gf converted it into a catch-all for clothes and other BS. She wanted (and still wants to) hold the baby during most of the day, do almost all of the feedings and changings, and do all of the interactions. Which has made it virtually almost impossible for me to grow any sustainable parenting skills. Even though the baby now has a crib in the master bedroom, the baby still gets to sleep in our king-sized bed every day for all sleeping. My partner claims that the doctors have zero issue with the baby sleeping in the same bed as us (which I don’t believe). My partner refuses to let us put the baby in the literal crib that was installed and put in our master bedroom.
As soon as the baby came home with us, I immediately noticed a massive switch. My girlfriend will be doting, warm, loving, verbally and physically affectionate with the baby. Lots of kisses, lots of hugs, lots of the general things that parents do with kids. But when it came to me…all affection, attention, expression ceased. If I went to try to hold her hand, she would shutter and pull her hand back. If I tried to touch her back or just touch her in a platonic, non-sensual way, she’d act like my touch was burning her. She’d often roll her eyes at me or give me a look of disgust if I tried to flirt with her. I started to notice that she wasn’t saying, “I love you” before we’d go to bed or after phone calls…when we used to pride ourselves in saying this to each other daily for years. When I asked if we could try to put the baby in her crib, so that we could have the bed to ourselves again, she got so disgusted with me and claimed that she couldn’t even consider doing anything with me, especially if the baby was in the room, even if the baby was completely asleep. I hadn’t even brought up sex at that point, but I was wanting our bed to ourselves again so that we could even share some sort of physical attention, like cuddling like we used to do. Whether I was direct with her or passive aggressive, everything I bring to her attention regarding our dying relationship just seems to trigger her more. It’s been slowly killing me inside over the last several months, coming out of denial that my relationship is dying and basically only a relationship by title only. When I most recently brought up that I felt like I’ve been emotionally neglected and that my need weren’t being met, how I felt so utterly unattractive, so unwanted, so unlovable, my girlfriend got pissed at me and stated, “Oh, so you’re basically saying that I’m abusing you. You’re saying that you’re back in an emotionally abusive relationship again, much like with your ex [I had an ex male partner of 5 years who was manipulative, mentally unstable, emotionally/mentally abusive, and he tried to rape me while drunk once and he once threated to hurt me physically]. You think I’m abusing you like HE did. Not only that, but you must still be in LOVE with him!”
Between the tensions between us and me having a COVID scare back at the end of July, I started to sleep in my spare bedroom in my apartment. After getting over being sick and trying to sleep back in the “master bedroom”, I couldn’t handle the tensions between my gf and I, so I have basically been sleeping in my spare bedroom pretty consistently for about 2 months now. I take the baby’s old room with the queen, while she and the baby sleep on the king in the master bedroom. The last fight that we had, she had admitted to me that her family wants her to take herself AND our foster baby and move out of the apartment. Her family wants her to move into her grandma’s place and her family wants her to leave me. My parents both have wanted me to dump my gf apparently for ages now, but I just learned not too long ago. My friends and my therapist all have been pushing for me to make a decision, but I’m “over-analyzing Annie” and I’ve been dragging this trying to make this relationship work for years.
TLDR: gay AF, anxious-attached HLF dating an avoidant-attached LLF. Broken relationship of 3 years, basically dead bedroom for 2.5 years. LLF refuses to admit to falling out of love and attraction for me. I’m a chickenshit and won’t leave and I need help coping and how to move forward.
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submitted by unitedmallp to u/unitedmallp [link] [comments]


2020.09.28 04:12 braynewashed My 12 y/o sister is suicidal

I’m looking for advice to help our family with such a sensitive subject.
For some background, I (23F) am the eldest sibling in our family of 5. Two younger sisters (21) & (12) with a mom and a dad that are still together. As you can tell, me and my second sister are much older than our youngest. We have both moved out from home and live states away from our parents and youngest sister as she is still living at home with them. She recently informed us that she’s feeling suicidal (drama that involves toxic friendships) and the reason for her coming to us for help instead of our parents is due to the fact that 1.) my parents’ relationship is a poor example of love, perfect example of toxicity and 2.) when either me or my second sister were suicidal growing up (yes we later learned we were acting out due to being products of our environments) they had removed phones, social interactions, and instilled unsupported therapy. And by unsupported therapy I mean, blindsiding us by picking us up randomly from school during class for unsolicited “doctors” appointments which were really a one-time appointment for a therapist to say “yes something is wrong” with no returning appointments to ever create a relationship with professionals. I later found out this was my mother’s influence.
Because of our youngest sister contacting us, me and my second sister are making a trip down to our parents to have a family meeting. Mainly to discuss the relationship between our parents and to hopefully bring awareness to them about how their toxic “love” is oozing into the mind of our 12 y/o sis.
From reports from my youngest and also my own personal experiences, my mother just completely undervalues my father. He is an absolutely wonderful man who puts his heart and soul into every aspect of his life. However, he deals with severe separation anxiety that stems from his personal childhood trauma that reflects on his relationship with my mother because he ignores all the red flags with his rose colored glasses. He will cook her dinners from scratch almost every night and yet she barely touches his food and sometimes will be so disrespectful as to eat cheez its instead. She even joked about how she’d date my father if he was a hot woman when the last time she called him handsome was too long to remember. There was one time he went on a trip for 3 days and resisted the temptation to contact my mother just to see if she would care to contact him instead which she proved she did not. Due to these alarming facts, my youngest sister’s opinion for love is, “if that’s love I, don’t want it. I will be single for the rest of my life.”
What I’m looking for is advice on how to gently approach the topic with my parents that we should shine some light on their dynamic as a couple and how 3/3 kids had suicidal temptations stemmed from poor relationship choices that were influenced by the example in our home. Divorce can be scary and is currently foreign in our family since they have been together this whole time, however with time we have realized as adults that maybe the family would be better off if they separated. Any advice helps! Thank you all.
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2020.09.28 02:39 oofboi2002 First time posting. Please critique my long ass story as it is not near finished yet. Even if its a nuke of a criticism give it to me

As I stood at the dock’s edge, gazing at the tempestuous sea I couldn’t help but wonder why I had decided to come to this desolate rock. Could it have been a fickle attempt to escape the everyday humdrum of life? Or had some enigmatic force of fate brought me to this rickety atoll? My dismal rumination was abruptly quelled by a stout hand-clapping my shoulder, my thoughts still roared as I turned to see the briny barge captain who had stirred me. He must have noticed my vacant stare because he immediately led me to a musty wooden tavern not thirty yards away from the dock’s cragged edge. As we ambled through the swinging saloon doors I began to grasp how meager this hamlet was. My inattentive thoughts were jarred by the bartender gruffly asking for my drink of choice, I simply abstained myself which elicited a grumble from the chapped man. As I sat in the bar, I could feel manifold sets of eyes scouring my slouched shoulders. I could hear hushed voices redound off the rotting walls “Looks like a fresh continental.”, “Come next barge he’s gone go back home cryin’ to mama.” I stood from my seat and left the peculiar locals to their swill.
I noticed a filmy patch of fog rolling through the cobbled stone streets as I left. As I looked back to the dock I noticed the vessel that I had arrived on was now a distant mote on the horizon. I began combing the stark streets for any refuge that didn’t contain unsavory locals or fetid scents. As I strolled through the fog the warm effulgence of oil lamps illuminated a small chain bound wooden sign that merely read “INN”. As I entered the lobby, I saw that the inn was well lit and unsoiled by rot or water damage. As I strode to the end of the reception area I noticed a golden service bell on the edge of a glossy wooden desk labeled “Check-In” I rang the small bell and not a second later a small elderly woman scooted from a small curtained room to the side of the desk opposite me. I examined her face more closely to see keen exuberance in her eyes as if I were an old friend she hadn’t spoken to in some time. “Hello, my name is Ida and welcome to my Inn. How long would you like to stay my dear?” “I’ll stay for a week.” I said reluctantly, I had no idea when the next ship would come to this port and the locals are no help whatsoever. “Wonderful!” she croaked “So many continentals come to stay here, my business has been booming since I opened four years ago.” This comment confused me greatly because the keyboard behind her was completely full. “This way young man you’ll be staying in room 3.” The woman quickly shuffled up a flight of burnished wooden stairs to reveal a carpeted hallway with 5 rooms on each side. “You said your business was booming…” I alluded “…but the other rooms are vacant.” Ida smiled at me and asserted “The other patrons left the village to get closer to the island.” This statement perplexed me, “This place is so bleak. Why would anyone want to make a home here?” I thought to myself as Ida’s face receded with the closing door.
My room was a spacious 40 square meter box with red curtains covering immaculate double windows. I took to lying down on the cushy king bed so that I could reflect on my circumstances comfortably. After some ephemeral solitary deliberation, I heard a feeble knock on my door. When I opened the door there stood the slightly wilted figure of Ida, but this time she was holding a small sheet of paper. “Since you’re going to be here for a bit, I thought you might want to know this town’s history.” The paper had a picture of a gaping cave entrance that gave me a disconcerting chill. I gripped the pamphlet, but the woman maintained her grip. “Watch yourself when you leave your room you hear? The folk who live in this town are the least of your worries.” She then released the brochure and retired to the lobby. The leaflet described the founding of the town by a small fleet of European trading ships that were immobilized by a severe tropical storm that devastated the area. These settlers lived on the island for nearly a century, but one day a military vessel docked, and the men were astonished to find the settlement and the entire island to be empty. It was as if the people had vanished into thin air. Soon the settlement was repopulated during the Industrial Revolution in hopes that the island had hidden riches to strip and sell to the highest bidder. However, many of the prospectors reported seeing pale slick-headed figures stalking the dark inlets of the cave system. These legends were never confirmed, and no lives were lost until one day the miner’s exit had a massive cave in and hundreds of men were killed along with the island’s economy. The island is now a secluded community that feeds itself with the sea’s bounty. As I flipped to the back of the handout, I found a map of the island with important locations corresponding to its history each marked with a crudely written title and small “x” to specify. My eyes scanned the map I saw a small gray patch of land near the watery center of the atoll. The patch was marked “Murky Grotto”, this was the location that was pictured on the front of the pamphlet and the site where the cave-in occurred. I flipped the paper back to its face and studied the maw of the cave closely, I’m positive I saw something in that cave. I could feel the hand holding the picture drifting closer to my face until I could see nothing but the darkness within.
My vision was completely darkened by the picture, but when I moved the photo away from my eyes, I realized that I was no longer in the warm hotel room. I was totally enveloped by inky blackness on all sides, the only thing my senses could interpret was the biting chill in the air and the faint dripping of water. My heart jumped from resting to throbbing against my rib cage. As my breath became faster, I began to hear clumsy footsteps accompanied by ear-shattering wails and erratic cries of primal rage. I couldn’t tell what was making the peculiar noise, but all I knew was that it was getting louder and therefore closer. I reduced my breathing to remain completely silent. I could feel its frenzied breath on my face. Standing before me was what may seem human, but this beast was coated and continuously secreting a sickly lemon-colored mucous, sporting a near melanin free outer membrane, the eyes must be completely worthless as the beast does not acknowledge visual stimuli its bulbous and milky eyes seem to be an evolutionary mutation as useful as the human appendix, the mutant also didn’t have a single visible hair on its body. The mutant’s physical condition is questionable, to say the least. Much of its body was simply gaunt deformity. The torso is mostly stretched thin skin over protruding bones. The mutant’s prominent facial features include its lack of a nose, instead, it has two nostrils nestled in a small facial ridge where its nose should be was. The mutant’s ears are also embedded into its head rather than protruding. My blood ran cold as the creature’s dead eyes bulged while it silently stood in front of me, baring its rows of deformed teeth in my face almost as if it knew it was standing inches away but preferred to taunt me instead. I began to slowly inch away from the mutant as quietly as possible step by step. However, my fear overtook my footing as I backed into what must have been a thick stalagmite and began to plunge to the floor. As I fell, I could see the creature aimlessly swiping toward me, the monstrosity wore a tattered black cloak, but no shoes. The creature’s feet were densely webbed to the point where what would be toes were nearly fused together. The last thing I heard before I collapsed was another spine-chilling scream coming from the creature.
I shot up from lying down, once again blind for a moment until the small pamphlet flaked off my face and into my lap. My body was shaking immensely as I tried reassuring myself that I had just fallen asleep and had a terrible nightmare, but I could feel the dull flow of adrenaline through my body. I sauntered into the bathroom to use the sink to cool my sweat laden forehead, as I refreshed myself, I chuckled because I had gotten myself so worked up over a stupid nightmare. As I dried my hands however I could feel something warm running down my neck, I used a few sheets of toilet paper to clear my sweat, but as I brought the paper to my face to examine the amount of sweat my vision began to blur as I saw that I had not cleaned sweat off my neck rather the wipe was stained red with fresh blood. I stumbled into the stand-in shower and activated the tepid flow of water. I faced the shiny silver floor drain as I watched diluted blood swirl into the pipes below just trying to distract myself from the I implored myself to think of any logical answer other than the repulsive possibility that was slowly pushing its way to the forefront of my mind. “The nightmare.” I blankly uttered. Soon afterward the blood stopped flowing down my back and shoulders and I stepped out of the shower shaking profusely even though the temperature was better than most showers I’ve used. I threw myself toward my duffel bag to retrieve my meds. “Don’t think about it. None of it makes sense so don’t delude yourself by trying to make it logical.” I chanted as I downed my medicine with a swig of water I spread myself across the bed, staring up at the ceiling with my mind still racing, but eventually my medication eased my mind enough that my heart resumed its normal resting pattern. I was determined to stay awake until I could convince myself that I was just anxious about staying in this eerie hamlet. I soon pushed it to the back of my mind and decided that I would go back to the tavern and look for a guide and something to eat. As I descended the stairs, I could see that the old woman was nowhere to be found in the lobby, so I simply left a generous payment for the weeks lodging next to the cramped guest ledger. I took a closer look at the paper to notice that Ida was, in fact, right that many travelers had come to the inn, however, there was a column marked “Room Status” and every single name except for mine was marked vacated on the same date and within the same hour. This confused me at first, but I then realized that these people must have come together, perhaps they checked out to explore the island’s entirety. As I left the Inn I was again greeted with a thick fog and dark skies. As I returned to the coast where I arrived I felt a few raindrops hit the nape of my neck as thunder rolled in the distance. I stopped before I entered the bar again because I could once more feel eyes on my back.
I turned to see a man dressed in a navy-blue police uniform with an aged 1911 pistol model on one hip and a sleek nightstick on the other. The man raised one of his gloved hands and motioned for me to come closer. As I approached I saw the man’s gaunt features, his eyes were baggy and dark as his suit, immense stress markings on his forehead, and an unsightly scar stretching from his left commissure to the corresponding earlobe. “Hello son, you’re the new cont’nental arrived yesterday right?” he coolly inquired, “Continental?” I quizzically asked, “Everyone keeps calling me that, but I don’t know what it means.” “Means you’re from the mainland, means they don’t trust you neither. These folks only care for their own and don’t take well to outsiders meddling with their traditions.” The officer said overly nonchalantly. “I noticed that they weren’t very fond of me as soon as I walked into the bar. Do the locals even speak to newcomers unless they have to?” I inquired genuinely regretting not stepping back onto the barge instead of being distracted by the queer community of ruffled fishermen. “Most folk just keep a sour look til’ newcomers get the message.” He punctuated his sentence by grabbing a small canteen and taking a swig of what I assumed was water. “Do you know when the next barge will come here? I made a mistake staying here and I need the first boat back to the mainland.” The officer chuckled and looked at me as if I had told him a joke he had heard many times before. “Next barge carrying general good’s comin’ in 13 days. Til’ then you’re stuck on this berg.” My heart sank as I had enough money to last that period, but I was reluctant because of the lack of activities since I was technically a second-class citizen to the locals. The officer surely noticed my expression because he put his white pristine white glove on my shoulder and stated “I know it’s inconvenient son, but the locals don’t want nothin’ to do with the mainland less’ they can’t find it on the island. The only boats the locals own are small rowboats nd’ they only use em’ for haulin’ fish n’ firewood.” “Say…” he blurted “…I’ll bet you haven’t got a tour of the town yet. How’d you like a po-lice escort, son?” “Sure.” I relented “But how much of this dinky shantytown is there to tour?” I mentally scoffed. Instantly after I accepted his offer the officer turned 180 degrees and began rigidly marching down the street opposite of the bar. The thick fog gave the officer a strange appearance, his dark figure seemed to push the fog to his side while my thin frame was seemingly consumed by the syrupy haze. The officer suddenly stopped and clicked his polished shoes together to face the second-best kept building I’d seen “This’s the general store, here’s where most of the goods from the barge go.” “Finally!” I thought “I don’t have to go to that dingy bar to get food and drink. I thought I’d never find a store here.” The officer began to say something, but I was only interested in the small wooden shelves freshly stocked with ample instant food that only requires water, seasoning shakers, various tools, and various fishing gear and accessories. I grabbed a small paper bag and filled it with instant food and some bottled water. However, the cashier stopped totaling my items when I opened my wallet and took out a couple of 5-dollar bills. “Sir you don’t have enough capital for your items.” the man groaned “You need more than ten dollars for some lousy instant food and bottled water?” I griped. The man started to respond but closed his mouth as I felt a familiar feeling on my shoulder. I turned to see the officer with a small but smug grin on his face “We don’t accept continental cash here son.” he ribbed. I then noticed both men had small canvas sacks attached to their belts, the officer removed his and took out a few slimy segments of what looked like fish scales. “I’ll pay for your food this time ‘round, but we don’t use no paper money with nobody but the barge captain.” The cashier shot the officer a quick grin, but his expression changed to a scowl when he returned my bag of items. As I walked down the creaky wooden steps the officer snickered “I was tryin’ to tell you we ain’t got any use for mainland cash, do us both a favor and let me finish next time.” Embarrassed and agitated by how obsolete my savings were in this backwater I simply nodded my head at the officer and dreaded having to return to the Inn and be confronted about my useless money. The officer continued his foggy march through the town showing me the town hall, small woodworking shop, and finally a cramped post office. As both of us exited the building I noticed that the rain that had only been a drizzle earlier was beginning to intensify.
The officer turned to me and said “That’s it for the important places here. Now if you want me to show you a good place to see the beauty of this here island, we can make it there and back before the rain gets too heavy if you wanna take a gander.” Not caring about either the rain or how much time it took I agreed to follow him once more. As usual, he began marching up the cobbled streets, but when we reached the end of the road he didn’t break stride for a moment despite the unruly grass and bumpy terrain. We eventually reached and traversed an outlandishly symmetrical plateau. The top of the highland was shaped like a hexagon. When I averted my gaze from the odd highland I was greeted with the serene sight of the watery center of the atoll and the distant curve of the rest of the island. As both of us gazed in silence I made out what looked to be a protruding rock face with a dark yawning maw. As I looked closer I could see what looked like a line of figures filing into the mouth of the cavern. My trance was cut short by the policeman nudging me and pointing to the center of the band “That water there goes down deeper than any man could ever go. Locals go out and catch fish there, folk say that the deeper you go the bigger the catch.” The man then mumbled something to himself that was near indecipherable from what I heard it sounded like he mentioned something called “The Deep Sleeper”. He then turned to me as if he had said nothing at all and yapped “Whelp! We best get back ‘afore the storm gets nasty.”
On the way back through town the officer did not march confidently as he had previously, he continuously turned his head to look at me until we reached the Inn as if he were looking at my expression to determine whether or not I had heard his preceding utterance. “Hope you had a hoot on the tour! Come by the town hall if anything’s troubling you. The locals may not acknowledge you, but just know I’m here night r’ day if need be.” he insisted. “Thank you officer…” “Name’s Tate, just give me a holler if you need anythin’” he jovially repeated. As Officer Tate departed, he resumed his austere march, not once looking back or breaking his stride until he disappeared from my sight. My body fluttered as I left the cold streets and entered the toasty lobby. Instead of a vacant front desk, Ida was reading quietly at the end of the room. I strode to the desk to apologize for using outmoded currency, but instead of anger, the senior matriarch gave a warm smile and politely said “The locals may use those stupid scales, but I still use mainland currency because that barge not only brings patrons but supplies to keep my Inn in the sterling condition it’s in now. You don’t need to worry about those gross scales here young man.” Relief washed over me as I thanked her profusely as I lumbered up the stairs with my groceries.
When I finally locked my room door I was ready to sleep sometime in this dingy town away. Soon after I killed the lights I was enveloped in the thick curtain of sleep. I was awoken this time not by a nightmare, but by the sound of a door being continuously pounded on. At first, I groggily wrapped my pillow around my ears, but the pounding didn’t stop so I shifted out of bed and into my shoes. The blows were growing in intensity to the point where I believed that the entire door would break. As I cleaned out my sleepy eyes I listened for the sound of Ida, hoping that she would rebuke the antagonist, but the beating continued uninterrupted. Now irritated with being awoken by some instigator I swung my door open to catch the aggressor by surprise, but there was not a person in sight. I paced the length of the hall and every door was locked and the hall was barren of life. The more I thought about the situation the more irate I became, I stormed back into my room closing the door and went to sit on my bed, but as soon as my door was shut the pounding came back in full force, but this time the sound had switched locations. The unit next to me was shaking with the thundering boom from the sheer force of the blows. My body began to tense in anger as I whirled around to my door and again threw it open to find no life or unlocked doors. Thoroughly enraged, I walked to the sink to cool down. As I was splashing water on my face my blood began to boil as the booming sound was now coming from my door. I slowly crept to the threshold readying myself for a possible fight with some punk, but before I opened the door I decided to look through the peephole. However, as I focused my eye I could only see pitch blackness as if the hole were being covered, so I threw the door open with more force than I’ve ever mustered only to be greeted with cold murky darkness.
My stomach felt like a deflating balloon as I recognized the echoing drips of water hitting the cavern floor. I held my breath waiting for the same depraved creature to begin its horrid patrol, but the creature did not come. My eyes soon adjusted to the darkness enough that I could see outlines of the cold stone bulwark, as I felt my way along the icy walls my foot kicked a small metal object. I slowly moved down to pick up what I had kicked, the object was a metal cylinder with a small rubber button on one end “A flashlight!” my brain exclaimed. With the click of a button, the dingy cave was bathed in a radiant glow. The cave was adjoined to what seemed to be my Inn room, out of curiosity I pulled the curtains in the room and was met with cold stone on the other side of the double window. Dejected, I scanned the cave for any sign of an opening. As I walked out of the room, I spotted a small dried bloodstain nearly two meters from a small stalagmite. There was no explanation other than the inane theory that not only are my nightmares connected but that these bizarre occurrences are in some way rooted in reality. The very thought made my brain begin to pirouette in blighting befuddlement, I could not stand to come to terms with such an absurd reality lest I lose my mind. As my flashlight shone on a far wall, I could see an exit from this godforsaken room, but as I approached the outlet I noticed the frame of the exit had chiseled petroglyphs of three heads. There were two heads on each support of the exit; at the lowest point was a glyph of a man, above him was a glyph of the pale oddity I encountered the night before, but at the top of the frame held by the beams was a carving of a giant beast with tendrils preceding its mouth and a cephalopod shaped head. The very sight of the squid-like beast chilled my very bones causing me to shudder like an abject recreant, but as promptly as I averted my eyes the feeling subsided.
I recommenced my trek through the dank tunnels discerning only the sounds of rocks I dislocated ricocheting off the floor, every few minutes I’d hear mortified screams echo off the ceiling for it only to be met with primal bellowing and eventual silence, and the ever-rhythmic oozing of freezing water from all directions. The dreary grotto seemed to impede the constancy of time itself as I found myself endlessly wandering through dead end after dead end, destroyed refuge after destroyed refuge. I began to wonder as more and more unknown amounts of time passed what about eating and drinking? I had to have been in the hole for more than 6 hours, but I never felt the sharp pang of hunger, the slow parching of dehydration, nor the burn of muscle fatigue. After plenty of trial and error, I came to a fork in the path, as I looked to the right my gag reflex triggered as I heard gut-wrenching screams for mercy followed by frenzied wailing saw the floor was caked with dry blood and littered with bones from all parts of the human body and with one cursory smell I was inundated with the stench of decay. The path to the left was clear of any debris, and I could see a dim light illuminate the cave wall farther down the path. As I walked down the path I could feel frigid goosebumps radiate from my neck to my toes, my very eupnea felt like ice in my lungs, and yet my breath remained unseen. When I came near the light on the cave wall I peered my head around the corner only to see a stone brazier lit with a flame as blue as the depths of the sea itself. The flame burnt endlessly without tinder or fuel of any kind, I tried to warm myself with this fire, but as I drew nearer my blood grew colder and my body quivered more fiercely. I was astonished by this simple defiance of my fickle reality.
I kept walking the path, distancing myself from each brazier as much as possible, but after passing the fifth brazier I could hear distant voices echoing off the walls, but I couldn’t decipher the muted murmurs that reverberated from wall to wall. As I grew closer to the voices I desperately wished to call for help, but those thoughts were admonished with the searing reminiscence of the path I repudiated. Would I be dismembered and picked clean if I so much as alerted one of the inhabitants? I wasn’t going to take that incurable risk, as I drew closer to the speaking figures, I could clearly hear what they said, but they spoke in a guttural consonant laden tongue that was not the least bit decipherable. I peered around the corner to see two men in black tattered cloaks standing on either side of one of the braziers chanting continuously. I watched curiously as the men looked to be in a trance of some sort, but the men suddenly rolled up their sleeves to reveal countless laceration scars some healed, others infected, and some fresh. As I was gawking at their many skin carvings both men unsheathed otherworldly daggers that measured about 20 centimeters, my stomach tensed as I watched them dig the blades into their wrists and hew down to their elbows. The men didn’t cry out in pain or even grimace as they tilted their lacerated arms into the bowl of the brazier, and as their blood cascaded into the bowl the men continued their chants. Suddenly the fire in the bowl changed into water but still moved as if it were scorching flame. The men then submerged their lacerated arms into the water and affixed their forearms, after doing this the men started to cry out in ecstasy. Following this, the men removed their arms from the bowl and began to stumble about with their eyes rolled back in unmitigated euphoria. In mere seconds the men were slouched against the wall, made comatose by otherworldly bliss. As the second man closed his eyes I crept past, warily navigating the twisting stone tunnels I stumbled across scores of hooded figures who took part in the same macabre ceremony all splayed on the floor arms still spurting sticky pools of blood.
After the twentieth duo of masochistic freaks, I stumbled upon a massive clearing adorned with stone statues of the hideous winged cephalopod deity fraught with hooded figures, each was wearing wooden ceremonial masks fashioned to please the grotesque cephalopod creature. These cultists knelt around an ominous black obelisk that was pulsating gleaming energy seemingly due to their worship. Looking beyond the cultists I could see mighty pillars of white-hot lightning mirroring off the water’s surface that flowed from the center of the atoll, I’d have to cross the entire stone mezzanine and exit down a slab of stairs. As I began navigating my way toward the back of the cave, I grimaced at the mere audition of these chanting to their god in unholy unison. As I crossed the mezzanine directly behind the cultists, I noticed that this sect of mutants were the same humanoid beasts from my previous calamity, none of the figures wore shoes and their feet were also densely webbed. I knew I had to move quickly and carefully if I wanted to keep my skin as I approached the top of the staircase, I took a deep breath and began to surge down the stairs. I made it nearly halfway down before I heard a gut-wrenching wail coming from the depraved mutants below. I began to descend faster as most of the masked mutants didn’t move a muscle, but those who did began howling like tortured animals toward me. As soon as I hit the last stair I broke into a sprint for the mouth of the cave, but as I darted past the depraved creatures, I felt the ground begin to rattle and fissure, while the walls and ceilings begin to collapse upon. There was no time to waste in escaping from the depraved followers, I could hear their psychotic babbling as if they were close enough for a ride on my back. I felt the adrenaline numbing my every stride as I reached the edge of the cave’s gaping aperture and dove into the cloudy waves.
Never had such cold and bemired water felt so liberating or invigorating, but even as I fled I could feel tremors rattling the very depths of the island. I slowly clambered out of the water to try and gather my bearings, but as I glanced upward I saw portentous black clouds fiercely merging into a whirling waterspout over the atoll’s center. The very earth beneath me rifted into fragments of dust infertile dust, cragged walls of lighting were hurled from the sky to destroy the wildlife, and in the distance, a tidal wave the size of the island came raging toward the island. As I lay in the grass I gazed at the waterspout, but as time passed the waterspout went from gargantuan to dwarf. But as the waterspout halted I witnessed a bulbous mass of gray flesh begin to rise from the water, I could feel an icy chill in each of my atoms as I watched the protracted tendrils rise from the murky depths. The cephalopod horror seemed disappointed that he had been freed to erase such a pathetic race of shallow mortals, and yet when its blistering red gaze met mine my lucid psyche howled in sanity searing anguish as I beheld The Deep One reclaiming its celestial cathedra as the harbinger, the lone horseman of mind-bending Armageddon. As the tidal wave drew fatally close to the island I took a deep breath of salty ocean air and closed my eyes accepting my fate. Just as I heard the wave make landfall I jolted awake and gasping for air in a deluge of my own sweat.
submitted by oofboi2002 to scarystories [link] [comments]


2020.09.27 23:25 llaverna Weekly Round-Up: September 21st - September 27th

Weekly Round-Up: September 21st - September 27th
/bangtan Weekly Round-Up
Previous thread: September 14th - September 20th
This round-up is for everything that happened in the /bangtan realm within the past week, compiled for your convenience! If you have feedback, please leave a comment or send me a PM.
The latest weekly round-up is linked on the sidebar of the subreddit. The link to the archive of past round-up posts can always be found in the wiki index.

New Releases

Date Link Thread
200925 BTS (방탄소년단) 'Dynamite' Official MV (Choreography ver.) Thread

News & Information

Date Thread
200921 [Notice] ARMY on Air Fan Event for “BTS MAP OF THE SOUL ON:E Live Streaming” Raffle Entry Information
200921 Epic Games: Light it up like Dynamite! BTS arrives in Fortnite Party Royale!
200921 "Dynamite" is #2 on the Billboard Hot 100 for its 4th week
200922 The Tonight Show: 5️⃣NIGHTS 5️⃣ PERFORMANCES. Who’s ready for #BTSWEEK with @BTS_twt?! 📅9.28.20
200922 BTS have been nominated for "Top Duo/Group" at the 2020 Billboard Music Awards for a second consecutive year
200922 BTS have been nominated for "Top Social Artist" at the 2020 Billboard Music Awards
200922 John Cena To Appear On September 29 “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon,” Also Featuring BTS
200924 [EVENT] ARMY MEMBERSHIP Renewal Event Notice
200924 Update Notice on Legal Proceedings Against Violation of Artist Rights
200924 ARMY Bomb Ver.3 and 'Map of the Soul Special Edition' can now connect to "Lights" music video on Weverse
200925 [Notice] Cancellation of the BTS MAP OF THE SOUL ON:E Offline (In-person) Concert
200925 BTS have taken their 14th win for "Dynamite" on today's KBS Music Bank
200926 BTS have taken their 15th win for 'Dynamite' on today's Music Core

Merchandise info

Date Thread
200922 Weverse: Learn Korean with BTS Book Package - Official Trailer 1
200924 BigHit Edu: [Learn! KOREAN with BTS Book Package] FAQ📢 ✅SPEAKING PEN User Guide

Expired news

Date Thread
200922 UNICEF: BTS is speaking at the UN General Assembly on 200923 to share a message of hope amidst the pandemic
200923 The Dynamite MV choreo version premiere on Fornite will be livestreamed on Amazon Music App

Appearances & Interviews

Date Link Thread
200921 BTS: Tiny Desk (Home) Concert Thread
200923 UNITED NATIONS: BTS, UNICEF and others: Protraction of COVID 19 crisis on the future generation Thread
200924 Grammy Museum: BTS Interview + 'Dynamite' Performance Thread
200926 [Audio] #MostRequestedLive Interview: BTS Thread
200927 BTS @ 2020 Lotte Duty Free Family Concert

Official Media

Type Date Link Thread
Bomb 200921 [BANGTAN BOMB] 'Dynamite' Stage CAM (BTS focus) @ TODAY Citi Music Series Thread
Bomb 200922 [BANGTAN BOMB] 'Dynamite' Stage CAM (BTS focus) @ NPR Tiny Desk Concert Thread
In the SOOP 200921 [In the SOOP BTS ver.] Highlight Clip EP.1-4 Thread
In the SOOP 200922 [Behind] In the SOOP BTS ver. EP.5 Back to the Forest: Behind-the-scenes Thread
In the SOOP 200924 In the SOOP BTS ver. EP.6 Together, and on Their Own Thread
In the SOOP 200924 [In the SOOP BTS ver.] Official Clip - Ep.7 Thread
Live 200922 2008** BTS Youtube Live Thread
Live 200925 2008** V & Jungkook (YouTube Live) Thread
Log 200927 Namjoon Thread
Magazine 200921 "Weverse Magazine" out now! Thread
Performance 200921 BTS (방탄소년단) 'Dynamite' @ TODAY Citi Music Series Thread
Teaser 200924 BigHit Exhibition: Preview 1 for Map Of the Soul On:E Exhibition
Teaser 200925 BTS MAP OF THE SOUL ON:E 시청 가이드 Thread
Video 200921 Fortnite x BTS: Special Announcement Thread
Video 200923 BTS (방탄소년단) Speech at the 75th UN General Assembly Thread
Other 200921 Learn! KOREAN with BTS [EP.29] I Hope You Are Happy Thread
Other 200925 BTS @ Fortnite Party Royale
Other 200926 BigHit Edu: A Hangul Day challenge with ARMY all over the world! Write #BTS’ lyrics of Mikrokosmos in Korean Thread

Official SNS

Date SNS Link Thread
200921 TikTok BTS on TikTok Thread
200921 Twitter Namjoon Thread
200921 Twitter Today's Bangtan @ NPR Music's Tiny Desk Concert Thread
200923 Weverse Compilation
200923 Weverse Namjoon Thread
200923 Twitter Today's Bangtan: UNICEF with BTS Thread
200924 Twitter BTS x Fortnite Thread
200924 TikTok Jungkook Thread
200925 Twitter Today's Bangtan @ GRAMMY Museum - The Drop Thread
200925 Weverse Compilation
200927 Twitter Namjoon Thread
200927 TikTok BTS on TikTok Thread
200927 Twitter j-hope Thread

CF & Partnerships

Date Thread
200921 Hyundai Lifestyle
200922 Lemona Official
200922 BTS x FILA - Launching of PROJECT 7 on 2020.09.24
200922 Samsung Mobile: All that you love, and more. The countdown begins. September 23, 2020. #GalaxyxBTS
200923 Samsung Mobile: Meet #GalaxyS20FE - our all-new favorite, right in the hands of your all-time faves. #GalaxyxBTS
200923 Fila Project 7 x BTS
200923 Galaxy S20 FE: BTS First Impressions
200923 Samsung Mobile x BTS Tweet Compilation (Galaxy Unpacked September 2020)
200924 BTS x Bodyfriend CF Behind Teaser Clips
200924 Seoul city's promotional video featuring BTS tops 100M views, various special programs planned to thank fans for the new record
200925 FILA x BTS - Project 7 Jimin
200926 FILA x BTS - Project 7 Jungkook
200926 Samsung Mobile: Here’s another side of BTS you’ve never seen before. Witness it all with the amazing drawing tools of the #GalaxyTabS7 #GalaxyxBTS
200927 Lotte Duty Free

Articles

Date Publisher Article Thread
200921 Korea Herald W520b per BTS member? Market worth of K-pop stars in limelight as agency IPO nears Thread
200922 Entertainment Weekly BTS taking over The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon for BTS Week Thread
200922 Washingtonian BTS Fans Are Donating to Public Radio Stations after Tiny Desk Concert Thread
200922 Time Halsey - The 100 Most Influential People of 2020, written by BTS Thread
200922 LaineyGossip BTS Is Everywhere, Part 613 Thread
200924 K-media Edaily reports BTS and BH have offered to lower their skyrocketing advertising fee. The group/BH have been offering lower fees since a few months ago. Thread
200925 CNBC Fans of boy band BTS join swarm of South Korean retail investors chasing hit IPO Thread
200925 Forbes BTS’s Achievements And Massive Global Fan Base Speak Much Louder Than Their Racist Critics Thread

SNS Mentions

NOTE: Entries with 💜 have new content directly involving BTS
Date 💜 Link Thread
200920 Docskim, A Member of Ghost Band Who Also Produced BTS Outro:Tear, Lie Posted About BTS NPR Tiny Desk On His Instastory Thread
200921 💜 PSY with V Thread
200921 Fortnite Thread
200922 Bang Sangho: Official Concept Illustrator for Map of the Soul 7: The Journey Thread
200922 Lotte Duty Free Family Concert Thread
200923 UNICEF X BTS: "If our voices can give strength to people, then that’s what we want and that’s what we’ll keep on doing." Thread
200923 Halsey Thread
200923 Sofia Vergara on her Instagram Thread
200923 Fortnite released a Dynamite emote Thread

Other media

Type Date Link Thread
Cover 200921 Kurt Hugo Schneider: Remaking BTS's "Dynamite" without leaving this Walmart Thread
Cover 200921 ONEUS (Seoho, Leedo, Hwanwoong) dance cover for Dynamite Thread
Cover 200921 KO (Pentatonix) covers Dynamite Thread
Cover 200922 Niki of Enhypen's Dynamite dance cover wearing the hanbok Jungkook gifted Thread
Cover 200922 Nev Schulman and Jenna Johnson dance the Cha Cha to “Dynamite” by BTS on Dancing with the Stars 2020 Thread
Reaction 200924 Psychiatrist Analyses Magic Shop by BTS Thread
Video 200920 Blueberry Eyes (feat. SUGA of BTS) [Making Of] Thread
Video 200922 Jimmy Fallon Says BTS's 'Tonight Show' Takeover Will Be 'Unbelievable' Thread
Video 200923 Jimmy Announces BTS Week on The Tonight Show Thread
Video 200924 The Late Late Show with James Corden: In tonight's game of SpillYourGuts, Alicia Keys asks @JKCorden to pick his favorite: Harry Styles or Baby Mochi? 😳😳😳 Thread
Video 200924 MAX: BLUEBERRY EYES BY MAX (FEAT SUGA OF BTS), LIVE FROM THE GREEK THEATRE Thread
Video 200925 Daechwita used on Boss in the Mirror Thread
Video 200925 BTS - Dynamite (방탄소년단) (#WITHOUTMUSIC Parody) Thread
Video 200924 BTS featured in the first question of Free Fall on NBC’s The Wall
Video 200926 The Try Guys Join The BTS Army Thread

Milestones

Type Date Thread
Charts/Sales 200921 BTS's "Dynamite" is officially No. 1 on this week's Global 200 Excl. U.S. Chart
Charts/Sales 200922 BTS's "Dynamite" Becomes the First and Only song by an Idol Group in Korean Chart history to achieve 500 Perfect All-Kills (PAK)
Charts/Sales 200923 BTS is now the first group in Korean chart history to surpass 600 Perfect All-Kills overall on Korean digital charts, the only artist alongside IU
Followers 200922 'BANGTANTV' Channel Has Surpassed 37 MILLION YouTube Subscribers (BTS remains the most subscribed channel by a male group on YouTube)
Likes 200927 "Dynamite" is now the most liked music video for a group in YouTube history (18.43M likes), surpassing "Boy With Luv"!
Streams 200926 BTS's "Dynamite" Has Now Surpassed 200 MILLION Streams on Spotify (6th song to do so)
Streams 200926 BTS Spotify account has gained 4 BILLION streams so far in 2020 (269 days)
Views 200921 BTS just broke the 'Tiny Desk' record for most YouTube views by a video on its first day ... in about 25 minutes
Views 200925 "Dynamite" has now surpassed 400 million views on YouTube

BTS Universe Story

Date Link Thread
200921 BTS Universe Story: Unveiled for the first time! Sneak peek of BTS Universe Story Special Costume. Whose costume do you want to unlock? Thread
200921 BTS Universe Story: A glimpse of a face and a flash of light. TaeHyung's the only witness. Who did he see? Thread
200922 BTS Universe Story: Unveiled for the first time! Sneak peek of BTS Universe Story Special Costume. Whose costume do you want to unlock? (2/2) Thread
200922 BTS Universe Story : D-2 Thread
200923 Pre-download for BTS Universe Story begins now! 9/24 11:00 (KST) / 9/23 7:00 PM (PDT) Thread
200923 BTS Universe Story : D-1 Thread
200923 BTS Universe Story: 7 young men are gathered in one place. They greet each other excitedly but with curious eyes... Thread
200924 has officially launched! Available for download now! Thread

TinyTAN

Date Link Thread
200923 TinyTAN: Give me a tiny fist bump! Thread

BT21

Date Link Thread
200921 Are you all ready for more exciting stories? ⠀ Like their many charms, BT21 has deep, engrossing tales yet untold...! 🤫 ⠀ It will all unfold soon. Thread
200923 “Who’s that lonely kid?” “Looks rather like me...” ⠀ CHIEF's story. Previously untold. ⠀ #Sep25 #ComingSoon Thread
200925 BT21 Original Story Episode 1 - Chimmy & Chief Thread

BT21 merchandise news

Date Thread
200922 BT21 Take a nap. These will help. Red heart #BT21 BABY #HandWarmer Cushion

Misc

Date Thread
200921 [Unconfirmed, see thread] 2020 MAMA will reportedly be held on December 6 at CJ ENM Contents World in Paju and BTS has reportedly been confirmed to attend
200924 [Throwback] Two years ago today, BTS addressed the 73rd United Nations General Assembly for the launch of UNICEF's 'Generation Unlimited'
200925 [Throwback] Four years ago today, BTS released comeback trailer "Boy Meets Evil" for "Wings"
200926 [Throwback] One year ago today, j-hope released "Chicken Noodle Soup" featuring Becky G

Subreddit

Rolling /bangtan Awards 2020 nomination form

Top Discussion Posts

  1. [+110] How has BTS helped you cope with COVID-19?
  2. [+69] Sharing wild visions for Bangtan
  3. [+59] Army Spending Habits
  4. [+55] What are some underrated tracks you love?
  5. [+51] Older ARMY, do you feel like more people are leaving the twitter fandom recently?

Weekly threads

Fanart

Here are past week's top 5 fanart posts from our sister subreddit, /heungtan!
Submitter Thread
imjustsmeagol Did a BTS paintings compilation pt.II during quarantine. Been pretty inspired by their recent content / messages amid these hard times. Stay safe out there folks!
ilumoone Quick Jimin sketch 💙
myheartisohmygod WINGS birthday cake
ilumoone J-hope Sketch ✨
ilumoone Sleepy JK drawing
submitted by llaverna to bangtan [link] [comments]


2020.09.27 21:22 Peregrinebullet Old Trip Report - May-June 2016 - 24 days

PART 1
So I was going through old emails and pictures and found detailed writeups that I sent a friend of mine during our 2016 Japan trip. My friend had never been to Japan and knew nothing about it, so I'll edit/ condense them for clarity, as I got into some pretty basic explanations that I'm sure a lot of you have figured out already.
** don't think too hard about the dates/timeline, as I condensed and sometimes didn't have time to tell Friend about things until a few days later, so the emails backtrack to previous days a few times -*\*
We were planning on going again this year or next year with our toddler, but alas, pandemic. COVID-19 having slowed down content on this subreddit, I figured some people would still find this a fun read.
We did a 4 person trip (myself, my husband (B), my sister (S) and her boyfriend (K)) for 24 days, sharing accommodations and fair bit of food/transport costs, depending on what we were doing. We ended up realizing that increasing convenience or comfort generally didn't cost a lot more than the cheapest options, so we often paid an extra $5-8/ night to get a business hotel instead of a hostel. We also opted for the convenience of the JR pass (which paid off for us) and the Jetfoil ferry.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's our budget in CAD - Rough planned (actual): pp = per person
Planned budget:
Plane ticket for [SISTER] & [SISTER's BF]- $800- 1000pp (Actual cost: $1100cad pp for YVR-PVG-NRT round trip)
Plane tickets for husband and I: 150K Alaska miles +$220cad (YVR-NRT direct)
Tokyo accommodations - 180 pp ($189 - $121 pp at Hotel Horidome Villa, 2 rooms x 3 days, then $68 pp at an airbnb near Oku Station x3)
Kyoto Accommodations - 123 pp ($367pp for 13 days at an japanese townhouse airbnb near Sanjo Station)
Food - 400 pp (I didn't end up tracking what we ate, but it was closer to $500 as we ate so many snacks and tried a lot of restaurants).
21 day JR Rail pass - 570 pp ($692 pp with taxes - the cost went up between us planning the trip and actual purchase, several months later)
Attractions - 200 pp ($10 per attraction/15 days of attractions) ($250-ish - didn't track this super closely).
Hiroshima Accomodations - no estimate ( 32.84 pp - I forget which hotel, but in honesty, it was a pretty forgettable hotel that smelled like cigarettes even though we had picked "non-smoking" and had a very squeaky bed)
Kagoshima Accomodations - no estimate ($34 pp - APA Hotel Kagoshima Chuo-Ekimae)
Jetfoil Ferry from Kagoshima - Yakushima Roundtrip - ($202pp - free booking through Yes Yakushima)
Yakushima accommodations - 85 pp (330 total) ($97 pp for 3 nights at Minshuku Iwakawa)
Yakushima Island tour - 100pp ($136 pp )
Yakushima Anbo River kayaking - 100 pp ($86 pp )
Yakushima bike rentals - 15pp (didn't end up renting bikes)
Kyoto daily transit - 70 pp ($5/day for approx 12 days) (ended up renting bikes for $30 pp + 20 deposit (which they returned to us - we used the bus twice, the rest of the time was us biking around or using our JR passes to do day trips)
Kinosaki Onsen ($86 pp for 1 night in the cheapest "nice" Ryokan we could find, Sinonomesou)
Other (souvenirs, essentials, LH's) - 300pp (ha... my sister managed about $400, I was $600, as I ended up getting a tattoo - the guys didn't buy much.)
Tokyo Skyliner + Keisei tickets: $44 pp
Total per person minus plane tickets = $3145
Total for S & K (including plane ticket) - $ 4200ish CAD ea
$3145 divided by 24 is approx $131 per day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reminder:
B = Husband
S = Sister
K = Sister's boyfriend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DAY 1 (Tokyo)
(No email report, as I was too tired).
Flew into Narita, negotiated our way to the skyliner without Tooooo much difficulty, and met up with my sister and her BF at Hotel Horidome Villa. Pretty comfy little business hotel, and we had two adjacent rooms. We were a bit tall for the beds (B is 5'11" and K is 6'1"), but it wasn't the end of the world. My husband could almost span the room with his arms. Used the tokyo subway tickets that came included with our Keisei Skyliner tickets to get around. First experience of Japanese 7/11 and ended up bringing an entire bag full of snacks back to our hotel room to try, which we ate while watching incomprehensible Japanese TV, then fell asleep
Day 2 (Tokyo) - first email
We walked around for nearly 8 hours and holy crap, I am looking forward to soaking in the tub in our room. Despite the bathroom being so tiny, the tub is actually big enough to accommodate my thighs, Which is more than can be said for the one back home! ( I'm not a skinny person).
Due to jet lag, we fell asleep around 8pm last night and I woke up at 4 am. B always sleeps longer than I do, so I basically read for 2 hours, waiting for him to wake up.
Then we went to the gym. We have an anytime membership, and they weren't kidding. You literally can use it anywhere in the world. There's an Anytime fitness about 6 blocks from our hotel. We walk in, and about 4 old Japanese men who were on the machines just stop and STARE at us as we walked past them.
They try to be surreptitious about it, but it's a constant thing. I make a point of catching their eyes, and they quickly look away, then try to sneak another look, and then get embarrassed because I'm still watching them with raised eyebrows. Me and K got the worst of it later in the day, because I was wearing a red dress and K has visible tattoos.
The red dress thing was a surprise, because I had no idea that Japanese people really only wear like 5 colours when out in public here in Tokyo - black, navy, white, pale blue or beige. The school uniforms tend to be one of these colours and most men wear black or navy business suits of varying formality.
Literally, every person we saw who was wearing a different colour turned out to not be Japanese - either we ended up hearing them speak a different language, or they were obviously tourists. I knew I was already going to stand out, having red hair, but this was a bit ridiculous.
First thing in the morning, we went out to a breakfast place that served American food ("Bubby's"). Despite being advertised as a family restaurant, the mug S drank coffee out of had a caption of "F%*KING FRESH" on it. It took us quite awhile to find it and after that, we decided that 7/11 breakfasts were the way to go, both convenience and cost wise.
K also had a hilarious mishap in the morning while snapchatting with his mom, which I will copy-paste his own words:
Note to self: Be careful of the angles when snapchatting pictures of yourself in a Japanese robe with a beer. A few degrees can change a photo from G to 18A. ‪#‎justwantedacoolangle‬ ‪#‎sorrymom‬
After breakfast, we went down to Shibuya, which is where the giant 6 way cross walk is that you often see in pictures of Tokyo. Since we had been up so ridiculously early, we had missed most of the morning crowds up until this point. But once we hit Shibuya, rush hour was in full swing. People were 7-9 rows deep on the metro platforms and it was sea of dudes in business suits. People didn't quite have to be pushed onto the trains by white gloved attendants, but it was a close thing.
Gaijin perimeter was in full effect though, and people avoided standing near us a lot of the time. We wandered around Shibuya for about an hour, venturing off the main shopping street into the twisty back alleyways. At one point, we found about 12 love hotels in three blocks.
We also found what I like to call "The saddest playground in Tokyo", featuring PTSD Panda and Mr. Tiger.
After the huge crowds in Shibuya, I was aching for some quiet, so we headed to the Imperial Palace Gardens. However, we made a wrong turn, and went half way around the grounds in the wrong direction, so we didn't get to see the public gardens (by the time we realized our mistake, we had been walking for 25 mins and were at the opposite end of the compound)
It wasn't a loss though, because the exterior of the palace grounds is still really cool. I only got a couple pictures of the walls and guard towers, but it was eerie how perfectly manicured all the plants and grass were. We wouldn't put it past the Japanese Imperial household to clip the grass by hand, you know? It had that kind of feel to it. We don't know if it was the case, but everything was utterly perfect looking.
After the Imperial gardens, we came back to our hotel room and I passed out for about two hours - it was only like 3 pm, but we'd been walking around since 8am, plus I had done a run, so my feet were killing me.
After my (utterly delicious and much needed) nap, we went to the Tokyo Skytree. We got there right at sunset and it was gorgeous. It was really crazy to see how far the city extended - literaly, buildings as far as the eye could see (it was an overcast day, so the mountains that surround Tokyo were not visible.)
One thing that surprised me about Tokyo is it's not as dense as I thought. it would be. Everything is compact and small, but it's rare for a building to be over 12 stories. 6-8 stories was more likely, except for some of the government buildings and just right around the main metro stations. It was more just endless amounts of urban sprawl.
I've had Tokyo described to me as a "dirty great city" and that seems to be the truth - it's just a huge city that goes on for miles and miles. But because the metro system here is so extensive, you can cross it in like 40 mins, no problem. The metro system is super easy to get around - I barely remember any of my Japanese lessons, but didn't really need them.
However, I did make one embarrassing flub - I mixed up the words for "this is" and "Where is" - Kore is this is and doko is "where is" .
So I confused several station attendants when asking for directions.
Imagine a foreigner marching up to you and saying "This is the ginza line!" instead of "Where is the ginza line?" I asked three station attendants and a police officer this before I figured out my mistake and they all gave me looks like I was crazy.
DAY 3 + 4 (Tokyo + Kyoto)
OK, I'm awake now (slept 11 hours, jesus christ). I have walked more in the last three days than I have walked in months, good lord.
I forgot to tell you about a funny part of the Tokyo Skytree - they have a fucking window cleaner musical. They have a performance of window cleaners projected onto the windows, (the actors, thankfully, are NOT outside the 900 ft tower) where they sing and clean the windows in a synchronized fashion, then all march onto the floor with a brass band. I wish I was joking. I couldn't understand a word of it though, so I have no idea what they were singing about exactly.
After that we went downstairs and explored the mall underneath the skytree for a few hours - it was actually a lot of fun and we found a store completely devoted to cheese. Best. cheesecake. I've.ever.had.
As for yesterday, we got up and and took the Metro out to Shinjuku, where our friend's hotel was. (We were meeting up with some friends from China)
Remember how for Day 2, I said that we hadn't quite gotten to the point where white gloved station attendants were pushing people onto trains? Well, I had my first experience with it yesterday. The train was packed, we squeezed on, and about ten people got on behind us.
There was an awkward pause as you realize the doors weren't going to close unless something was done. I was already half buried under B's armpit, with my opposite arm and purse buried between two tall (for Japanese) business men, with another dude glued to my back.
Then the shove came and I was knocked into the two business guys. I wasn't even holding onto anything. The crush of people held me upright for about five stops, which was all kinds of no fun, because you can guess at the sort of momentum that the train drivers have to deal with when braking and accelerating with a packed train like that. Everyone got pushed around and elbows in places that you don't want elbows as the train stopped and started.
When we got to Shinjuku, it was pretty different from where our hotel was (we're in Nihonbashi). Lots of wide avenues and modern development. The suited Japanese businessmen were still everywhere. Our friends were staying in the Shinjuku Washington, and they reported that their hotel room (despite being much newer) was no bigger than ours.
We wandered around Shinjuku looking for breakfast, and our friends, both being Chinese, and thus indistinguishable from the Japanese, were shocked at our Gaijin Perimeter abilities. The crowds parted in front of B like sailboats dodging out of the way of a tanker, and giving him the same sort of wide berth, to the point where some people were stepping out onto the street.
We found a ramen place called Ichiran which had decent ratings. It was also very much the sort of place that drunk people would stumble into during their walk of shame. Everything was designed so that you could have minimal interaction with other human beings.
You ordered your ramen from a ticket machine, and then there was four bar style rows, each with a little cubby that shut you off from your neighbour (though the cubby walls could be folded away).
You pushed the ticket through a small bamboo screen and you were handed back a preference sheet that you ticked off - how spicy, how rich, what type of noodles, what veggies, and you returned it through the screen. Minutes later, a bowl of ramen ordered to your preferences would be pushed through the screen. You could literally accomplish all of this without saying a single word and the server was never visible - At most, you saw their hands through the screen. Perfect for anyone with social anxiety.
After that, we headed out on the JR lines to Tokyo DisneySea. You heard that right, DisneySea, not Disneyland. They are adjacent park, but the major difference is that DisneySea serves booze. Not that we had any (booze was not immune to Disney prices).
On a purely artsy level, DisneySea was awesome - everything was gorgeously and meticulously decorated. While walking through "King Triton's Castle"(as opposed to the Sleeping Beauty's castle that you'd find in the regular disney parks), we noticed that every single tile in every single mosaic was in fact engraved with pictures of Ariel, Flounder and Prince Eric. Not the same picture either - different poses and positions.
There was a huge Steampunk flavour to the park too. Everything was pretty to look at and the amount of detail was insane.
It was crowded though and the rides were ok. We only went on about 6 of them, but they were fun. Again, more just from the artsy side of it. I would say it was worth what we paid, but only just barely. I will say this though, when set free from the uniform requirements of black, navy and beige "NormCore" colours (according to my sister, that's the name that's used for that type of fashion?), Japanese people seem to have terrible taste in clothing. Lots of mixed neons and plaid.
I also got an extremely awkward sunburn, because I under-estimated how far the neckline of my dress went down and didn't put on sunscreen that far down. :/ It itches. The sun here does not play around, we had to buy 50SPF+++ sunscreen (which is everywhere, thank goodness)
We got home and passed out super quick last night. This morning, we woke up early and packed up our room, because we were heading to Kyoto today.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SO, EIGHT HOURS LATER, WE ARE NOW IN KYOTO.
Kyoto is crazy different from Tokyo.
Big difference? The Japanese business-suited business man has completely disappeared. Now there's people walking around in actual kimonos (We saw no kimonos in Tokyo. none.) Oh, and people are wearing colours. Actual colours.
We booked out of our hotel around 10am and dragged our suitcases over to Tokyo station, which was around 20 minutes away on foot. Not bad at all, but it was a hot day. Also, the bank of Japan headquarters looks like a fortress and there is one office building just before the station that is entirely covered in roses - we're talking a 6 storey building. Completely covered in roses. It was pretty cool.
Tokyo station is just nuts. There are 24 platforms, both local and shinkansen trains. It is a white tiled rabbit warren. B and K's gaijin perimeter was invaluable when we were rushing through the crowds to catch our train.
There was also a mall beneath the station, and much of it was devoted to different stores that featured a particular character. Japan has a tendency to make a cutesy character mascot for everything. Literally everything.
Every prefecture, every city, has a character mascot. Most of the big companies have them. Some of them, like Domo-kun have gotten extremely popular. Others, like Snoopy, have been taken, bastardized, and then grown into something that bypasses all of their origins. There were, of course, stores dedicated to these two guys, and several others as well. My favourite was the Studio Ghibli store (obviously).
There was alot of specialized food places, of varying quality, including a standing sushi bar.
The shinkansen train was really new experience for me. I've been on really fast trains before - I've been on the TGV trains in France, but I was really too young to remember much about it. However, Shinkansen bullet trains are pretty ridiculous, in a very cool way.
First, they're extremely long - about 16 cars. Of course, our reserved seats were in the very last car, so we had to hike down the platforms with our bags (about 200 m and it was very very crowded).
They're arranged pretty much like an airplane, with overhead and under seat storage and similar seats and once you actually get going, you don't really process how fast you're going, unless the train passes really close to something. Most of the scenery passes much like it would if you were in a car. But when something passed by at less than 5 m, it was literally so blurred that you could not distinguish what it was. Several trains passed us on the adjacent track and you could not even distinguish the windows.
The Japanese countryside is really neat - Everything is really dense, and then there's wild countryside. They don't really do "suburbia" in the sense that north america does. There was very clear demarcations between human habitation, farmland and wilderness, and you didn't see much overlap. The mountains here are gorgeous, but wayyyy smaller than the ones back home. They seem gentler too, but it's hard to say, because I don't know what Japanese hiking habits are.
We went by mount Fuji too :))
Upon reaching Kyoto, it was much hotter and much more casual. As I mentioned earlier, the business suits have disappeared and everything is older and feels more organic, so to speak.
The townhouse were are staying in is extremely old and has tatami flooring, and we're sleeping on futons as well. There's a supermarket 1 block away and we had a lot of fun attempting to decipher what the hell different foods were. Sometimes my ability to read some Kanji helped, but most of it is a mystery, because Japan tends to favour cutesy drawings over pictures of products on their packaging.
Also, vegetables and fruit are very very photogenic here. Apparently, Japanese people are willing to pay a lot of money to eat "perfect" looking foods. The carrots we bought were fat, bright orange and perfectly shaped. That was the only option. Same goes for every other veggie we could find.
We also had a super awkward moment when we discovered that Japanese supermarkets do not give you bags. B and I bought a basket worth of food, then discovered that we had no way to carry it home easily.
So we opted for the most ridiculous route, and carried it all back to the apartment balanced in our arms. People were openly smirking at us, but oh well. How were we supposed to know? :P
Super tired today, so we're having a night in. S, K and B have been drinking the super cheap alcohol that you can buy in the supermarket. We'll be going to bed soon, because we're boring like that .

Day 5 (Kyoto)
We rented bikes for commuting around Kyoto. Kyoto is full of contradictions. The locals bike everywhere it seems, except on the actual designated bike lanes. But you would not believe the glares we get when we ring our little bike bells to get wandering Japanese Obasans (old women) out of our way, because they're in the middle of the bike path. There's also signs everywhere that tell you where not to park your bikes - only to have half a dozen bikes parked in front of them.
We rode up and down both sides of the Kamo river, which is in the middle of Kyoto - and there were a bunch of hawks and cranes up and down the river. The hawks were fighting quite low to the ground and nearly buzzed B at one point. Later on, we saw them steal a sandwich out of a girl's hand. She burst into tears and I don't blame her - I worked with birds and that still looked terrifying.
I should also note that it's fucking hot out. The airbnb we are renting has 2 bedrooms but only one of the bedrooms has A/C. So all four of us are crammed into one room on futons because the other room is enough to make anyone melt. We've been using the other room as a "dressing room" and keeping all our bags in there.
Day 6 (Kyoto)
So I have a massive case of bike butt right now.
As in, I've been on a bike for more than 20 hours in the last three days, and I have a seat shaped bruise on my ass. I wish I was joking.
Still by far the best way to get around Kyoto (and the cheapest - we only paid about $45 for a two week rental) but jeez, you pay for it in other ways. :P I'm going to be sitting funny for a few days!
Today was a lot of fun - we went out to Arashiyama (Biked to Nijo JR station from our airbnb - about 22 mins, then used JR pass), which is a district on the far side of Kyoto from where we are staying (we're in Gion, which is the famous geisha district - did you ever hear of the book/movie Memoirs of a Geisha? That's where it's set). Arashiyama is a gorgeous area, with steep mountains and these really beautiful gorges. It started raining like crazy, so we didn't go on the scenic train like we had been planning to, but we visited the Monkey park, which was a lot of fun.
Japan only has one species of monkey - the Japanese Macaque. They're not very big - they'd be about knee height on you, but they have red faces and red butts. They're the ones you see in pictures sitting in the hot springs! The ones at this particular park are a part of a study group and there's about 130 of them. The monkey park is also a 20 minute hike up a mountain, so it has a gorgeous view of the entirety of Kyoto - from the opposite perspective than the one we had at Kiyomizu dera (which I will tell you about in a bit).
We hiked up to the top of the mountain, the monkeys were mostly just laying around and chilling out. Some were grooming each other, and a lot of the younger ones were running around playing. They're right underfoot! You weren't allowed to touch them or crouch down to look at them (it's a dominance thing apparently) but they were super chill around humans and only avoided direct contact.
One of the cool things you could do up here was feed them! Y100 yen got you a bag of apples or nuts and you could feed them at a designated feeding station, where they'll take the food right out of your hand.
They would crowd around and I got really lucky, because the macaque that came up to me to take the apples was a mother with a very young baby - he was so tiny, about 7 inches long, and was clinging to her belly and nursing as she ate the apples. Completely adorable. I also got pictures of her letting him wander around and explore later.
We came down from the monkey park and mostly just browsed the tourist shops, because the weather was so bad and sat in the the covered foot bath at one end of the high street.
~~
Kiyomizu dera is about 35 minutes south of our airbnb by bike, and it was a pretty cool ride until the very end - we managed about a quarter of the hill on our bikes, then had to walk up the rest of the way. The temple up is a narrow street lined with shops and there's tour buses everywhere, so walking ended up being safer. We really enjoyed wandering around the temple - it was crowded, but not claustrophobic and the view over Kyoto was gorgeous. There's tons of little side paths and little grottos that are sort of lurking around the main temple and pagoda, so you can spend quite a while just wandering. We checked out the shops on the way back down the hill and it was super nice.

(Kyoto)
We got up super early and went to the Aoi Matsuri festival (15 minutes bike ride from our airbnb). I'm not entirely sure on the origins for this one (it's one of the oldest ongoing "festivals" in Japan - about 1100 years) but it's very sombre. It's a processional from the Kyoto Imperial palace up to a temple about three kilometres upriver, and apparently it was originally done to appease the gods after a series of disasters at that point. All the costumes are modeled after the Heian era (about 900 years ago) and everyone carries hollyhock branches and the processional attendants carry an unmarried woman who was chosen as "Saio Dai" through out the procession, basically a priestess who leads the appeasement rituals.
Generally, the Saio Dai has to wear 12 layers of robes. It was about 27 C yesterday. I'm surprised she didn't melt. It was interesting to watch from an anthropological standpoint (everyone was wearing shoes made of reeds) but there was nothing to really engross the casual observer and we couldn't understand the chanting or the loudspeaker announcements at all. We left after about 40 minutes, as there was precious little shade.
The funniest thing we saw was that someone in a security guard uniform was basically in charge of making sure the processional's horses peed into a garbage bag instead of onto the parade route.
Afterwards, we biked around several of the temples just north of our apartment ( a lot of them are world heritage sites, and very beautiful, but Kyoto is very much a place where there is a temple on every block, so you have to be picky about the ones you go to). They were all beautiful and serene, but there weren't many differences between them.
After that, we biked down to Kyoto Station to get some ramen from the ramen alley (35 min bike ride straight down the river pathway, then across). In the station, up on the 10th floor, there is a section with 12 little ramen shops, each with a different style of ramen. S and K went to a ramen place elsewhere in Kyoto and ended up getting ramen that was wayyy to spicy for them, so they were in a lot of, ah, discomfort this morning. We've been taking it easy the last few days, as we haven't been getting much sleep. The person we're renting an apartment from didn't really give us good futons, so we've been pretty much laying on the hard tatami. Thankfully, the problem was sorted today and I hope tonight we can get a good sleep!

(Kyoto)
So, since I've always wanted to try on a kimono, but lacked the funds to get one of my own (they cost about $5000 minimum, due to the amount of embroidery they often have), we went to a kimono studio.
Most of the people walking around Kyoto are wearing yukata instead of kimono. Most good yukata will still set you back about $200 though, (but we ended up getting nice cotton ones from a cool 2nd hand shop in downtown Kyoto - we still use them as our summer bath robes).
So I was looking for places to rent them from (there's plenty) but I also discovered a place that will dress one up in a full kimono, as well as put on all the traditional geisha makeup. My sister wanted to try this too, so off we went the day before yesterday. It's a little three story studio several blocks south of where we were staying, that called itself the "Maiko Experience". Despite the good reviews, I thought it might be touristy, but the clientele was about 50% Japanese as well. Several older Japanese ladies were in the make up and dressing rooms with us.
Turns out that being belted into a proper kimono is NOT something you can do yourself. I had some vague ideas that you needed help to do it properly, but it's often a two or three person job.
We were put into makeup first. Traditional Maiko make up is where they paint your skin and neck completely white (with the exception of a small area at the back of your neck, because apparently it's erotic to have a small bit of skin showing through layers of white paint?) The white makeup feels pretty much like paint but they basically buff you non stop with a powder puff to get it to smooth out and cover everything, including the entirety of our lips.
The eye makeup wasn't too different from what some people would do - red/pink shading around the outer eyes and black kohl liner, which shows up quite dramatically against the white face paint. What was weird to me is that she spent several minutes painting my eyebrows red, then overlaying it with black kohl.
The effect was very interesting though, and one I saw it properly after she was finished, I figured out what she was going for. It makes for a far deeper and more subtle look than just putting black would have done. Just black would have made me look like I had huge black caterpillar eyebrows. Adding the red blended the whole thing with the eye makeup and added a lot of depth. Which is a weird comment to make about eyebrows.
The lips were the most annoying part. If you've ever seen pictures of traditional geisha makeup, you'll notice that they often only paint one of their lips fully (usually the bottom) and only a little line or a half done on the upper. This is because if you actually painted your entire lips with a white face, you'd end up looking like a ridiculous clown.
I don't have Resting Bitch Face or anything, but my default expression is definitely not a close-lipped smile, which is what the make up artist required to apply the lip paint. I had trouble keeping a close lipped smile while concentrating on keeping everything else still and, in her very meek Japanese way, I could tell she was annoyed with me, because every time I concentrated on keeping still, my mouth would return to a neutral position. Either way, it came out crooked and it caused a flurry among the hairdressers later when they noticed it and swooped in to fix it.
They don't torture you by doing your hair in the geisha hairstyles (which were usually expected to last for days), so they have a half wig that they comb your hair over and paint black.
After that, you pick what kimono you want to wear (I went with pink, my sister chose blue), and you get strapped into them.
I'm not even joking, it's like getting trussed up into a corset. There's about three layers of underwear, and while my sister had no problems (her shape being more similar to the typical Japanese woman), I could tell my boobs were giving the dressers trouble. Lots of untying and rearranging of padding, before being tugged tight again. Apparently they try to make you cylindrical shaped before they even put the kimono on. No buttons or anything - everything is held in place by cotton cords. Still pretty merciless on the breathing though.
After satisfying themselves with the undergarments (and they are not sexy undergarments ) we moved onto the kimono.
Kimonos come in one standard length, and the dresser folds them up to match your height. So this caused another problem, because all the padding they had put underneath to even me out had to be rearranged so that I didn't look pregnant when they folded up the kimono layers . By the end of it, you are trussed up so tightly that you are forced to have good posture and can't really even bend at the waist too good - all bending over is done with the knees.
However, that's half the pleasure of wearing corsets anyways (your back is forced to be straight, which alleviates a lot of aches) so it wasn't that bad.
We were taken for a couple studio pictures, then given ten minutes to take our ownpictures. B noted that he barely recognized us through the make up and we took a couple funny shots (as funny as you can get with your movement restricted like that, while wearing okobo sandals (which you should google). They're as hard to balance on as they look.
After washing off all the make up (also a lengthy process), we had a pretty quiet day in, as we have been going full speed for the last several days.
Yesterday, we went down to Osaka. We were late starting out, so we didn't get to do as much as we wanted, but we took the shinkansen down and went to the Kaiyukan Aquarium, which was extremely impressive. It's a 7 story structure, and all the tanks are layers so that as you walk down through the aquarium, you re-encounter the same tanks, but at different depths.
There's also a massive, 9 m x 34 m x 40m "Pacific Ocean tank" that takes up the majority of the middle of the building. It's about 4 storeys high and actually contains a whale shark, the only one in captivity. Half of the walkways have windows that open out onto this tank, so you could look at it from different perspectives. We also got to watch several feedings, though as per usual, everything is in Japanese, so we have no idea what the trainers are actually saying.
After the Aquarium, there's a giant ferris wheel thing that's 112m tall next to it, so we went on that, which gave us a pretty cool view of the city. Osaka is much denser than Tokyo, with taller buildings, but spread over less of an area. It had way more of a "crowded dirty city" vibe too. We might go back to check out Osaka castle.
(Kinosaki Onsen) (days 9-10?)
Good lord, did I ever get massaged into submission. And not even by anything alive. Our hotel room in Kinosaki had a rather frightening but extremely effective massage chair. As it, it was so effective that you had to make sure the massaging bits didn't push you right out of the chair before it was finished turning you into mashed potatoes. It was an impulsive trip - we didn't even know Kinosaki onsen existed until we were in Kyoto a few days, and decided to spend an overnight here - we left our suitcases at our airbnb in kyoto and just took a small bag each with toiletries and a change of clothes. It was worth keeping the Kyoto airbnb, because it meant we didn't have to haul heavy bags around when we were exploring.
Also, Kinosaki is probably the my favourite spot of our vacation so far. Not only did we have amazingly comfortable beds.... there was seven different onsens (hot spring baths) within walking distance of our hotel.
I know you're a loving connoseur of hot water, so this place would be heaven for you. Basically, this was a town devoted to multitude of ways that you can douse yourself in hot water.
Do you want it hot enough to turn you into a tomato? Check. Whirlpool jets? check. Outdoor hot pools set under a tumbling waterfall? Check. Stone benches to sit on with hot water running down the backs? check. Outdoor hot pools in rock lined grottos? Check. Steam rooms? Check Free and unlimited access to seven onsens that offer these diversions? check. (generally, your onsen fees are included in your hotel cost).
Plus, the hotels provide you with yukata (light kimono) to wear while wandering around the village, and you can move freely between onsen while they're open. It's extremely comfortable and makes everyone look colourful.
We had a lot of fun with it, and like all Japanese bathhouses, nudity is a given. Other than that, my sister and I got stared at a lot there (sort of like how it was in Tokyo - lots of side eye and awkward looking away when I caught their eye). The best example was when they started laughing at something I did by accident.
A bit of background - when you go into the bathing area in the onsen, you're only allowed to bring one teeny towel to "cool" yourself with. You're also not supposed to leave it laying around, so most people just fold it up....and set it on top of their heads. There's variations of course, but generally, it's just sitting there.
Not being used to this, I would usually forget it was there and drop it in the water whenever I tilted my head. After this happening three times, I've finally managed to keep the awareness of keeeping my head level down to a science. Then I started sneezing randomly while sitting on the side of the bath. violent huge AHHHCHOOOS. Shit, there goes my towel! I snatch for it, fumble, and manage to catch it just before it hits the water. All of the ladies in the tub burst out laughing. They're not laughing at me maliciously (it did look pretty funny) .... but I was in a corner, not really in the middle of anything. They were all watching anyways!
K and B had a very different experience - basically any tub they sat in, all the japanese guys got up and moved to the other tub.

See part 2 below
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2020.09.27 20:05 LcKs-Dragonfly ERROR CL-1 by AsTheRavenDreams

“This Damn thing is really starting to get on my nerves.” I angrily smacked the side of the machine a couple times. I knew it wouldn’t fix it, but it was therapeutic to get my aggression out. I’d been working in this office for seven years of my life, I’d spent half my twenties and part of my thirties working in this office, completing menial tasks and listening to the drone of the lights overhead. I’d been to hundreds, probably thousands, of pointless meetings and taken on more tasks than I could honestly even fathom. All of this, the joys, the hardships, the good and bad times, were formed into an explosive ball of rage every single time I had to use this damned copy machine!
“Paper jam in rear-loader.” I stared at the small cracked screen on the front. “There isn’t a rear-loader- you only have a front-loader. Why are you lying to me?!” I smacked the side again. While taking my aggression out on the machine was satisfying, it wasn’t going to solve my problems. I took a deep breath and paused; I needed these copies several hours ago so I would’ve had time to get them bound for the board meeting the next day. At that point, I was already working half an hour over when I should've left, so there was no point in getting aggressive and trying to rush through things- I was going to be there for a few hours extra anyways.
After troubleshooting the machine for another half hour, I finally achieved what I needed. I went back to my desk and put together the presentation binders for the meeting. After finishing the last one, I glanced over to the clock on the wall- 8:40 PM. I had managed to burn away my entire night working on these pointless collections of paper. I grabbed my phone to see if my wife was angry with me for not coming home. That was when I noticed a text from John, my boss.
‘We will have an extra presenter at the meeting tomorrow, make sure you make an extra binder.’
I stared at this text message and could feel my blood pressure doubling. I had spent the last three-plus hours making these presentations, only to be one short. My eyes shifted over to the copy machine, and I could feel the dread as it flooded through my veins. There was a moment where I wanted to send a text back to John and tell him to shove the binders so far into specific orifices that he could determine the chemical makeup of the copier ink, but in the end I decided that paying my mortgage was more important than that single moment of euphoria.
I pulled the binding from one of the already finished books, and walked over to the machine, slamming the paper into the copy tray and staring down at the glowing LCD screen. I pressed the buttons to start the copy, the belts whirred and the tray lifted. Everything looked like it was going to work, and for a moment I was almost feeling relief that the machine and I had finally come to understand and respect each other.
I say almost, because as soon as everything looked like it was going to work, the copier beeped and the screen shifted to the disgusting pure white screen with the small black text and red exclamation point. I stared down to see what message was going to cause my aneurysm.
“Paper Jam in Rear-loader.” Once again, these words tore through my soul, the only benefit was that, this time, I knew what to do. I pulled the front tray out and leaned down, staring into the paper mechanism. To my surprise, there wasn’t a ball of paper crammed into the metal this time. My confusion and anger was more than palpable at this point- what the hell was wrong this time then?
I replaced the drawer and started to stare at the various notes and symbols all over the machine. It was then that I noticed that there was a small note that was sitting underneath the machine- I grabbed it and realized that it was my saving grace.
“Rear-loader is actually top-loader. Lift top if jammed”. The fact that I found this note at that moment was nothing shy of a sign from the gods of office work. I wanted to ask which god it was, but honestly, I really didn’t care. I would’ve been thankful if it were Loki playing a prank on me, or even Cthulhu sending me down the trail of madness.
I lifted the top half of the machine and, as if fate was finally going to make life go my way, there was half a sheet of paper that was crinkled into the slot. I reached in and tried to pull the paper out, the sheet tore in half, leaving some of it within the machine.
“Oh, no you don’t, you bastard.” I reached in further and gripped the paper as tightly as I could. As I grabbed it and started to pull, I heard a clicking sound and the belt started to move. I looked over in confusion as the motor kicked on, not thinking about the fact that I was still holding onto the paper and my hand was still deep within the machine. The mechanism started pulling the paper that I was holding onto, and before I could let go, I felt the paper slide across my hand, cutting it. I pulled back in pain and stared at the paper as it was shoved through the machine, and out the top- a small spot of blood sitting on the page.
I glanced down at the cut that ran across my hand, it was a small, thin line that was pooling blood in my palm. I shifted my attention to the inside of the machine and noticed the small red dots that now littered the internal components of the copier. After a few seconds, I simply sighed and shut the top and moved on. I checked the screen to see if it was still throwing an error, to my surprise it looked like it was cleared. I pressed the continue and turned to walk away for a moment to get a tissue for my hand, but something was off. Normally, the copier was a noisy, clunky piece of trash, but it was being louder than normal. The motor was going crazy, and there was a lot of mechanical noise coming from it. I kept staring at it, half expecting it to tell me that there was another jam or something, but it didn’t. It just kept speeding up and getting louder and louder.
I just stood there, staring at the outdated machine, and waiting for it to explode, impaling me with a gear and proclaiming that it had finally gotten its revenge on me for the years of abuse. Just when I thought it was genuinely about to blow, the power started to flicker in the building. The lights blinked off and on and dimmed repeatedly, until everything shut off. I stood there in the darkness, staring in the direction of the copier, and listened as the mechanism slowed to a stop. Honestly, that damn thing sounded like a motor seizing, it made clicking noises and it sounded like something snapped inside. When it finally came to a full stop, the lights slowly faded back on, dimly illuminating the floor.
The screen started glowing again as the power came on. It ran through the normal motions of booting up- showing the logo, saying ‘please wait for several moments’, and then it went back to the main screen. I pressed the copy button again to try and get it going again, but it immediately locked up and went back to the error screen.
“Error; CL-1.” Once again, this device was trying my patience. I looked around for any other sticky note with information, anything that indicated what the hell CL-1 meant, but it looked like this was a new one; one of the thousands codes that this frustrating machine had given us since we purchased it. “This is why I need an assistant, someone to do all these bullshit tasks for me. Someone to design these presentations, make my copies, get my coffee. Someone with the willingness to kill for their minimum wage job.” I chuckled as I rubbed the sweat from my forehead, a side-effect of my escalating heart rate. “Basically, I need someone like how I was back in my early twenties- someone stupid enough to do everyone else’s work while not showing that their dying inside.” I let out a heave, defeated, sigh. “Me before corporate life beat me into a pathetic pulp…”
It was at this point that I just gave up- There was no way I was going to try and get that damn thing to work again, and it was already past nine. I conceded, going back to my desk and grabbing my backpack- worst case scenario, I would come back in the morning and try again. Best case, I would just give John the fourteen copies I had and someone wouldn’t show up, so we’d have an extra.
I honestly didn’t sleep much that night; something about the whole situation was causing me to be mentally obsessive over it. For some reason, I was dwelling so hard on the fact that I was going to be blamed for breaking the copier, or that my boss was going to be aggressively angry with me not doing what he asked. Normally these thoughts means nothing to me, but something was different about that night- something was giving me this strange feeling like I had genuinely made a mistake.
Dwelling on it did nothing for me, so I stared at the back of my eyelids for a while; at least until my alarm started going off and I got up to get ready for work. I went through the motions groggily, drove to the office, and sat in my car, preparing myself for the inevitable conversation John was going to want to have with me. After I had fought with myself for several minutes on the issue, I decided it was better to just go in and face it than drag it on any longer. I got out, entered the building and got in the elevator to get up to the fifth floor. The doors shut, and it stopped one floor up. As they opened again, John stepped forward and gave me a friendly grin.
“Hey, There’s the man of the hour!” He patted me on the shoulder and stood beside me. “Thank you for staying late and getting those presentation binders done. They came out looking absolutely gorgeous. Good call on the color palette.”
“Oh, thanks.” I was a bit confused at this statement. “It was no big deal. I’m just sorry I didn’t get that extra one done. You can give the guest mine, I don’t really need--”
“You made enough, there were 16 on my desk this morning.” He glanced over me with a confused look, my face must have looked the same as his. Not only had I been one short, I never put them on his desk, they were still on mine when I had left. The only thing I could think of was that someone else had gotten in earlier and taken care of it for me. “Anyways, great job.” He patted me on the shoulder again and exited the elevator, walking straight toward the board room. I stared out at the floor as the doors shut, trying to think as hard as I could about who in that building gave enough of a damn about me to actually help me out. I couldn’t come up with a single name.
I exited on my floor and started toward my desk.
“Hey, Kris, good morning.” I waved at the receptionist as I passed.
“Uh, yeah, good morning again.” She responded with a snarky tone. “Oh, hey- the maintenance company called back and said that they could send someone out if we needed them to. They said they had never heard of an error CL-1, so it would probably require a technician.”
“Ok.” I paused and glanced back toward her. “Why are you telling me though? Shouldn’t you tell someone in office management?”
“You’re the one that reported it and you’re the one that called them.” Kris didn’t even look up from the screen as she responded. “Seems like you took responsibility, so I’m telling you.”
“Oh…” I looked back toward the area where I sat. “Well, thank you.” She had to be mistaking me for someone else on my team. I decided that it was best to just take the knowledge and report it to whoever else was in that morning; arguing with her would get me nowhere.
I walked past the empty cubicles, looking for anyone else that may have reported the copier error- to my surprise there was no one else around. I checked all the desks on the way to mine, the open offices; it looked like I was the first person to get in on my team. I shrugged it off- really it wasn’t my problem.
I rounded the corner and got closer to my desk, only to see my lamp on, At first I thought that maybe I had left it on overnight, but then I noticed the sound of someone typing, and the glow of my monitor peering beyond the cubicle walls.
At first I was angry; why the hell was someone at my desk and using my computer?! I thought about throwing my case on my desk aggressively and asking who they thought they were. I thought about calling security and having them reprimanded regardless of who it was, but then… then I saw who it was. I stared from around 5 feet behind the cubicle and saw the man that was sitting in my chair and working on my computer. I was standing there and watching myself work at my desk.
I had to be hallucinating because, if i wasn’t, then I apparently had a long lost twin that had taken over my job. I slowly approached the desk just to make absolutely sure, and with every step I became more certain that the man in my chair was me. His hair, his glasses, the mole on his neck- every single detail was mine. How had this happened? Why did this happen? Most importantly: What was happening?!
“Excuse me…” I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder. As my hand hit him, his hands stopped moving on the keyboard, he just sat there staring at the monitor without turning to face me. “Hello? I wanted to ask who you were.” After standing and waiting for several moments, I gave his shoulder a slight pull, and turned him to face me. His eyes were cold and expressionless, his face was blank and pale- there was no mistaking who this was, it was me. This man looked to be the perfect copy of me in every way, except what made me human. He looked like he was dead inside, completely void of thought and feeling. “Can you hear me at all?” I waved my hand in front of his face; he continued to stare at the carpet. “Oh my god, I need more coffee…”
As I made this statement, the man sitting in the chair, the copy of me, glanced up and nodded, then stood up and walked away from my desk. I watched as he walked towards the break room and out of sight, almost as if he was a mindless drone with only enough willpower to complete the task at hand.
Just as he passed the corner and exited my line of sight, I noticed a second one exit the copy room. He looked the exact same as the other copy, his face a blank canvas, but every single minute detail the same as mine. He walked out onto the main floor, paused, then walked over to my desk, sat in my chair, and started doing seemingly random tasks on my computer. I watched as he opened emails and responded to them in a professional manner that was consistent with how I did. After finishing those, he moved onto selecting dates and times for meetings that needed to occur across teams, he pulled and updated various spreadsheets, and he even called one of our offices to ask a question about their compliance with our policies. Somehow, this copy of me was doing my job better and more efficiently than I had ever done it.
As I was standing there, my eyes fixed on how beautifully the specimen in front of me was performing, my awe was interrupted by the original copy returning. He approached and reached out to hand me a large cup from a local coffee shop. He stared at me for a moment, almost as if he was expecting something. It took me a moment, but I realized that he was waiting for my approval on the coffee.
“Oh, my apologies.” I took a sip of the searing hot liquid- peppermint mocha, my favorite. “That’s perfect. Thank you, sir.” I smiled at him and looked back at the other copy. Somehow, life had decided to give me not one, but two assistants that looked and acted just like me, minus a few emotional details. They could do my job, they could run my errands, and I could sit at home playing video games while raking in the money. Who in their right minds wouldn’t want to have someone to do all the boring crap they had to do every day?
“Well, uhh…” I patted the first copy on the shoulder. “I guess I should let you get back to work?” I smiled again at him, he nodded in confirmation. I grabbed my case and strapped it over my shoulder, walking away with a satisfied grin on my face.
As I took a couple steps, I paused- a strange sound filled the silence of the room. It almost sounded like someone was struggling to breathe. I turned around to the copies only to see something that I would’ve never anticipated. I watched in absolute horror as the first copy repeatedly stabbed the second copy in the throat with a pair of scissors, my pair of scissors. He pulled them and thrust them back in as hard as he could several times, before deciding to place them neatly back in my pencil holder. I then watched as he grabbed the now lifeless corpse and pulled him out of the seat, tossing him effortlessly out onto the floor, and then sitting down to resume his work.
His short was drenched in blood, his hands were also lined in red, and it was collecting on everything in the cubicle as he went back to work. My keyboard, my phone, my pens, and various sheets of paper were all now stained red. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, and the color drain from my face- I had literally just witnessed me, killing another version of myself.
This was the point where I had decided that I needed to get out of there, I needed to leave and get as far away from whatever this was as I possibly could. I quickly turned away to leave, and smacked, face first into someone else. I instinctively apologized, until I glanced up and noticed the person- it was another copy of me. He stared at me, his eyes blank and his face expressionless.
“Oh my god, no. Not more.” I stepped back as I watched him, he kept his eyes on me as I nearly trembled in horror. “What now? Are you going to kill the other copy? Or kill everyone else and do their job too?” He stared at me for a moment, before nodding and stepping past me, toward one of the offices. I watched as he entered, and winced as I heard the sound of someone greeting him, then screeching as they were, I assume, murdered. The hard smack against the ground told me that my assumption was correct.
It took this long into this situation, to this exact moment for me to realize that, if someone else walked onto the floor, they were likely to be murdered by these copies. Not to mention, if an investigation was to take place, I was going to be charged with the murder- these clones were all exact copies of myself. If they investigated the murders, they would find my DNA, my finger prints, everything that pointed to me as the murderer. The idea of running away from this place re-entered my mind. I disregarded the scene behind me and started running toward the elevator, only pausing as I noticed a copy of myself sitting at the front desk.
“Oh no…” I approached the counter and smacked the surface. “What the hell did you do with Kris?” The copy glanced up at me, then slowly looked down onto the floor beside him. I followed where he was looking, only to see Kris’ body, her neck completely twisted around.
I immediately struggled to stop myself from vomiting as I turned back to my original mission- getting the hell out of there. I swiftly stepped over to the elevator and started jamming the button, after a moment the doors pulled open. I was greeted with the sight of my boss’ mangled body lying on the floor, and three more copies standing and staring at me with their emotionless eyes. I turned to run to the stairs, there were five more of them in the main area; sweeping, mopping, cleaning the windows. All of them doing the menial tasks that they had decided they needed to do.
The room started to spin as I tried to look in every direction for a way out of this mess; there was only one way to get through this that I could think of, getting rid of the evidence. If there was no proof that a murder took place in the building, then I could, possibly, get out of this unscathed. Well, at least physically; mentally I was going to be scarred forever.
“Hey, all of you.” I shouted, hoping that they would listen to me. It seemed to work as they all paused their work and turned to me, staring with those glazed over eyes. “I need you to… uh…” There was something unsettling about seeing dozens of copies of myself standing and staring at me, waiting for my instructions. “I need you all to get rid of the bodies. I need you to make sure there isn’t a single body in this building when you’re done.” I watched as they all stood still, processing what I had requested of them for a few seconds. They all turned to look at each other, and simultaneously nodded.
At first, I thought my plan would be successful- I started to let my guard down as the copies moved toward the corpse of my boss. They lifted him out of the elevator and moved him over to the break room, placing him on one of the tables, placing him gently on the surface, then pausing to all stare at each other.
Suddenly, the feeling of the room changed as the group of them all leaned down and started biting into his flesh. They all took chunks of his skin off with each bite, slowly pulling bits of his body off, and chewing it with their emotionless stares. I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I leaned over and vomited my breakfast onto the smooth tile, feeling light headed and dizzy as I stumbled back toward the wall.
I shifted my stare from the bloody scene in front of me, to the main floor; there were more of them than I could count. They were all leaned over a dead body, ripping into their flesh and ingesting them. I slowly stepped away from the situation, every single step taking in the absolute horror in front of me. This whole morning had gone from a fairly confusing situation, to a horrifically gruesome group of cannibal clones consuming my co-workers.
“Excuse me.” A shallow raspy whisper hit my ear from over my shoulder. I turned to face another copy as he stared me down. I stared at him in terror, shaking and breathing rapidly.
“What... “ I choked as I spoke. “What do you want?”
“Get rid of... “ He whispered again, struggling to speak. “All bodies. Not a single body left.” His words, my words from earlier, were a terrifying explanation of what I had requested. I was going to be next, they were going to ‘remove’ me as well. I shook my head and stepped back.
“No… no, I won’t let you kill me!” I shouted at him, he continued approaching me with every backward step I took. “Leave me alone!”
“Remove.” He growled once more, his hand reaching out toward me. I had to think fast- I threw my coffee in his face and jumped into a sprint toward the other end of the floor. There was only one other escape here- the fire exit. I ran as quickly as i could past the same disgusting scene in every direction, clone after clone eating corpse after corpse. I dodged as many as I could as I made my rush toward the emergency door. I grabbed the handle, twisted it and pulled it as hard as I could, only to be met with another one- Another damn clone, standing right in my way and giving me the same murderous stare as the other.
I looked around once more for any method of escape, my eyes finally landing on the door to the copy room. I ran as fast as I could, dodging as many of them as I could, shoving the door closed and locking it. As soon as I locked it, I could hear them all on the other side, smacking it and trying to get in; they were merciless in their pursuit. The only thing I could do at this point was wait it out and hope that they would eventually give up.
I pushed my back against the door and slowly fell to the floor, sitting and staring at the small, empty room. I shut my eyes and slowly tried to catch my breath again, trying to refocus on what was going on. They were all doing what I told them to, so they were just going to to get rid of the bodies, and then they would move on, right? As long as they didn’t see me, maybe they would think that the floor was empty and leave, or at least go back to being distracted by their work. Until then, all I had to do was wait and be as quiet as I could.
My thoughts, as well as the silence, were interrupted by the sudden and sharp sound of the copier starting up. The small motor started making a whirring noise, and the mechanisms started to move. At first, I thought nothing of it- it was an old hunk of junk, and it would make random noises every now and then, but then, the motor started to go faster and faster, exactly as it had the night before. It sped up, making louder noises with each passing second. The lights overhead dimmed slightly, as if the building was losing power, but they lit back up to full capacity after only a few moments.
The small LCD screen lit up with the error screen, and the machine beeped.
“Error, CL-1.” I read, it was the same mysterious error as before. “Well, looks like maintenance won’t be coming to fix that anytime soon.” I chuckled, at least I could find something to laugh at in this new scenario of corporate horror.
My small joy was cut even shorter than anticipated as I watched the copier start to spew out a strange, pink slime. It pooled on the floor by the machine, a viscous, flesh tone liquid that was slowly starting to collect and build into a pile. I watched as it quickly started to take form, the form of a human head… my head. The fleshy mound opened its eyes and stared at me as it continued to be created by the fluid pouring from the machine. My heart started racing as I searched the room for anything to protect myself with, only to find nothing short of paper and a toner cartridge.
There was no way I was going to survive. The copy machine, the old hunk of plastic that had caused me many migraines, was literally creating clones of myself in a few minutes flat. Whatever eldritch horror had decided to enter this office building, had determined that the copy machine would be it’s entrance into this world, and I would be the one to let it out.
I took a few deep breaths as I prepared to defend myself against this clone, hell-bent on murdering me and ‘getting rid of’ my body. I focused as the gelatinous blob took full form, and stood up, turning its gaze right at me. The room heavy, and silent, all except the beeping of the machine as the screen continued to read; Error: CL-1.
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2020.09.27 19:00 bosslessmindset How to stop YOU arguments. The GOOD side and the DARK of relationships.

How to stop YOU arguments. The GOOD side and the DARK of relationships.
YOU ARGUMENTS: The good side and dark side of relationships

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Unfortunately, it is usually the people who are closest to us that trigger us emotionally. There are several reasons why relationships fail – these include trust issues, unmet desires and expectations and compatibility issues. If you and your partner are both consistently fighting then that can lead to a toxic relationship.
Handling a conflict with understanding and letting go of troublesome emotions is key. You need to understand your emotions as well as your partner’s emotions and don’t let the key issue or issues go left unanswered. Every one of us brings a lot to the table that contributes to the degree of conflict we experience with a partner.
If you’re in a relationship where you find yourself fighting more than having fun with your significant other – you have two main solutions – either brake up or take steps to resolve the problem(s).

So stop the arguments by doing these:

1. Avoid a confrontation. Though it can be normal and natural to become defensive when a fight breaks out. It can be critical to take a step back and take criticism from your partner without taking it so personally. You may feel attacked, wronged, or blamed for something you didn’t do but engaging in a fight only adds fuel to the fire.
Every one of us brings a lot to the table that contributes to the degree of conflict we experience with a partner. Evaluating the situation objectively can be the best course and solution instead of a fight. See if you did or said something that caused them to initiate a fight. If you did, then just apologize, fix the issue or ask them how you can make it right. Even being empathetic in this case would help – where you are receptive to what the other person has to say and internalize it. Furthermore, if clarification on the matter is needed then just ask.
2. Clear your mind by disengaging. In the heat of the moment, it’s very hard to not be reactive. Our thoughts and emotions can become cloudy in a fight and continuing an argument in this mindset causes more fighting to the point where people say things that they do not mean.
When we are being triggered by someone in an intense way, this is usually a clue that something deeper is being surfaced. The wrong word or a simple look from our life partner can tap into old, undesirable feelings we have about ourselves that make us angry, ashamed, or on the defensive. We then react in ways that don’t always fit the situation, and in fact, often escalate it.
It is best to regain a perspective on the problem by stepping away for awhile especially when the argument gets heated. Allow a cool down of your mind by taking a walk or spending some time alone. You can then usually approach the conflict with a more rational state of mind, a better perspective and a cool head once you have had that time to be alone and reconfigure your thoughts. This way you approach the problem with a renewed attitude and is able to respond with more awareness and sensitivity to the other person. Both partners can then have a more effective conversation about the real issues in a less intense atmosphere where both feel more of themselves.
3. Feel your emotions You can still be aware and in your feelings even if you are calm and have dropped an argument with your partner on your end. Sometimes we need to be mindful during and after an argument where we explore our emotions to understand where they may come from and what they may mean since emotions offer us clues into who we are.
It is hard to recognize our emotions and express them in a helpful way when we are in the middle of a fight. We need to be mindful and accept our emotions while being wise to best choose our actions so they align with who we choose to be.
It can be easy to just ruminate in our feeling of being angry, furious and mistreated. But understanding your partner should be key along with acceptance. We may want to wallow in our feelings of misery but this all comes from an unconscious desire of familiarity.
4. Face problems face-to-face In our modern-day digital world, it can be easy to text someone and think it gives us an opportunity to have some modicum of control over the situation. But our words can get muddied since not everyone will read texts and tones the same way and your relationship partner can read your texts and take them out of context which paves a path for an argument.
When people have a fight face-to-face, they can pick up on body language and vocal tone a lot clearer and more easily. If the discussion is especially complex or intense then text messages are the worst medium to have these long drawn out battles where it is difficult to type and hard to understand the person not only with typos but how they are saying their words to convey their story. Thus, it is usually best to discuss any issues in a relationship in person.


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5. Boundaries are needed Sometimes argumentum ad hominems find their way into a fight where we attack the person’s character instead of the problem itself. This is when you know the fighting is or has become out of hand. Cursing and yelling over each other while avoiding the real problem is becoming more of a common place in relationships and it needs to stop before the fights turn into a war.
Before a fight or after a fight is settled – sit down with your partner and discuss some boundaries when you fight. For example, no personal attacks need to be thrown at either person and everyone should speak in a calm and concise manner to get their point across.
Doing this behaviour helps a lot since ad hominems take you away from the issue(s) at heart that need attention and have you focus on hurting your life partner. This creates an unsafe and toxic environment as well as prolonged feelings of hurt and pain.
6. Don’t filter your “inner voice” During an argument, we see our partner through the filter of our “critical inner voice” and this can make us very reactive in a given moment. This “voice” represents a pattern of negative thoughts and distorted ideas we developed about ourselves and others based on hurtful experiences from our early lives. As we grow up, we may expect relationships to mirror those of our past and project our “voices” onto others, especially those closest to us.
So often, when we’re especially triggered and heated, we are filtering our partner’s words and behavior through our inner critic. For example, when they say, “You haven’t been around lately,” we may hear, “You’re not doing enough. You’re so lazy.” We distort our partner’s point of view to fit with an old image of ourselves, and we react accordingly. That is why to really break a destructive, argumentative cycle, we have to challenge our critical inner voice.
7. Don’t let problems fester Approaching a conflict with your partner can be a very wise thing since couples who allow problems to intensify often break up sooner than those who approach conflict quickly (University of California Berkeley and Northwestern University). Not talking about problems and letting your feelings swell will grow unwanted resentment and bitterness which could dissolve the relationship.
This is very damaging, especially when the other partner doesn’t even have a clue. It is best to come clean about your feelings and issues so that they can be worked out. This ensures that there is nothing weighing on you throughout the course of your relationship.
8. Some time apart is wise Many things can trickle into your relationships with people, and stress is no exception. It can very well be things outside of your relationship that is causing the stress in your life or it could very well be the relationship itself.
Think about taking time apart from each other for a while. This could mean just a weekend alone or with friends or family or maybe a week or two away from your house just to decompress.
In time, couples need space. This could be for various reasons completely individual to the couple and is not necessarily a sign the relationship is in trouble.
Nonetheless, time away provides you with a different outlook on your relationship. If you return believing the relationship is at an end, discuss it with your partner.
9. Be vulnerable Sometimes when we get into a fight and express maladaptive responses that don’t get us anywhere. But if we can tap into our raw emotions and express that in our wants and needs then we show much more vulnerability to our partner. We will be communicating that we are laid bare and want to be loved and seen for who we truly are. Then, our partner has to opportunity to really get to know us better. You will be saying that you care more about the relationship than winning the argument.
This can be very scary and challenging due to the vulnerability it requires. We will have to let our guard down especially in moments of conflict and be very mindful of ourselves, our emotions, our thoughts and our actions. We will be better able to interpret and interrupt destructive cycles which in turn allows us to be closer to our partner. By using these tools of self-reflection, we truly take control over our half of the dynamic and create a safe, welcoming environment for our partner to do the same.
10. Therapy as a last resort Sometimes if the fighting is too much and/or too difficult to handle then couples therapy may be a solution.
Therapy gives you an opportunity for a third party to peer into your relationship and give their unbiased opinion on the matter. The therapist can even identify problem areas that each partner in the relationship may have over-looked. Couples who choose to receive therapy can learn to relate to and understand each other better, and themselves.
A therapist will provide practical solutions towards peace and a healthier relationship. He or she can offer techniques to help both partners work through disagreements and arguments. Couples therapy can be a wonderful outlet to express your thoughts without being attacked.
But, therapy does go both ways – while a therapist aims to provide constructive feedback – you are the one ultimately responsible for saving your relationship.
Start enjoying your time together Solving a relationship conflict can be difficult. But finding solutions to this conflict in a healthy and productive way is extremely important. Every couple goes through rough patches and that is normal but constantly fighting is not. When you stop fighting with your relationship partner and just enjoy the relationship more, then that relationship can progress into something far better.


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THE DARK SIDE OF RELATIONSHIPS: This is where you find out that no matter how hard you try and what you do, you will never “fix” your relationship because it can’t be “fixed” in the first place. Why? Because the woman (or man) you partnered with has no romantic interest in you and just wants to use you for your time, money and resources.
Answer this: How can you fix something that is not broken? You might see the relationship one way while your “partner” is seeing no relationship at all.
Don’t get trapped by the musings of someone who doesn’t want you except for the transactional relationship they believe you are good for. Not only will you lose time as well as up to half of your resources but you will also be mentally scarred and less trusting because of the experience. Save yourself from pulling the hairs out of your head by knowing if you are in a transactional relationship or not.
How do you know you are in a transactional relationship? A transactional relationship is a relationship where both (or all) parties are in it for themselves, and where partners do things for each other with the expectation of reciprocation. This kind of reciprocation is enforced by either both or at least one of the relationship partners.
The fact is, almost all relationships start here. People tend to date a person because of what they get out of it. As with Briffaults law, a woman will not enter a relationship unless she sees some value in that relationship.
Briffault’s law maintains that “the female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.” 
We all date because we get something out of the interaction – that can be as simple as feeling good to as insidious as taking all of the person’s money, assets, and resources. Most people move past the interaction phase of a relationship and develop great concern for a partner’s well-being – this concern (as what we would call love) generally grows as the relationship progresses. But some relationships never get past the transactional stage because one or both partners don’t want to.
If you have been in a relationship for months or even a year and you have never met your partner’s friends or family and are always one-on-one when going out to dates and special events then there is a high chance that you are in a transactional relationship. If you are always (or almost always) paying for everything then you may be in a transactional relationship.
If fights always come up when it is their birthday, Christmas, Boxing day, Easter or any other special time then you might be in a merely transactional relationship. Why? Because they are reserving those special days and times for someone else. So, they will make excuses with you. They will tell you they have family arrangements, or the gathering is family only or they have to go to work or they are just sick.
How can you find out if you are being used?
  • Stop paying for everything. Does anything change in your relationship? Ask for more of a 50/50 commitment and gauge how they react.
  • Stop buying expensive gifts and taking expensive trips and see how they react? Do they initiate a fight? Do they no longer want to be in a relationship? Do they speak to you?
  • Ask to meet a friend or family member of theirs. Do they decline or complain? Do they make excuses that they are sick or busy with work when it is time to meet?
Things to watch out for:
  • Beware of partners that never seem to be where they promise to be. These partners are translating an inability to be in a genuine and committed relationship
  • Pay attention to the seemingly insignificant lies. The little ‘white lies’ may seen unworthy of alarm but you would be missing the bigger picture.
  • Ascertain your prospective partner’s behavior in former relationships. Was there cheating? Some people have a history of affairs. Was there stealing? etc etc etc
  • Consider your partner’s family of origin. Were they raised to be fair and honest? Some people adapt negative behaviours that they learnt from one or both parents. Such as lying to solve a problem. A common example is when one parent coaxes a child to promise to keep a secret from the other.
  • Relationship partners who routinely lie to or deceive others outside of their romantic relationships are inclined to do the same within their intimate relationships. Do not believe that you will necessarily be treated differently.
  • Your partner’s unwillingness to take responsibility for their behaviour can be seen as a red flag that they will not be able to accept their contribution to relational difficulties and might justify any type of negative behavior, including cheating and deceit.
  • Look back and see if your partner makes promises they never intended to keep. Or maybe they did intend to follow through, but they never seem to. If your partner does this, then that can be a red flag of issues present or to come.

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Try a stress test: If you truly want to know if a woman is really into you then go on vacation and “lose” all your luggage. Yes, I said it, “lose” your luggage to see where your relationship stands.
When people get confronted with a stressful situation then their true character shows. You get to see who they really are and what they really think about you. When your partner’s emotions become cloudy and irrational due to all her belongings getting lost then the real her will stare at you through the cracks.
During this stressful situation she can easily get triggered in a very intense way and she will most likely not be receptive to being calm. Any words to calm her down will not be accepted and she will distort your words and enter a destructive and argumentative cycle with you due to the situation. When this happens, if she was deceiving you then she will return to the familiar feelings she already had for you which were not of love but negative. It was about how much, how often and how long she can use you. She will find comfort and solace in these familiar feelings and won’t be able to stop them from coming out. Thus, you will see her true character.
This may or may not happen with this stress test since you may actually have a good woman on your hands. She can be calm during the situation. She can exhibit qualities of a good woman and she truly may want to be with you. Hopefully this will be the answer you seek.
But if her true feelings about you come out then it is because of the stress and when people are stressed, they really tell you how it is and what they truly think about you. She won’t be able to contain herself and keep up her act. Her anger will reach intense moments and the truth will set her free.
Now when I say “lose” your luggage, I didn’t mean actual lose it. Just put it aside for the time being so that you know who you are dealing with. For many men and women, this simple act or test will save you months of trouble, arguments, money and time.
HERE IS A STORY (I found this on Quora): My last boyfriend told me about the incident that had broken up his relationship with the woman he was seeing before me.
For about 6 months, he had been having a somewhat long-distance relationship with a very beautiful woman who lived in a town about 30 miles from where he lived. He liked her quite a lot, but he was aware that the fact that he was fairly well-heeled represented a feature she found particularly attractive about him. He was, in short, expected to shower her with lovely things at every opportunity. She appeared to adore him, though, and was always very sweet towards him. They agreed to be exclusive and were considering taking the relationship to the ‘next level’ sometime soon.
One Saturday, the couple had arranged to go out on the town for the kind of enjoyable evening that was their pattern. He was just leaving his house and pick her up, when she started messaging him, telling him that she was unwell. She assured him that she wasn’t badly ill: just ‘starting a cold’. She didn’t fancy going out: she wanted to go to bed, and thought he’d best stay away.
I don’t know what made him decide to go to her flat without messaging her first: to be honest, that would have annoyed me (and I told him so): women often don’t like to be seen by their beaux when they are looking rough. However I believed him when he told me that he had absolutely no suspicion of her whatsoever (as a rather proud man, he had no reason, on telling me his tale, in showing himself to be such a mug). He just decided, on the spur of the moment, to go over and give her lots of tender loving care-and his speciality hot toddy.
He arrived on her doorstep with a bottle of whiskey, some lemons and honey, some paracetamol and some orange juice. He rang on her doorbell, and was astounded to hear a bright, cheerful voice shout “just a minute, baby!”
The door was flung open, and there was his girlfriend, looking gorgeous in makeup and a lovely outfit with a huge smile on her face. When she saw him, her eyes boggled and her bright smile froze in place. She nevertheless invited him in with a kiss.
They then had a brief conversation where her affect subtly changed and she proceeded to speak with the hoarse voice and brave little smile that befitted a person starting a cold.
“Oh, lovely for you to have come, dear. You really shouldn’t have worried about me. Thanks for dropping off the supplies: I’ll use them to make my own hot toddy. You better go now, because I really just need to get to bed.”
The guy hung his head in shame as he told me the story. He’s actually one of the most searingly-intelligent men I’ve ever known, but I don’t think there’s any relevance of intelligence in matters of the heart. Poor guy, he still believed her as he left, giving her a kiss and a hug, got in his car and readied himself to drive home. Then his phone pinged.
The message was from his ‘girlfriend’. It read:
“OMG!!!! You’ll NEVER guess who just turned up here!!!! It’s OK! He’s gone now!!!”
Article: https://bosslessmindset.com/how-to-stop-you-arguments/
submitted by bosslessmindset to longtermDATING [link] [comments]


2020.09.27 18:09 shiprajarp I (21F) had a first date and he did things that made me really uncomfortable

Sorry I don’t really know where to post this, I’m really shaken up about this and it’s going to be a long ramble of a story to explain what happened.
I went on a first date with someone in California. I’m 21F entering grad school next week and he’s 25M who graduated law school. We got dinner and a couple drinks, nothing crazy and we stayed on the sober side. He showed major red flags and I immediately was trying to find a point where I could excuse myself and head home. Should mention, I’ve had boyfriends before, this guy has never had a girlfriend.
He said some really sexist things about how I’m meant to have lots of kids and stay home and cook and clean. I’m in engineering and want to make money so I’m financially secure for my own benefit in the future. He kept dismissing it and went on about how if I was his wife he’d get a fake keyboard and lab coat and goggles so I could pretend I’m doing work when I live at home (yea ik wtf).
Then he made a couple comments on some girls passing us. They were dressed nicely and had the feminine vibe going. Like cute skirt and some makeup. He decided to ramble about how he likes women who wear no makeup and makeup never looks good. I tried to tell him it’s like art, you have to be really skilled and it’s impressive! Again, dismissed my opinion. He then made a comment about a woman’s dress that was one of those body hugging but more of a casual vibe than clubbing (I hope that makes sense) She looked really good but he was like would you ever wear something like that. I replied back saying I don’t think so but only because I’m more of a pants person and how women should wear whatever they feel best in because like tf women don’t wear makeup or dress for men, we wear it for ourselves to make us feel good. (maybe there’s people who dress for men idk you do you, whatever makes you happy).
He kept trying to make advances and kissing me and we decided to walk around after dinner and he kept grabbing me from behind and hugging me and kissing my neck and just ugh I squirmed away every time and nervously laughed it off. I told him I don’t like doing anything on a first date like not even kissing, I want to get to know someone. (My excuse to find a way to leave tbh, I’ve hooked up on a first date before, I do what I feel comfortable doing in the moment. It just varies per person). He said he respects that and it’s pretty hot I don’t put out on the first date.
He also made comments about my outfit. First time he jokingly was like wowwww cover up I can see the outline of your knees and I laughed it off. But it was becoming repeated. For clarification, I’m wearing a nice tube top that has good length and high waisted jeans that have a few small rips. My friends said the outfit was cute, I was a little uncomfortable in public for about 5 minutes and then I was like I look good I feel good and it’s very hot so I have nothing to be worried about. (spoiler I was wrong)
He kept making advances even though i already said I don’t want to. I was getting uncomfortable and trying to say oh my roommate wanted me home by 11, I should get home soon. We walked to my apartment and he grabbed the back of my jeans and pulled me close to him and grabbed my butt and my boobs and tried to put his hands down my pants (???????? i said i didn’t want to kiss and he does THIS wtf) and I squirmed away again. We got to the front entrance of my apartment complex lobby door (sorry don’t know how to explain it) and I decided I’d hug him goodbye and let myself into the elevator to go home. He hugged me really tightly and tried to kiss my neck again. I pulled away and he jokingly pretended to fall asleep and put his whole body weight on me and it made me fall back a little and i was pushed up against the glass of the building. Finally he stood up, we did a simple hug bye again and then he reached down and pulled my tube top half way and walk away saying have a good night laughing. Thankfully I decided to wear a strapless bra so only half my bra and chest was flashed out but wtf. I was mortified and pulled my top up and walked quickly to the elevator and went home. I cried a lot and I’m just shaken up. You’d think someone who has graduated from law school would know how to be respectful and what consent is but no I was wrong.
Summary: Horrible date, he jokingly pulled my top down when we hugged goodbye. I’m traumatized.
Honestly Im not sure what to do. I cried a lot and am feeling a little depressed. Maybe there’s something I can do about this? A friend mentioned filing this to the police but I’m not sure if that’s really an option? Was that considered sexual harassment? I’m not sure.
submitted by shiprajarp to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


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